Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Possible miscarriage part 2 - am I right to complain?

25 replies

nlab777 · 05/12/2024 10:25

Hi all

Sorry for the long post.

Following up from my post regarding me thinking I was miscarrying. I began bleeding and having quite intense pain at 645 yesterday morning and by about 930 the bleeding had tapered off into brown period like bleeding and the pain wasn't as intense. I thought this was it all over and spent the rest of the day a crying mess. Stopped using my progesterone and took my estrogen patches off, I was so convinced it was definitely over. I tried calling my IVF nurses to let them know this had happened as I was due to have a scan with them next week, it kept going to voicemail so I left a message asking for a call back. This was around 11am, fast forward to about 340pm I still hadn't had a call back. I would have rang my local EPU however I have called them with concerns earlier in my pregnancy and have been told by the same nurse every time that they can't see me because I'm still under the care of the infertility team at another hospital much further away. So I called 111 because my pain was quite bad again and just so constant it was making me feel physically sick, plus I was worrying because I felt like could feel it more on the left side at times. Got passed onto a nurse at 111 who advised me to go to A&E and tell them I've been sent there by 111 and that she was sending over all the notes that she took during the call. Waited for my partner coming home and arranged for my neighbour to look after our dog as we didn't know how long we'd be gone or if I'd get admitted etc. So we went to A&E, had a bit of a wait to be triaged then back to waiting, finally after about 3/4 hours I was taken through to a bay by one of the doctors. Bloods taken, urine pregnancy test and a feel of my abdomen was done. Doctor was a bit concerned because upon feeling the bottom middle and left side of my stomach I was in clear pain and felt like I was going to be sick. She called the gynae ward who said they wanted to see me. Another few hours and a wee sleep later I'm being taken up to the gynae ward. Another couple hours of waiting and I'm having an internal examination by a different doctor who tells me she can't see a lot of blood only a small amount and that my cervix is closed but we were still waiting for my blood results. Around 130am so about an hour later she comes back to tell me my blood results are in and my HCG is sitting at 22,857. Obviously with this being the only set of bloods they don't know if that's gone up from a lower number or dropping from a higher number. She said she's putting in a referral to EPU (at the same hospital) for me to be scanned and possibly repeat bloods done either later on today or tomorrow. This morning I woke up and got a call from EPU. Of course it was the same nurse who kept telling me when I'd called them myself that they couldn't see me and I'd have to go back to the infertility clinic as I'm still under their care. She seemed absolutely pissed off that I'd been referred to them and not back to the infertility team. Blatantly said to me on the call "I don't know why we're having to follow you up" "why didn't you go to that hospital last night, why did you come here?" "You need to call the infertility clinic and arrange to see them" I told her that I'd been in contact with them and was told I had to wait till my official scan date to see them and that yesterday I'd tried calling them to advise them of the situation and that I'd had to leave a voicemail to request a callback which I'd done and the callback never came. She was clearly annoyed whether at me or at gynae for referring me to them I don't know but I don't feel it was appropriate for her to blatantly show her annoyance towards me on the phone. I'm in the mind to put in a complaint as this is the only hospital in my area/healthboard that actually has an EPU and I think I'm entitled to care from that department considering the gynae doctors have clearly saw fit that I be scanned by them today. She told me she was going to call the infertility team that I'm currently under the care of and that I should be doing the same then hung up on me. I got a call back from her 10 minutes later to say she'd called them and they were going to scan me tomorrow morning so it was "up to me" if I wanted to go to them tomorrow or come to EPU today to be scanned. Obviously I said I think it makes more sense for me to be scanned by yourselves at EPU today given I need to know what's going on and would prefer to know so today and the doctor has gone to the trouble of referring me to EPU for the scan anyway?? Wow what a bad thing that was for me to say. Huffing and hawing down the phone and "right I'll see you this afternoon but just know your usual hospital won't scan you tomorrow if that's the case" I said that's fine I can wait till my official scan date with them depending on the answers todays scan will give me. "Right ok well if anymore issues you call the infertility team not us ok bye" I am stunned that I've been spoken to like this and shown such annoyance when I'm already having a bad time and feeling anxious as it is. Now I need to go in there today to be scanned by this woman which I feel so uncomfortable about but at the same time I'd rather know today what's going on plus like I mentioned before the infertility team are at another hospital that's much further away from where I am based. Would I be in the right to raise a complaint about this? Thanks for reading and for any advice. X

OP posts:
renoleno · 05/12/2024 10:52

Yes, definitely complain via PALS. A&E and EPU are for emergency situations like yours irrespective if you're being treated by another hospital. She was unprofessional and questioning a referral by a doctor is bonkers behaviour. So sorry you had to deal with this during a difficult enough time.

Greenstonecurt · 05/12/2024 10:55

Absolutely complain, every single detail and ask to speak to another midwife in future. So awful.

Hope you are ok.

Apollo365 · 05/12/2024 10:59

Disgusting treatment! Absolutely complain. So sorry OP 😢

FranticFrankie · 05/12/2024 11:04

If the referral to EPU was made by a health professional, the EPU nurse (presume nurse not midwife??) should have accepted it and agreed to see you as soon as possible.
It’s definitely worth informing PALS as it could be that the system needs looking at. It could also be that the referral hadn’t reached the EPU? Usually phone call made health professional-to-health professional.
But the nurse’s telephone manner might need addressing
Good luck OP

Nomnomnew · 05/12/2024 11:05

That’s awful! I’m sorry you were treated so badly. Different hospital / department politics is not your problem or responsibility to navigate and you tried to get hold of your normal team anyway! I hope you are okay. I would definitely complain.

OverTheRainbow18 · 05/12/2024 11:12

Yes, I would definitely complain, it's not acceptable to treat you in that way. I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time and it's been made even harder by such poor treatment. Sending gentle hugs.

nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:12

renoleno · 05/12/2024 10:52

Yes, definitely complain via PALS. A&E and EPU are for emergency situations like yours irrespective if you're being treated by another hospital. She was unprofessional and questioning a referral by a doctor is bonkers behaviour. So sorry you had to deal with this during a difficult enough time.

Well this is it, the nurse who handled my call with 111 said to me herself, to go to A&E at THAT particular hospital seeing as it's the closest one to where I live. The hospital that I had my IVF with does have an A&E dept, however because its an hour and a half's drive from where I live, the nurse told me there's no point in me driving all that way when the hospital nearest to me has an A&E dept too, and that's where I need to be seen first and foremost - I didn't know I'd be referred to EPU there. But that's what the doctor saw as the best option after examining me and

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:14

Greenstonecurt · 05/12/2024 10:55

Absolutely complain, every single detail and ask to speak to another midwife in future. So awful.

Hope you are ok.

I will be writing up my complaint today, I'm going to wait until after my scan has been done as there's no doubt in my mind that she will have a venomous attitude at the appointment, as well as her way of speaking to me on the phone. I don't currently have a midwife, I was advised by the IVF team to wait until my scan with them next week and if it's all ok they will then release me into the care of a community midwife

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:15

Apollo365 · 05/12/2024 10:59

Disgusting treatment! Absolutely complain. So sorry OP 😢

Thank you, I'm writing up my complaint after my scan today - I feel she will absolutely have an attitude with me when I go in today. My partner is disgusted as he was sat with me and could hear the phone call, to the point he wants to make his own complaint just based off what he heard

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:17

FranticFrankie · 05/12/2024 11:04

If the referral to EPU was made by a health professional, the EPU nurse (presume nurse not midwife??) should have accepted it and agreed to see you as soon as possible.
It’s definitely worth informing PALS as it could be that the system needs looking at. It could also be that the referral hadn’t reached the EPU? Usually phone call made health professional-to-health professional.
But the nurse’s telephone manner might need addressing
Good luck OP

Thank you, yes as far as I'm aware she is a staff nurse not a midwife. I'm honestly shocked as every doctor and nurse who dealt with me last night, between A&E and the gynae ward, were so lovely and I cannot fault the care and respect all of them treated me and my partner with

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:18

OverTheRainbow18 · 05/12/2024 11:12

Yes, I would definitely complain, it's not acceptable to treat you in that way. I'm so sorry you're going through such a hard time and it's been made even harder by such poor treatment. Sending gentle hugs.

Thank you for your kind comment. I'm definitely putting a complaint in today once this appointment is over with

OP posts:
Missmarymack2 · 05/12/2024 12:19

This is awful and inappropriate. Someone working in such a position should be gentle and compassionate towards someone who is going through such a stressful experience. Are you going to get a scan ?

nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:21

Missmarymack2 · 05/12/2024 12:19

This is awful and inappropriate. Someone working in such a position should be gentle and compassionate towards someone who is going through such a stressful experience. Are you going to get a scan ?

Hi, yes I'm shocked at the way I was spoken to. Absolutely not professional at all and everyone else who dealt with me last night, were all lovely and clearly in the right jobs. I'm going to get the scan as tbh I'm so anxious and just want to know if it's going to end badly or if somehow everything is ok. I'll observe her attitude towards me at the appointment and will be writing my complaint afterwards

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:23

Nomnomnew · 05/12/2024 11:05

That’s awful! I’m sorry you were treated so badly. Different hospital / department politics is not your problem or responsibility to navigate and you tried to get hold of your normal team anyway! I hope you are okay. I would definitely complain.

That's exactly my thoughts too, I didn't know I was going to be referred to EPU, I was literally told this by the doctor in the last 15 minutes before they let me go home. I just can't believe how much annoyance and contempt has been projected onto me

OP posts:
FloofPaws · 05/12/2024 12:24

These nurses can be complete arseholes sometimes - I had one scan me after bleeding, I was clearly distressed, and she was silent during the scan, afterwards I said is the pregnancy ok and she just slid 'you're empty' .. I broke down, it was callus and nasty. She clearly had the hump with me even though I'd been sent there too.
I'd complain, I didn't then, but I blooody well should have! Good luck and get her name
And job title today if possible from her badge. Hopefully you'll get a
Sonographer today to do the scan - good luck

FloofPaws · 05/12/2024 12:27

... also if you do see her today and get attitude, keep your cool and just say you've been seen by professionals who have told you to come here so if she's got a problem, take it up with them, otherwise can she stop blaming you and consider your current mental state and that it's probably more
Important to support you rather than make it clear she sees you as a waste of her time

mummyh2016 · 05/12/2024 12:31

She spoke to you like absolute shit which isn't acceptable.
Is your IVF private though? If so why the hell haven't they called you back, you're paying for a service and I would expect them to be handling this.
How many weeks are you? Only reason I ask is because despite the attitude of this nurse they have got you in very quickly for a scan if before 12 weeks.
Can you self refer to your EPU? My local one you have to be referred by a HCP.

Rubberspider · 05/12/2024 12:34

I am amazed that a nurse working in a setting such as EPAU would be so rude to a woman who is concerned about a miscarriage. Make a complaint and make sure you have her name for the complaint. The department will take it very seriously.

nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:35

FloofPaws · 05/12/2024 12:27

... also if you do see her today and get attitude, keep your cool and just say you've been seen by professionals who have told you to come here so if she's got a problem, take it up with them, otherwise can she stop blaming you and consider your current mental state and that it's probably more
Important to support you rather than make it clear she sees you as a waste of her time

Jesus Christ I'm sorry you've experienced the arsehole nurse attitude as well! Literally I was in A&E, like you clearly distressed, was cared for by a doctor in a bay there for 2/3 hours then she got a call from gynae ward saying they now have a bed available and a porter was to bring me up. It was decided by the doctor on the gynae ward that I'd be referred. I can understand they have busy and stressful jobs (don't most of us) and probably do have people with more "urgent" problems who need to be seen by them too but I can't help that I was referred. It's not as if I've just showed up there demanding a scan. I've got her full name already, I asked for it on the phone but didn't think to ask her job title. She's made it clear enough that she's the one scanning me this afternoon so I will definitely get her title off the badge if not will be asking for that too. Absolutely disgusting, in that kind of job you need to at least have a bit of empathy and respect towards others. If you are incapable of that, you're clearly in the wrong job. Will definitely be complaining and hopefully they will look into it. Again I'm really sorry you experienced similar treatment, makes an already shit situation worse 😟

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:38

mummyh2016 · 05/12/2024 12:31

She spoke to you like absolute shit which isn't acceptable.
Is your IVF private though? If so why the hell haven't they called you back, you're paying for a service and I would expect them to be handling this.
How many weeks are you? Only reason I ask is because despite the attitude of this nurse they have got you in very quickly for a scan if before 12 weeks.
Can you self refer to your EPU? My local one you have to be referred by a HCP.

Completely unprofessional. So my IVF is through the NHS, because I'm only 26 and I had already been trying to conceive for 2.5-3 years. I'm down as unexplained infertility. I'm only 6 weeks, I was expecting a scan at 7 weeks as per my IVF clinic protocol, but I think the only reason the gynae doctor referred me to be scanned today is because of the bleeding and pain I've been having since early yesterday morning - and I've miscarried before just earlier this year so naturally really concerned this is what's happening again

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:39

Rubberspider · 05/12/2024 12:34

I am amazed that a nurse working in a setting such as EPAU would be so rude to a woman who is concerned about a miscarriage. Make a complaint and make sure you have her name for the complaint. The department will take it very seriously.

Same I'm absolutely stunned as is my partner, I've got her full name as I asked for it but didn't think to ask for her job title as well, I'm sure I will get that today though!!!!

OP posts:
nlab777 · 05/12/2024 12:41

mummyh2016 · 05/12/2024 12:31

She spoke to you like absolute shit which isn't acceptable.
Is your IVF private though? If so why the hell haven't they called you back, you're paying for a service and I would expect them to be handling this.
How many weeks are you? Only reason I ask is because despite the attitude of this nurse they have got you in very quickly for a scan if before 12 weeks.
Can you self refer to your EPU? My local one you have to be referred by a HCP.

Sorry I clicked post before finishing, as far as I'm aware you can self refer by way of phoning for advice and it's up to them if they think they have to see you, I could be wrong but like I said in my post I did call about some other concerns over the past week or two and was completely dismissed by them and the reason being that I'm still under the care of the IVF clinic - I'm pretty confident that it was the same nurse who spoke to me today - very distinct voice

OP posts:
haje · 05/12/2024 19:37

@nlab777 how did you get on this afternoon

nlab777 · 05/12/2024 22:38

haje · 05/12/2024 19:37

@nlab777 how did you get on this afternoon

Hey thank you for asking, so ultimately it was decided that I'm best to go for a repeat scan next week. They did an abdominal first and could see a sac with a yolk sac measuring 5w4d. I asked them to do an internal to see if they could see more that way so they did, they couldn't see anything different or anymore than they could on the abdominal scan. They've said my HCG is great and that they couldn't see anything on the scan to be worried about - they told us not seeing a heartbeat can be totally normal at this stage especially when measuring slightly behind - that makes me feel a bit better but I'm trying to remain cautious and prepare for bad news next week, as messed up as that sounds I feel I'll cope better with bad news if I am somewhat prepared for it. It was also mentioned that I had good decidual reaction? Not entirely sure what that means but overall I am pleased that they didn't just turn round and tell me it was all bad x

OP posts:
nlab777 · 06/12/2024 10:40

I also did raise my complaint with the sonographer, who told me to contact PALs but said she would make the charge nurse of the dept aware, funny that we got to the appointment and this nurse who made it clear on the phone that she would be the one scanning me, was nowhere to be seen and hence the sonographer came and did the scan instead

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread