Pregnancy after loss

[Grace1992]

Hi,

I know that nobody can tell me everything is ok but I’m just hoping others experiences might give me some comfort.

Im 7 + 4 after 2 previous miscarriages, 1 missed miscarriage at 10 + 4 which was found at the 12 week scan and one pregnancy of unknown location that ended in miscarriage at 6 weeks.

I’m not coping at all, we had a scan the Monday before last at 6 weeks and saw the heartbeat and was told everything looked good. Since then the mild symptoms I did have (mild nausea, bloat and fatigue) have all completely disappeared at the end of last week and haven’t returned.

I’ve totally convinced myself that I’ve lost this pregnancy too and that because I’m on progesterone it is just masking the miscarriage and that we will find out at our next scan on Monday.

Im not in a good place, feel like ive totally let my DH down and DD who is desperate for a sibling not to mention myself who is longing for this baby.

I just wondered if anyone else had symptoms that totally disappeared and the outcome was ok?

Or how you cope with the anxiety because my current state can’t be helping my situation 😭

Hi, just wanted to say I think it’s a really normal way to feel and pregnancy after loss (especially multiple losses) is really difficult. I’m pregnant, 7 weeks like you, and also had two losses at similar weeks as you did. I’m not enjoying this pregnancy at all so far as I can’t relax and I feel like I’m just waiting for something to go wrong.

In terms of symptoms it isn’t unusual for them to come and go. A midwife said to me previously that women except to feel awful when pregnant but actually it can be really up and down because of hormone levels. Are you having any additional appointments with the EPU?

After my first loss I bought the pregnancy after loss book by Zoe Clarke-Coates. It’s really good, it has a little visual week by week chart to colour in as well as stories/advice

@Gratefulbutstruggling thank you for replying and I’m sorry you’re in the same boat too, it really it so horrible. I’ve got everything crossed for you that you get your rainbow 🌈

I have another scan at the EPU on Monday it was meant to be on the 2nd at 9 weeks but they’ve moved it to Monday because of my anxiety which is nice of them but the next three days are still going to drag.

I did think it might go up and down every couple of days but I’ve felt consistently fine for nearly a week now 😩 which is making me think it’s bad news, although I do feel a bit tired today but I don’t know if it’s from stressing, the progesterone or a pregnancy symptom. Driving myself around the absolute twist!

thank you for the book recommendation, I’ll definitely get that!

Hi, just dropping you a quick line to say that I totally understand how you are feeling. After pregnancy losses it's so hard to relax during future pregnancies and the anxiety and stress is just horrid. I had 2 mc before my DD and another mc after her and now I am currently 33 weeks pregnant with my next DD. I can honestly say that in all 5 pregnancies I had completely different symptoms and it made no difference to the outcome. My worst symptoms where I was horribly sick and felt horrendous ended in mc at 12 weeks but this pregnancy I had zero symptoms at all during first trimester and felt like I was making the whole pregnancy up until bump appeared! The fact that a heartbeat has been seen is a really good sign 💗 I hope everything goes well at your next scan x

Hello, so sorry you’re going through this, it’s the scariest time.

Just to say I had a missed miscarriage last October detected at 12 week scan and we were very miserable for a long time. I got pregnant again in April this year and I had exactly the same as you, felt a bit ropey at the very beginning and then symptoms disappeared and didn’t come back, no nausea at all, no bloat, no sore boobs and just very mild fatigue.

I was convinced I was going to lose this one too and spent the first trimester incredibly anxious. We ended up having a lot of private scans just to keep the panic at bay.

I’m now 35 weeks (due Christmas Day!) and all is going perfectly. The anxiety peaked at around 8 weeks and finally ebbed away at about 16 weeks (though I’ve never really had any symptoms) and I’ve even managed to really enjoy the second half of the pregnancy, which I wasn’t expecting at all.

Hang in there! The stats are massively on your side. The early days are so so hard but be really gentle on yourself and just try to get through each day one by one. Xx

@Katie1989xx so sorry for your losses, although it’s so good to hear that there is the possibility of a positive outcome as it really feels like it will never happen after loss doesn’t it. Even last Monday I was so shocked that they said everything was looking as it should, I went in just expecting bad news again! Congratulations on your pregnancy 🌈

@Livv94 sorry for your loss, I do keep trying to remind myself that the odds are in my favour but then I thought that when I saw the odds of having 2 in a row and have now just convinced myself I’m doomed! It’s good to hear your symptoms disappeared too though, hopefully all is not lost! Congratulations on your Christmas baby! The perfect Christmas present 💝

Thank you all so much for replying, its really helped ease the worry a little bit which is a miracle if you’d seen the state I’d gotten myself into this morning.

Ill make sure I update with my outcome either way x

Hi @Grace1992, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’m currently 17 weeks pregnant after two MMC, both diagnosed around 11/12 weeks. It’s really tough and the first trimester is the absolute pits even without previous losses.

I just wanted to say please try not to put any pressure on yourself, there’s nothing you can do to change the outcome of a pregnancy and you haven’t let your DH or DD down. I don’t know if it’s any help but the two things which helped me after my second miscarriage and then through the first trimester were writing out a massive plan for coping, and imagining the best life I could with no second child. I needed to have an alternative positive reality to hang on to when I started panicking about things going wrong. Knowing I would survive and be happy again no matter what the outcome took the pressure off a bit and that helped. And the plan was a big list of things I had done, was doing, or would do when I felt myself starting to panic. Having a list of positive actions I had already taken then a list of things to choose from to distract myself (walk, jigsaw, call friend, anything at all which I liked doing) helped me to feel more in control and stopped me spiralling at bad points.

Anyway that may be no use to you at all, but I thought I’d write it out just in case! I’m keeping my fingers crossed this is your rainbow. You will be ok x

@HerbaceousPerennial thank you for replying, that’s honestly so helpful and such a good idea. My DH has said the same and he’s so supportive but when I know how much we all want this I can’t help but feel responsible, wish I was a man sometimes 🙈

I will definitely try those things and do try to remind myself how lucky I am to have DD. Congratulations on your current pregnancy, can I ask did you have symptoms come and go?

I'm 30 weeks pregnant after 2 losses last year, I have no magical tricks but I really started to relax once I could feel the baby moving

Thanks @Grace1992, I had awful nausea and it started to tail off at about 9 weeks which gave me the absolute fear, because everything online said it’s supposed to be at its worst then, plus that’s roughly the point I lost my last pregnancy (although I didn’t know for another couple of weeks). I completely understand the feeling of responsibility, I think because it’s our bodies we feel more culpable - but it’s just as likely to be down to a flaw in sperm as in an egg, and although good diet etc can help a bit, ultimately you can just be unlucky and it’s nothing that could have been prevented.

My DH I think thought my planning was a bit daft until he saw how much it helped me, I think having tools to try and cope is really important. That’s the only bit we have any control over really.

Hi, wanted to update incase anybody else finds this thread in a similar situation!

Had a scan this morning and all looked well, measuring 8 + 3, so 3 days ahead of what they thought 2 weeks ago. X

@Gratefulbutstruggling how are you doing ? X

Hey, had a scan on Monday and saw a lovely strong heartbeat and everything is measuring perfectly! I’m 8+4 now, so that was reassuring. But then today was awful, I’d had a stomach ache all day yesterday and didn’t feel sick at all today even though I’ve had severe morning sickness. I spent today panicking that something was wrong but the sickness has come back with a vengeance tonight!

Glad to see your update that everything went well with your scan too x

@Grace1992 thanks for updating. I've had 3 losses, just found out I'm pregnant again and had some spotting today and spotting for me always ends badly so assume the worst immediately (think it's more self preservation than anything!).

@Gratefulbutstruggling thats amazing news, so happy for you!

@Moosey898 I know it’s so hard but try to think positively. 3 of my friends had spotting and all was fine with them. Could you go into the EPU for a scan? I’ve got everything crossed for you x

@Grace1992 I'm under the care of the recurrent miscarriage clinic so will be scanned at 7 weeks anyway, just got to ride it out for now. It's hard when it's been years and years and all I've known is loss from pregnancy... I thought I was doing ok mentally with this pregnancy but seems it'll be just as difficult as the other ones. Thank you for thinking of me x