Pregnancy wreaks havoc on my body... should I have a third?

[LifesAContradiction]

Being pregnancy simply does not agree with me. I've been pregnant twice and the second was worse than the first.

Second pregnancy gave me pelvic girdle pain (pgp) and it was debilitating at times. As far as I'm aware, it comes back worse with subsequent pregnancies.

I had all the symptoms, at different times and durations but they were ALWAYS there. 'Morning' sickness the whole way through. Hyperemises gravidarum in the first trimester. Hated it. Everything about it. Grateful for being able to get pregnant and having my DD's but hated absolutely hated pregnancy and being pregnant.

I preferred labour/giving birth to being pregnant - and second birth I did drug free!!!Imagine. I thought I was going to die yet I can still picture myself mildly experiencing that again than actually being pregnant.

And mentally it's been challenging. PP has wrecked me in irreversible ways. At one point I thought I had PPD (could still be that).

I've always wanted 3 kids. I have a 3 year old and a baby who is 9 months old and I feel like I need to mentalise whether I want to get pregnant again. If I'm not, I can close that chapter of life and start to live differently as my baby grows (I won't have to go through a newborns sleep routine again!). But I feel I'll always mourn the third child I never had (I think of it as what I want my family to look like in 10/20/30 years time).

Does pregnancy always wreck your body, the more times you go through it?
Does your body ever recover from the strains of pregnancy?
Is having 3 kids too much work? When you have two, it's quite manageable. But with 3, do you lose yourself completely?

Thanks in advance for any responses!!

I have HG both pregnancies and PND both times too. I desperately wanted a second child and had hoped the HG wouldn’t return/ I’d have more support for PND if that did reoccur (which was true) however I could never contemplate more children. 9 months is such a long time and it was so much harder to manage the HG with a v young child. So for me it was definitely the right decision to stop at 2 - if you really are desperate I would definitely suggest waiting until baby is older unless you have a huge amount of support

Personally I’d prioritise your well being and caring for the two DC you already have.

I wouldn't in your situation

@Donotgogentle has put it well.

I'm almost 12 weeks with my second and I've been so sick the last 8 weeks , just like I was with my first but at least then I could rest but now I've a 3 year old to mind . I can't imagine being this unwell with hyperemesis and having 2 small kids . It would be so hard and we've no help. So for me a 3rd is an absolute no 😅

I personally would put my health and well-being aswell as my children’s over the desire for another child.

a rubbish pregnancy where you are struggling to not be sick or to walk due to pain isn’t fun with two other children in tow.

i have a friend( who is in her 20s so still young who wanted another baby after a horrendous first pregnancy. Baby is 1 now and she is in constant pain due to the damage the PGP has caused and she now walks constantly with sticks to keep her balance as it’s done so much damage to her body. She’s just pushed her body too far.

Keep the comments going please, they're much appreciated! I need to read this so I can make a sound decision at the end of the day - and learning about others' experiences is a good way to do this. Thank you

I would prioritise your health for the two children you already have OP. If some type of more permanent issue were to occur, how would it make you feel if it impacted looking after your children?

Can completely understand where you’re coming from though, I hated being pregnant and the second time was so much harder. PGP was a lot worse and I had sciatica, and I couldn’t rest because of looking after my oldest. However here I am wondering about a third!!

Agreed

I cant imagine looking after 2 babies AND feeling as you've described.
and i think it would also be hard (and potentially frightening) for your DDs to see you so unwell

Simultaneously i understand if you have a fixed idea (ie i want 3 children) its hard to give that up.

I'd be looking hard at the negative outcomes of rolling the dice a third time. Eg negative outcomes /long term health issues for you and/or 3rd baby

No. Maybe it’s because I know I only want one child but I struggle to understand how women put themselves through this after the first couple of times.

@Squeezetheday can't help but think, what if I worked on getting fit and healthier (the way I was before my first pregnancy), my body might handle it better?

You're very right though. Where I am right now, I can look after my current kids. I feel like I have no muscle strength left but can get that once I'm out of the baby phase and start exercising. Or worse, I become one of those snappy mums because even though I love my kids, I can't handle dividing my attention equally between three and that guilt will wreck my sanity. Hope that makes sense (does in my head!). A crystal ball would be so good to have lol.

29 weeks with my second. This pregnancy has been a lot harder than my first. I didn't exactly enjoy it the first time but this time I'm wishing the time away. I'd happily swap being in labour for days rather than go through pregnancy again.

Looking after a toddler pregnant is horrific, nevermind two.

The first time I was blissfully unaware that horrific birth injuries are as common as they are and this time I'm just hoping to come out of the other side without some debilitating injury that means I soil or wee myself for the rest of my life.
Plus despite having the most patient husband in the world I still feel I could poke him in the eye as he just doesn't 'get it'.

PGP has been so much worse this time than last. It's right behind my cl*toris and is fucking agony!

Plus we only have two hands. One for each kid 😂

I wouldn’t have another; no way.

This. Focus your energy on raising the two children you have and then on developing your own skills, career, creativity, friendships.

I think you’re either going to get people who’ve gone for it here saying yes or people who have decided not to saying no. There’s no right answer & not everyone feels the same strength of feeling about when they feel complete. I’ve had awful pregnancies and awful birth experiences as well to be honest but I’m currently pregnant with number 3 and I’m actually having a much easier time than in prior pregnancies - another unknown about the decision! My kids deserve me not always looking at them thinking ‘what if’ and for me that just wasn’t going away, I appreciate that for some people the feeling might fade a bit easier. Just another perspective - what suits one doesn’t always suit another :)

First baby I got horrific thrombosed piles in third trimester and have had so many issues and pain with them over the last 5.5 years second baby crippling pgp as well as the bum issues , insomnia, carpel tunnel, awful diastis recti which an umbilical hernia popped out from needing surgery on a year after. Third pregnancy which was unplanned most of the above plus the worst pgp I was on crutches whereever possible from 24 weeks and saw the osteopath ALOT which at £70 a pop was stressful . The third pregnancy affected my other 2 children a lot and I still feel so guilty about it.
Would love a 4th but in reality it would be the worst pregnancy yet and I can't put my kids through that. We have had several lengthy decisions and decided that in a few years time if we still have that yearning for a 4th we will go down the adoption route . We've spoken about adopting ever since we got together 11 years ago and I feel at peace with my decision knowing we could change a child's life for the better should we go down that route. We've done our bit for population and more.
In short id stop at 2 your third pregnancy would be same or more likely worse

34 weeks with my 3rd. I get HG until 20- 24 weeks ish and this time was WAY worse than my other two. Without my husband's support I really don't know what I'd have done - luckily he's brilliant with the kids but the house definitely suffered 😂
I'm relatively fit and healthy and my body is now aching, sciatica is hurting even sitting hurts, piles... I'm also older (38) and have a 5 year old, a just turned 3 year old and a prolapsed bladder in tow...it's been rough and if my husband mentions a fourth again I'll not sure I'll be responsible for my actions!

The physical aside, and that's bad enough, mentally dealing with a toddler and a five year old with big feelings has been hard for me and my patience has been stretched to its limit.
We've also had to buy a bigger car -three car seats - and work out where this little one will fit into our house sleeping arrangements wise.
The younger siblings will be boy, girl.

That said I'm very excited for this baby and she was very much wanted, I'd had miscarriages before her, I can't wait to meet her although a little worried for the birth and post natal period with two other kids.

I also have hell in my pregnancies - PGP, exhaustion, bedrest for months at the end. I absolutely hate it.

I've always wanted four kids. I'm sticking at three because I hate being pregnant so much. Halfway through my second pregnancy and I just keep thinking that once I'm through all three pregnancies, I'm done. Never again

It's up to you OP - for me, my pregnancies are the price I pay for my babies

Could you foster/adopt?

Really appreciating the straightforward and honest responses 🥺 keep 'em coming if you don't mind sharing your experiences!

Reading them all, I definitely have more clarity on the matter which I'm grateful for so thank you guys. As you all know, when something is stuck in your mind postpartum, it loves to fester and sit in your mind until you've dealt with it!!

As it stands... I'm not closed off to having a third and a lot less anxious if I did, but from my new perspective, I'm definitely more content and grateful having just the two.

A couple of the comments have really stuck a cord and I will probably read over them every now and again. appreciate it! ♥️