Pregnancy after abortion

[rolzlow]

Hi everyone,

A very sensitive topic for me today but I'm looking for some advice and support if possible.

I had an abortion in March this year, which I still feel extremely guilty about. Me and my partner had just bought a house and I felt as though I wasn't ready to be a mother. I am 28 and he is 26. My fiancé has always wanted a baby but completely respected my decision and was very supportive.

Fast forward to now, I have been thinking about coming off of my contraceptive pill as we feel as though we are settled and ready for the next chapter.

The only thing is I feel awful as it has only been 8 months since I had the termination. I feel very selfish as it hasn't been that long and now I'm thinking of starting a family after doing what I did at the start of the year.

I'm worried about getting pregnant and if the abortion would have affected anything regarding my fertility etc.

I don't know what I'm looking for really, but does anyone have any experience with the above please? I just wanted someone to talk to as I don't really want to speak to anyone IRL as I feel stupid about the complete change in tune over 8 months.

8 months is a long time in many ways, if you feel ready then go for it. My understanding is abortions don’t affect future fertility but I’m not a doctor

Hi, I found out I was pregnant yesterday (our 4th cycle trying) and I had an abortion at 5 weeks after falling pregnant pretty much exactly a year ago. I had a 9month old when I fell pregnant and we would have had an 18m age gap. It was all too much at the time but come August this year I was so desperate to try again. I had mixed feelings of regret and have really struggled with my abortion. I'm so happy to be pregnant now but terrified something will go wrong as a punishment for my decision. It took 11 cycles to concieve our first, my abortion was literally one quickie at the wrong time of the month when we thought we'd be fine. This time 4 cycles feels "too easy" and I'm waiting for something to happen

Essentially I started trying as soon as my last pregnancies due day had passed which was 9 months

Thank you @FelicityBeedle , I have friends who have had abortions (some have had multiple) and have had no problems in conceiving but it still worries me!

@Greeneyegirl thank you so much for sharing your experience, and congratulations on your pregnancy!

Please try not to think like that, you do not deserve to be punished as you did what you felt was right for yourself and your family at the time.

It's the same timeframe as me really then, it's an awful feeling but I think I would feel this guilt even if it had been years after the termination.

I wish you all the best for a happy and healthy pregnancy x

I am pro choice.

however my personal story is I’ve recently had an unplanned pregnancy (already a mother) and I considered termination. Had I gone down that route, I said to my DH it was terminating with never ever having another baby. Personally I couldn’t have decided not to have this inconveniently timed baby but choose another ‘more convenient baby’ in a few years time. It just didn’t sit ethically with me. I would find it hard in my personal circumstances to say bye to a baby and then fine with picking a different baby only a mere 8 months later

@Rumblytumblytea that's not really what she's asking though is it? Are you saying she should never have children because she's had an abortion previously?

I’m saying it’s flippant to say no to a baby but deem another baby okay just a short while later.

if the terminated baby was terminated for significant reasons then at least have a substantial break before getting pregnant again. It’s a baby not a takeaway order you can just cancel and reorder

@Rumblytumblytea you can't say your pro choice and then clearly not be...

Pro choice doesn’t mean I think people should get pregnant and abort and then get pregnant about maybe abort again or just use it as birth control.

You can be pro choice and still feel
nuanced about elements of it. I don’t think people should have abortions up until live birth eg a week 37 ‘abortion’

abortion is legal in the U.K. but there are still terms and conditions around it. It’s not some blanket free for all term where you have to agree with abortion at any cost to be deemed pro choice.

8 months is a long time and can make the difference between getting proper mat leave allowance, having a stable roof over your head, being fit and healthy etc. Once I was pregnant, life got HARD. I couldn't quit my job, I couldn't exercise, holidays got put on hold, I can go on and on. Your life changes and if you're not ready, you're not ready.

The abortion is done, whether or not you choose to get pregnant now has nothing to do with it. Good luck OP!

@Rumblytumblytea

A very, very few of the reasons I had my abortion 10 months ago:

• I was 9 months post partum with a 3b tear and would almost certainly have had to have a C-section and come home to an 18m old and a newborn
• I was due to go back to work for the first time the next week following my maternity leave and I had no savings, was going part time and would be paying full childcare fees so no opportunity to save.
• I would only be able to take the paid full pay maternity leave my work offered (12 weeks) with the baby I was pregnant with due to money
• I couldn't physically fit a double pram in my car and couldn't afford a new one
• we'd recently knocked down half our house and started an extension

Reasons I started trying for a baby 9 months after my abortion

• I'd healed PP
• my 18m old now gets 15 hours free at childcare
• my dad has retired and offered to help with childcare
• I've been able to save money with time back at work
• my work has increased its full pay maternity leave to 6 months
• the extension is almost finished

A lot can change in 9 months.

The definition of pro choice is

"advocating the legal right of a woman to choose whether or not she will have an abortion."

If you're not pro choice, that's fine but pro choice doesn't mean you get to choose when you agree with the woman having an abortion 🤷🏼‍♀️

I’ve had an abortion so I’m clearly not pro life.

Okay tell me what my views are for next time and I’ll make sure I copy and paste

@Rumblytumblytea thank you for sharing your personal story, however, I think you need to look up what pro choice is because you have contradicted yourself in your post - it's fine that you aren't as we are all entitled to our own opinions and thanks again for your comment x

On another note, thank you all for the supportive and helpful comments. I'm 28 and had never had an abortion in my life up until this year so it is not a "form of contraception" in my case. I had my reasons and I am pro choice so felt that they were valid reasons to go ahead with it. I am in a totally different circumstance now which is why I feel ready. Thanks everyone 😊