You're never guaranteed a baby...

[Beeches24]

(I'll preface this post with this is obviously anxiety fuelled and previous losses etc. Any therapies on NHS etc are a 6 month waiting list. Midwives aware of my anxiety.)

I'll be 21 weeks on Wednesday and I still haven't reached the point where I can let my guard down (2nd pregnancy). I keep trying to keep calm but get fixated on statistics and viability etc.

It does ruin me because up until the baby is in your arms there's still lots that can go wrong. I think my algorithms also get me seeing the worst.

There's so many posts on here and they seem so certain their baby will be here when x, y, z happen and I can't hold on to that.

Have you looked at the stats? Past 12 weeks it’s really low to lose a baby

I'm always on the wrong side of stats...

My luck is not there.

I’ll be honest I think I’d rather of not relaxed had I known. My first child is disabled and it wasn’t something that was picked up with the scans.

I wish I had considered when I thought about children that I might be the one it happened to. It happens all the time, stepped into my next pregnancies following that with my eyes wide open and no relief until they all hit milestones.

Sometimes I think we try and push away fear of the unknown when instead we should embrace that we don’t have control. Rather than blind optimism that everything will turn out ok.

I hear you. After losses, and at an "advanced maternal age", I felt alarmed when I let my guard down and relaxed.

But do you know what? While irrationally my mind told me I would be (emotionally) safer if I didn't relax and enjoy the pregnancy, I don't think it works that way. You are no less risk of stillbirth or complications or anything else if you don't enjoy your bump, chat to people about trivial baby stuff as well as the serious, make frivolous purchases.

I know it's easy to say now 10months post partum but the 2nd and 3rd trimester go past so quickly. After the birth I actually slightly missed being pregnant. For sure, worrying won't make you or your baby and better off so do try active relaxation techniques, whatever works for you.

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling with these thoughts. I had exactly the same after my miscarriage too. It's really hard, and yes, especially when you see people talking with certainty about the arrivals of their babies with seemingly no anxiety at all. I will say though, now I've had a baby, I do wish I'd spent more time enjoying the process; it's obvious to say but worrying doesn't change the outcome

I hear you OP. My first pregnancy was a breeze so I took for granted that you get pregnant and have a baby. My second pregnancy was ectopic and after that with my third (viable) pregnancy I didn’t stop checking for blood in my pants until he was delivered! It really stole the joy from pregnancy that I’d had with my first. The odds are not firmly in your favour though OP so don’t lose sight of how special pregnancy is.

I’m really sorry you’re struggling. I think your thread title might be quite upsetting/triggering to some who are also suffering with pregnancy anxiety, could you perhaps ask for it to be changed?

One thing I have found helpful is using social media blocking functions to block certain hashtags or trigger words from appearing in my feed. Wishing you a happy and healthy pregnancy 💐.

@Beeches24 I'm really sorry you are having a stressful and anxious pregnancy.

The stats are that whilst 73% of conceptions don't make it to 6 weeks development (though a lot of unsuccessful pregnancies don't get detected until the 12 week scan) after that point 90% of pregnancies will survive to full term. Obviously there's no guarantees but at 21 weeks if nothing has gone wrong yet it is almost certainly all going to be fine.

Of course tragedies happen. People can have a healthy pregnancy and then something can go terribly wrong in the last few weeks or during birth. But for the vast majority of women unless their doctor has told them otherwise they shoukd certainly be planning their lives on the assumption that a baby will be arriving at some point close to their expected due date. In the tiny % of cases where sadly that doesn't happen, the fact that they made plans that won’t now happen will be the very least of their griefs. Meanwhile keeping a positive mindset and assuming that all will be well is beneficial to your blood chenistry and helps you and your baby to be healthier.

I was like that after two miscarriages. With my third pregnancy, I left it to the absolute last minute to buy everything. He turned up and I was completely unprepared mentally or in terms of equipment. It's hard to feel safe when you've experienced loss. I hope this pregnancy goes well for you.

Well I think you're being rightly cautious. So much can and does go wrong and your baby wouldn't survive if born yet...

Me too OP but here I am with my little girl sleeping on me. I never felt like she would be here until she actually came home. It’s not unusual after loss. Be kind to yourself, take every day at a time. It’s all you can do 💐

The odds are now in your favour, pre term births, better odds too.
Try to relax tho

I am sorry that you are not able to enjoy your pregnancy . I think it is perfectly understandable to feel anxious for those of us who have struggled to get pregnant and or have had previous losses .
As others have said the odds are in your favour that you will have a healthy baby .

Ask yourself are you someone who benefits from being armed with facts and this helps reduce your anxiety ? I like to know the facts myself . If however you are finding that this is increasing your anxiety , I think you need to try and step away from social media etc . I think bear in mind that people usually tend to seek advice / post when something is wrong - so you are not getting an accurate picture but a skewed one .

Those that don't have any issues will be gaily getting on with life .

Have you had your 20 week scan yet and was everything ok ?

Things I did which may help you (obviously finances permitting ) ; I did some fortnightly acupuncture with a practitioner experienced in pregnancy . Can look at other alternative pregnancy therapies .

I also went for a few private scans .

I think the main thing is to look after yourself and do what you can that helps you relax , watching a box set , a relaxing but not too hot bubble bath etc , nice chocolate .

Would it help to keep a journal to scribble a few things down ? Have 10 minutes a day with any anxieties and then try and not dwell on it afterwards .
If you do find you are catastrophising rather than being anxious I think it would be helpful to speak to your midwife / GP and to see what they can offer .

Speak to those family / friends / partner who will support you . Will listen to your worries and discuss them with you .

I wish you a boring , uneventful pregnancy and a straightforward birth .

I think it's natural for people to assume that you get pregnant and everything is fine unless you've been impacted by a previous experience NOT being fine.

I know I was completely unworried until I had a missed miscarriage. Then a friend also had a late miscarriage and a work colleague had a stillbirth. In my second pregnancy I couldn't even face telling anyone until about 24 weeks. I really didn't enjoy pregnancy.

I really wish you well x

Ah OP, I hear you!

This is my second pregnancy too and I've felt a lot more anxious this time for some reason - I keep telling myself I'll be better once I get to certain milestones.....first early scan, heartbeat after 8 weeks, low risk NIPT, 12 week scan, another scan, anomaly scan etc.
The latest was 'once I reach viability at 24 weeks'.....well, I'm 24+2 now and it's changed to 'once I hit the 3rd trimester'.
It's never ending.

I have friends who had a stillborn baby at term and I don't think that's ever left me to be honest. I don't agree with baby showers for this same reason, how can you possibly celebrate a baby until they are here safe and sound?