Can I please have some help with this scenario

[Motherof1and2dogs]

Hi everyone,

Hope I can get some help and advice with this situation. Apologies for the long post!
So I am coming up to 9 weeks, my EDD is 15 July 2025.

Mine and my husbands best friends are getting married August 2025 in Cyprus so it will be extremely hot and baby will only be around 4 weeks old, I don't feel comfortable at all to be going abroad so early on after giving birth, I will still be healing myself, baby wouldn't of had jabs either and I would be so worried about baby getting ill, especially from the aeroplane! Not only that but it just seems a lot with a newborn. So our friends our coming round tomorrow and we need to break the news to them that we are not going to their wedding and I am so nervous. To top it off I am supposed to be her bridesmaid! I really hope she will understand.

Now what should we do about the hen and stag dos?! this is what we are stuck on.

So these are also abroad. I am supposed to be going Barcelona in May and my Husband is supposed to be going Croatia in June. Are we out of order to also say we won't be going to these or would the right thing to do be to go?
I will be around 7 months in May so fairly heavy, I feel I would have anxiety being in another country if anything went wrong and not having my husband around in case anything happened, and then it's the same for him being abroad, I will be 8 months in June and I would just be so worried about having the baby early while he is away or something going wrong.

It is a bit of a party holiday with about 10 other crazy loud girls so I feel I could get a bit grumpy if I am being kept awake at 3am by a load of screaming girls. I sound like such a kill joy!!! I would be 100% joining in if I wasn't pregnant but I just feel like I might be very tired at this stage. Or should I just grow up and make the most of it and celebrate my best friends hen do.
What should we do, I feel very stuck! :(

I wouldn’t go to the wedding or the hen do. If they are good friends they will be pleased for you and understand.

I'd probably go to both, if I'm honest, for a good friend let alone a best friend - I'd just make sure accommodation was sorted so I could go back to sleep, and let them carry on partying.

But if you're sure that you don't want to, all you can do is explain that you don't feel it'll work to go, and apologise. If she knows you're pregnant, she's probably worked out that there's a chance that this will happen and you won't be up to it.

I wouldn't go to the wedding or hen do. Maybe DH could go to his thing if that works for you. If they are good friends, they'll be disappointed but understand.

You will likely struggle to get a passport sorted for baby within four weeks, and that's assuming they don't come late and you have even less time!

Definitely wedding is out. Hen dos are difficult while pregnant at the best of times but being abroad I would think is too much. Also too late in the game for your OH to go abroad to the stag imo. A lot of women need their partners' support quite a lot towards the end, so aside from the fear of early labour I reckon you'll just need him either way.
If they're good friends they'll understand. If they react badly, it says a lot about them as people.
Might I suggest you try to organise a 'mini hen' type of thing..like a nice meal to celebrate and make a fuss of your friend with her nearest and dearest. Showing her you want to be involved and are excited for her, just in a more practical and realistic way🤭

Will you be able to fly that late in pregnancy? I took DC2 to a local wedding (DH was best man) when he was 4 weeks. That was a tough day, not an enjoyable experience. No chance I'd be attending this wedding in Cyprus in that heat.

Don't go to any off it. Will be much better to tell the bride now, than have to drop the bombshell near the time. 7 months should be fine, but hubby needs to stay near you and you need to rest. Babies coming 2 months early is not impossible. If you can afford it, see if you can do something nice the two of you. A bit before the hen do, you should be feeling fine - pregnancy friendly spa day? Afternoon tea? That sort of thing.

@remaininghopeful23 brilliant idea to do a little mini hen/ stag! I didn't even think of that. Thank you. We will also give them a very generous wedding gift as well as we will not be spending the 5k for the holiday. We also have a 2 year old so it would be very tough and challenging without my husband when I am getting bigger and need more help. The stag is also for 4 nights so it's a long time without help being 8 months pregnant.

@stichguru yes I will 100% be doing something for her separately or me and my husband will do something joint with them both to celebrate. Someone mentioned this earlier and I didn't even think to do this!
The wedding was going to cost us around 5k for the hotel for me my husband and our 2 year old anyway so as we will no longer be paying that we can most certainly afford to do something else with them :)
The stag do is for 4 nights as well so it's a long time for him to not be around when I am so heavily pregnant. Just feel so awful that we can't make any of it really

No problem at all! I think they'll really appreciate the fuss being made and it will be nice for you guys as well to experience some of the excitement in the run up to the wedding. Even more reason for your OH to stay at home if you have a 2yo! Good luck with the conversation I know you'll feel anxious but they sound like good friends and will be so happy for you!

You almost certainly won't be able to get a passport in time for a 4 week old anyway. I took my 6 and a bit week old abroad and we only barely scraped the passport in time. And unless you already have a section date scheduled, baby might be only be a few weeks old. You going to the wedding is clearly a nonstarter. I'd just straight up say I wouldn't make the hen, sorry, because I know I wouldn't enjoy it and life's too short to pander to unreasonable people. If they are reasonable, they'll understand; if they're unreasonable, to hell with them anyway.

I just wouldn’t go to the wedding. I had my wedding abroad and 2 of my pregnant friends including my best friend didn’t go because they were pregnant and I understood. Honestly when I had my son I found it hard enough to muster up the energy to go to the local shop when he was 4 weeks old, let alone get on a plane to Cyprus . Do what you feel like doing I say. It would be unreasonable for you to be expected to travel with a baby that small.

I wouldn’t go to the wedding for many reasons - passport issues, heat, reasonably long flight, and you just don’t know how you’ll be feeling at that point.

Personally, though, I’d definitely go to the hen do unless I had specific pregnancy-related issues that precluded it. It’s a long way from your due date and would be nice to do something before the baby is born and it becomes more difficult. I’ve signed up to a hen do in Spring when I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant and I’m really looking forward to it.

Wedding, agree with you. And practically you probably wouldn't manage it with the passport issue as someone else said.

If your pregnancy is straight forwards, no risks etc, I'd probably go to the hen do given you're not going to the wedding, as you said it's your best friend. You're not that big at 7 months, I'd say it's totally manageable if you just plan to rest etc in between whatever is scheduled and set some expectations you might have to see how you go in terms of how much you join in with.

No reason for your husband not to go on the stag do.

Let's be practical here

wedding - it's highly unlikely you would get a passport for the baby in time, and there's no way you'd leave a 4 week old at home. So explain the system is against you

Hen do in May. Well it depends when in May - air lines have rules on flying when pregnant. I think I'm right in saying most require a fitness to fly letter from GP from 32 weeks on. So again you can use the system to help you.

Stag do in June - would be keen on DH going.

It is a fact of life that as friendship groups evolve from weddings to kids, that sometimes the 2 conflict, however close the friendship.

Definitely wouldn't go to the wedding - you can't predict the birth and how you'll be feeling after etc. and would probably be quite stressful with a newborn!

I'd consider the hen do if you can fly. I'm currently 8 months pregnant and could manage if I really wanted to! I think to depends how much you want to go. Equally be totally understandable if you weren't feeling up to it!

Slightly different but my best friend is getting married next year, in August, I'm bridesmaid.
Baby is being born this December. Her hen do is in June in Ibiza, and I bowed out. I wasn't comfortable with leaving my baby at 6 months old for a 5 night holiday abroad, I also couldn't really afford spending so much money while on maternity leave, of course we have savings, but I didn't want to dip into them for a holiday I likely wouldn't enjoy all that much because I'd be missing my baby and risk leaving myself short if something was to crop up. She was completely understanding, no guilt whatsoever.
Of course I'll be attending the wedding, and I've already organised a family member to have baby that day/night so I can be 100% present, even though baby was welcome, I didn't want to be distracted on such a important day to her. If they're a good friend, they should understand even if they're a little disappointed xxxx