When to tell?

[PregnantAtLast]

I'll be around 8 weeks pregnant by Christmas, obviously won't be drinking any alcohol etc which will be a bit suspicious in itself as I always enjoy a drink!

We've been having fertility treatment for 4-5 years and at this point we often get well-meaning relatives and friends asking how it's all going. Difficult questions to field once you're actually pregnant but not ready to tell people!

It's also so tempting to do a lovely Christmas reveal with family. Having an early scan on Wednesday so should know then if things are OK, although of course it's still very early.

Is anyone else in a similar boat - early days but considering sharing the news because of Christmas? Or hiding it but dealing with regular questions because of fertility treatment?

I'm a little further on than you (12+6) but my first scan isn't until tomorrow and I haven't had one since I was 6+3. We have no idea if everything is okay yet.

I've shared the news here and there since I was about 6 weeks. Some for admin reasons (at a wedding and couldn't eat the meal I'd said I'd have), some because it was easier than pretending otherwise to people who know me too well.

We've only shared with people we would tell if it ended in a loss, but there are a few of those people in our lives so it took the pressure off.

That's what I'd recommend - tell people who would support you if it all went south, and just caveat it's early days and a lot could change. Fingers crossed for you! 🌈 ❤️

I've only just started people and I'm 32 weeks lol.
I told family when I was 20 weeks I'm actually really close to my family but my sister was having trouble conceiving and had announced a pregnancy not long after we found out so didn't want to take anything away from her.

Unless you normally like a drink most people won't notice. They didn't with me

Congratulations! ❤️

I think you need to do what feels right for you, there is no right or wrong choice.
I still also be 8 weeks so far only my husband, my best friend and husbands boss know.

We are planning on telling parents and siblings and my other best friend at Christmas as we also have an early scan booked and again these should be the people we turn to if anything goes wrong.

Everyone else including my work will be told eventually once we've had the 12 week scan.

I hope everything goes well for you, it's sounds like you have a lovely caring circle around you.

There is no rule that says you have to wait till after 12 weeks to tell anyone, you could tell everyone when you first found out if you wanted to or you could wait till 8 weeks, 20 weeks, birth..... it's completely up to you!

The reason for the '12 weeks' thing is that this is the first scan for many in the UK and also the time when the risk of MC becomes so much lower. I live in a different country and my husband had never heard of waiting till after 12 weeks, they tell people straight away here.

For me personally, I told people as and when I felt comfortable doing so. The ones I told earlier were the ones I would have turned to for support had something gone wrong. I also felt more comfortable telling those closest to us after i'd had a scan at 8+2 as 6-8 weeks is one of the highest risk times for MC during pregnancy and those risks drop significantly once you've seen a healthy HB at 8+ weeks.

This is a bit of a pet peeve of mine, OP. You tell whoever you want, whenever you want!! This weird unwritten 12-week rule only serves to isolate women, and take away their support network should the worst happen. You are pregnant. It is your baby. Now is the time to start making the right decisions for you and your family. So, if you want to tell people, then tell them. Of course you know all about miscarriage rates, but if they're the people you would want support from, whatever happens with your pregnancy, then all the more reason to open up as soon as you feel ready

And congratulations!! I wish you a very safe and happy pregnancy xx

I couldn’t hide my excitement when I was 8 weeks and told my close friends at a meal when they noticed I wasn’t drinking. We also told our parents previously. It was so much joy all around. But the heartache was tripled then we had to break the sad news 3 weeks later. It’s all very unpredictable.

So I lean towards telling people only when it’s definitely happening. That said, you choose who you want to share your news with. Congrats and I hope you have a reassuring scan ahead 🙂

Share as much as you feel comfortable doing OP. I'd just caveat that it's still early so they can support you with cautious optimism. We had a scan at 6 weeks and I'm having another tomorrow when I'll be almost 10 weeks. We told close family and friends after the first scan as I didn't see the point in hiding my exhaustion and wanted to get a little excited. We'll tell extended family why I'm not drinking if they ask over the Christmas period. I'll tell work when back from Christmas holidays.

In our first pregnancy we didn't tell anyone in the early weeks. Then I had a miscarriage. I wish we had told some close friends before as I think it would have helped the whole thing feel more real and my feelings of grief more normal.

I'll be at the same stage at Christmas, around 8 weeks. I'm having an early viability scan on Christmas Eve. I thought it would be obvious that I'm not drinking anything, and family know of our plans, so it seemed like an ideal time to announce.

I told people whenever it came up. So PIL and parents at about 6 weeks when we spoke to them. A load of people at 10 weeks because I wasn't drinking at a wedding. Never wanted to keep it a secret or announce it so I did neither with most people. Answered questions honestly about not drinking but didn't bring it up deliberately.