Can’t stop getting private scans due to anxiety

[SophieRules]

I had a missed miscarriage, after seeing a heartbeat. Since then I’m pregnant again and constantly fear the same happening again. I’ve been getting scans almost weekly and thought I’d feel totally different after 12 weeks, but having had the 12 week nhs dating scan last week I immediately felt anxious. And to be honest even more anxious now that people know is pregnant as I’m sorry worried about letting people down if something goes wrong. And have already been thinking about getting another scan. But they are expensive and aren’t helping my mental health. Has anyone got any advice? I have quite a few pregnant friends but the only ones that have had a miscarriage have a child so I feel quite isolated and alone, and just get told to be positive. I wish it was that simple.

Have you spoken to your midwife about your anxiety? It might be a good idea for you to be referred to the peri mental health team for some support during your pregnancy.
I had a MMC 10 years ago and didn't find out until the 12 week scan and it was so traumatic I completely understand where you are coming from in terms of your anxiety. For what it's worth, I've had two children since then and I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant with my third, with no miscarriages in between and all very textbook/uneventful pregnancies.
Having a miscarriage/MMC doesn't mean you will go on to have another and the fact you've had a 12 week scan showing a healthy baby is amazing. Your chances of something going wrong now are obviously not impossible, but very slim and no amount of scanning is going to reassure you. The best thing to do is focus on working through your anxiety and previous MMC trauma and I think you probably just need a bit of help with that.

I don't have any advice at all, but as someone who understands exactly where you are at - the anxiety is not unreasonable. Being told to just be positive is quite possibly the least helpful thing people can say! It's like - sure of course, silly me, I'll just do that! 🤦
I'd recommend speaking to your midwife about how you're feeling, and speak to your closest loved ones who perhaps won't be saying the rubbish about just being positive. Try and stay busy. Also something people have told me that is useful is "right now, at this second, I have no reason to think something is wrong". I know with missed miscarriages that this doesn't fix exactly, but the sentiment is still true. Statistically you're in a strong position for things to go right, it's much more likely than for things to go wrong. Sending a big reassurance hug your way xx

I was exactly like this and it's exhausting (and expensive!).
As others have said, get a referral from both midwife for CBT or some other help with your anxiety.
But just to say that I didn't feel the need to get further scans after the 20 week one because at that stage the anatomy one said everything was fine, and once you can feel movement, you know they're still in there! I didn't see what else a private scan would tell me.
Hope you feel more at ease soon 💐

Can you get a Doppler machine to use at home?

Please go and seek help for this anxiety as soon as you can

I say this because I was very anxious during my pregnancy due to numerous losses. I had a scan every fortnight with the NHS so didnt have to pay

That anxiety didn't go away when the baby arrived. It got so much worse. I was so anxious about my baby dying and I had no idea it wasnt normal to be that worried. I didnt leave my house for 6 months once I'd had the baby because i was so anxious we could get run over, the pram might fall, someone might take my baby ect. I'd wake up everyday panicking incase my baby had passed while I was asleep

Honestly, go and get help now because it has the chance to get even worse and it's awful. I had no idea pre natal and post natal anxiety was even a thing until a few years ago

Don’t do this. You’re more than likely not going to be able to find their heart beat which will panic you. They’re so small. Or in later pregnancy you’re more likely to find your own heart beat which will provide false reassurance.

I second calling your midwife tomorrow. You need help with your anxiety, which is nothing to be ashamed of.

Please don't get a Doppler, you'll just feed into your anxieties and you might scare yourself even more if you won't be able to find a heartbeat.

I am sorry for your previous loss

I think it's a good idea to speak to your midwife and get some counseling to help you process your anxiety.

The worst advice ever. These things should be banned for the public to buy. They are downright dangerous.

OP speak to your midwife for some help. CBT could help with this for you.

You can self refer to your local talking therapies service, also request to be put on the mental health midwife’s case load

My second baby was stillborn, so my following pregnancy was horrendously stressful. I'd bought a doppler but kindly my midwife told me to stop using it as it really wasn't helping. I had scans every 5 days to check the placenta and by the time I delivered I was a basket case.

4th pregnancy - had a 12 week, and 19 week scan and that was it. I refused everything else as it just didn't help my anxiety at all, it worsened it.

I had a very strong feeling towards the end with my 4th that what will be, will be and my worrying had fuck all impact on any of it!

I know people advise against it, but after 3 miscarriages I had a Doppler and I used it every single day from about 8 weeks to when I could feel the baby move regularly. It saved my sanity. I never once tried for more than 2 minutes to find the HB and normally found it within the first few seconds.

@IkeaJesusWept have you ever used a Doppler? It's impossible to mistake the babies (incredibly fast) HB for your own. I used one every day through both pregnancies and found it to be a fabulous tool until I could feel movements and then I stopped using it.

Thanks for all of your responses. I won’t be getting a Doppler as I think the more monitoring the worse I am. I will speak to my midwife/look into free talking therapies. I just think I need to process the miscarriage and develop some healthier ways of thinking. I don’t want to continue all this constant scanning/monitoring as it doesn’t help me.

Yes. In a medical setting. Unfortunately people do mistake what they’re hearing, like sounds of the womb for the heartbeat. Then this leads to them not getting checked out, when they’ve had reduced movements for example - and instead of getting professionally checked out and reassured or having the intervention they need they let it go on for to long.
I’ll never forget the poor woman who we cared for where this was the case. The outcome was not good.
All the medical professionals I know believe, as I do, that they shouldn’t be used unless you’re a medic.
Its wrong they’re sold.

I’m glad you’re going to speak to the midwife. I’m sure you’ll have a happy and safe pregnancy and this time next year will be holding your lovely baby.

I was also really anxious in my pregnancy after an ectopic and also had the constant urge to have private scans! I will say the urge went away once I felt baby move as that is a daily reassurance that baby is in there! I have had one more private scan at 28 weeks for an extra anomaly scan and no urges for any scans since then. I would just try to limit yourself to once scan every 4 weeks and then hopefully you’ll naturally have less of an urge once you feel baby move. Good luck!

Totally get this OP! I had scans at 6, 8, 9.5 and 11 weeks including a NIPT. My NHS scan was at 12.5 weeks. I have a 17 week scan booked for 12 days time. This is the longest I’ve gone without a scan. It will be over 4 weeks. I’ve had really anxious days but just trying to trust my body now and hope and pray that everything is okay. I will be telling family after the 17 week scan