Hiding early pregnancy

[Butningembers]

I am currently 8.5 weeks pregnant and have a bit of a situation as I have my work Xmas do next week. I feel like I'm just going to say that I'm on anti biotics and let people think what they like
My issue is, that I have a close friend at work who has been going through fertility issues and IVF for many years. We often walk together at lunch time and she is very open about it. I don't want to risk her finding out through the rumour mill so wondering if I should speak to get face to face before the work do to let her know. I know she'll be happy for me but I know deep down it'll also upset her as she knows we haven't been trying for long at all as we only got married recently and I openly said it was off the cards before the wedding.
I have had an early scan and we saw a heartbeat so for now things are progressing as they should be. I'd also tell her if I was to MC
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Should I tell her before she suspects anyway next week? It's likely I'll spend a large portion of the work do with her so she'll know I'm not drinking (which is very unlike me!)

Antibiotics is a good excuse, or I've been volunteering to be the designated driver if that might work for you?

Don't underestimate how upset your colleague will be if you're close. If you think she'll guess then I'd tell her over text so she's got a chance to process her emotions before seeing you face to face.

I would definitely send a text to tell your colleague if you’re that close-I always think it’s nicer to hear that way when you’re going through infertility.

Text her, don't tell her in person

@YorkshirePeridot designated driver doesn't work as I stay not far from where we are going out and public transport home is easy. I'm also usually one of the party people on a night out and don't ever not drink 😳
I don't want her to ask me on the night out if she suspects either as I know she's having a break from fertility treatment and will be drinking herself
Think I will tell her beforehand as it's playing on my mind too much and don't want her to find out in a way that she'll feel upset in a public place

Personally I’m an avoider so I would just call in sick to the party and not even bother going, sorted!!

Can you order your own drinks?

A tonic with water or an alcohol free beer in a glass will just make people assume you are drinking.

Antibiotics is a good excuse
It really isn't. It's basically announcing you're pregnant without actually saying it.

Some people will notice, some people will already have guessed. There's a good chance your colleague who will be upset will be one of them and you should definitely tell her beforehand.

I agree, it’s so obvious

Yeah, none of the excuses work. You may as well just own it, if you’re going to go. At that point, I think I’d have called in sick.

I’d second texting your close friend when you’re ready, and giving her time and space to process.

Antibiotics is neon sign on your forehead flashing pregnant. I just wouldn't go.

Antibiotics is a shit excuse because you can still drink on the vast majority of antibiotics. Unless you’re willing to sell it by saying you’ve got drug resistant gonorrhoea no one will believe you and you may as well announce the pregnancy then and there.

I would pretend to drink. Walk around with a drink in your hand, put it down somewhere and then accept another one, do the same again. People won’t notice especially once they’ve had a few themselves. Tonic water with no gin is also a good one if you can order your own drinks.

Don’t tell your work mate in person and I’d leave it until after the party. Then tell her by text the following Friday. That way she has the weekend to deal with the news in private before seeing you in Monday, and can be ‘busy’ with work stuff if she finds it hard to chat to you as normal for a bit.

A friend at work hid her pregnancy last Christmas party. I actually had a sense she was pregnant before, and she kicked me clean off the scent by holding a half full glass of wine the whole evening. Apparently, she wore lipstick and put the glass to her lips to smudge the rim, and swirled the drink round to make it look half drunk. I think she even swapped from a champagne originally. She snuck out about 10 to catch the last train home. We had a good laugh about it when she finally hit her 12wks.
Absolutely aced her way through the night. Nobody suspected a thing 😂
Antibiotics excuse is basically a pregnancy announcement, even for those not pregnant. Best avoid that one!

I drank tonic water in a gin glass at my Christmas party last year. It was a set up where you could go to the bar or table service but I just sipped really slowly and timed bathroom breaks with nipping up to the bar. I actually said to the barman 'can I have tonic water in a gin glass please, I need people to think I'm drinking' and pointed to my tummy 🤣 He smiled and said 'each time you come to the bar just say 'same again please' in case any of your friends are with you, I got you' 🤣 After that I was able to relax for the whole night and it went off without a suspicion! Not sure of your set up but if it's something similar could try that. Antibiotics is a dead giveaway as its fine to drink on almost all antibiotics.

Text your friend, don't tell in person. It's the golden rule when friends are struggling TTC. Gives them time to react privately and reply when ready x

Just order a coke or lemonade and tell everyone there's vodka in there.. or whatever you drink find the equivalent, wine - blackcurrant and lemonade, fruit cider they have zero alcohol

Just hold a drink all evening and pretend to sip it, no one will notice. You're far more aware of things than anyone else. Re your friend - as per others definitely tell her by text rather than in person when you're ready.

It depends on your reasons for not wanting people to know - I didn’t want work to know for as long as possible as I didn’t want to be sidelined on some projects. If you don’t feel that it will impact your career then perhaps you don’t need to bother trying to hide it.

However, the easiest way I found was to loudly accept a glass of wine and then just sip it, if you can walk around with it you can ditch it. Then if you can order your own drinks just order tonic without gin. You can even tell the bartender you are hiding a pregnancy and to give you just tonic when you order a G&T. You have to be very explicit that you are hiding a pregnancy and then they usually “get it” and will have fun being in on the secret. If you just say “can you give me tonic when I order G&T?” they usually don’t understand and might give you away (I learnt this the hard way lol).

People notice the first drink, so just say yes to a glass of wine - 3 sips isn’t going to harm your baby and then most people are unlikely to be monitoring what happens to your wine after that. A big excuse about antibiotics will be immediately obvious.

I managed to successfully hide my pregnancy for about 5 months including through a few boozy work socials this way. My friend who tried the alcohol free beer option was immediately clocked as pregnant way before she wanted to announce.

I told no one other than DH, my midwife and my line manager I was pregnant till 19 weeks. In that time I attended a hen party, a huge anniversary party and something else very drink-focused, and dealt with it by just always having a drink in my hand, occasionally abandoning it somewhere and accepting another. No one noticed. I agree that if you say you’re on antibiotics, you might as well wear a tshirt that says PREGGERZ.

Hi, I would personally tell her by text - gives her time to be privately a bit sad if she needs to before she is happy for you - if you think that might be an issue.

Thanks for the advice everyone, I think I'm going to go with pretending to drink but am still going to tell my friend beforehand as she'll be trying to get me to stay out afterwards etc and will wonder why I'm not my usually boozy self!
Glad I posted on here as I had totally planned to tell her in person but agree now after seeing all the replies that texting her is a much better option
Re work finding out early, I guess I don't really mind in terms of career. I'm just holding off telling people as it feels too early and don't want to jinx it. Also want to hold off and tell family over Xmas as I'll have had my 12 week scan by then

Antibiotics is the worst excuse in the book, you might as well wear a t-shirt that says ‘I’m pregnant but don’t want to tell you yet’!

I’d probably enlist the help of the bar staff, and let them know when you order a ‘gin and tonic’ (or whatever else you drink), to just put lemonade in your glass. I went for cocktails with my sister and cousins when I first found out, my sister knew but our cousins didn’t, and she ordered me the fanciest-looking mocktails so as not to arouse suspicion

Congratulations!

Hahaha X-posted without seeing what you wrote!

If your friend is likely to be upset by your news, why ruin the party for her by telling her in advance? You’re only 8 weeks pregnant. I’d hold off on telling her another while, though obviously tell her in advance of your other colleagues.

Firstly, congratulations.

For anyone who wants an excuse not to drink there are two completely normal prescription meds you can say you are taking that don't mix well with alcohol. They are Ramipril for high blood pressure, consuming alcohol can increase the efficacy and therefore lower your blood pressure too much so best to avoid drinking.

The other is Amitriptyline which is an anti depressant but also used to prevent migraines.

Dh was prescribed both of these which saw his last drop of alcohol around 5 years ago. He is off the Amitriptyline for migraines but still on the Ramipril for high blood pressure which has reduced his migraines right down.

Because there's an excellent chance she will notice OP isn't drinking and will guess. Which would probably be more upsetting than being given enough advance warning.

@DappledThings yes that's it exactly. She knows me well enough to clock straight away if I'm not actually drinking even if I do pretend to. She also knows that we were kind of TTC so it will be a complete give away. I'll text her on Sunday evening as she's not in the office mon and Tues and the night out isn't till Friday so that gives it time to settle a bit. I also want her to hear it from me before we tell more friends and family after the 12 week scan as I don't want her hearing it from anyone else