Mum guilt - first trimester and a toddler!

[ecossegirl91]

I have a 2yr old and I’m around 9wks pregnant and I work full time. I’m exhausted.
I do condensed hours and have a half day Friday, he’s in nursery 3 full days and folks do 1.5 days looking after him but when I have him on the weekends, or for the half day Friday I am done in. So exhausted and so nauseous and full of mum guilt that all I want to do is put the tv on for him. Weekends aren’t as bad as hubby helps out a lot but I’m just feeling so guilty that I’m not as present as I used to be! 🙃

Don't worry, you'll probably feel better in second trimester.

By the way, your husband doesn't help out at weekends - he parents. Because he's a parent. The way you put it makes it sound like childcare is mandatory for you, optional for him.

When I was pregnant second time and with newborn second child, dh took firstborn out loads on weekend mornings to tire her out and give me a break.

I don't think you need to feel guilty. You won't be as present in future, you'll have two kids to care for. You'll all cope.

Yea I can see why, sorry no he doesn’t help our, he parents. He does bath most nights and bed time too and plenty on the weekend!

Honestly for me second pregnancy meant time to let go of any idea of being perfect as a mother. With one, you could theoretically devote your whole time to them, meet their every need, do everything ideally.

With two, they'll need to wait sometimes. There will be times when you can't make everyone happy. Babies and toddlers often have incompatible needs.

You just need to relax and let yourself off that perfection hook. You're making a whole new baby. Your first child will not be screwed up for life if there's a bit more telly for a while or you're a bit more tired and less able to run around etc.

It might not feel like it now, but having to learn to sometimes hold back and wait is one of the benefits for kids of having a sibling. They grow up knowing other people have needs too. This is the start of that. It's just a new normal.

You can't pretend that pregnancy and a new baby won't do anything to change your child's life. Just lean into it and go with the flow.