How long should baby stay with mum

[caitx747]

I am currently 18 weeks pregnant and me and baby dad are not together. I have said from the start that I plan on breastfeeding.

He has said he wants the baby overnight from at least 3 months old but personally I think that is too young for a baby to leave their mum for so long. It would also mean I would have to express and I worry baby would not latch on again and I would be forced to stop breastfeeding. I also think it would disrupt the baby's routine too much and I worry about me not being there if baby was unwell or anything were to happen.

I have told him he is welcome to come and see baby whenever he wants in the day time so is it unreasonable that I don't want him to have baby overnight when they are still very young? I don't see why he needs to have baby overnight when they would just be sleeping when he can see baby all day.

What's your opinions on this? Do you think I should let him have baby overnight?

For some context we are young parents (aged 18 and 19) and so we are both living with family atm. I haven't met his family and he expressed to me that he doesn't know how to change a nappy or make a bottle so I just worry about baby. I know this is something he will learn with time but I think 3 months is too young for baby to leave me. What do you think?

He won't be able to just take the baby.
You register the baby with your name and leave him off of it for now. That means he has no Parental Responsibility.
If he is very keen he will apply for court to have his name added, this will take a few months and will buy you time. His name will be added as long as neither of you disagree with him being the father, if you do they'll do a DNA test. You aren't looking to avoid putting him on forever - just kicking the problem further down the road and buying time.

Everything you are arguing about now is neither here nor there, it's arguing about the future because it is controllable when the current situation is not. Your pregnancy until baby is born is your medical information, you don't have to talk to him about or include him in any of it if it is causing you stress to do so.

It is worth looking online at Young Parents courses they are run specifically for parents teens - 25 years old, you sound like me when I had DD, had read everything and was very knowledgeable, DDs dad not so much. A local charity near us did young parent courses which were great and included sessions on baby first aid, shaken baby syndrome, nappy changing, information on feeding etc so you'll feel more comfortable if he has done something like that and if he won't go it will be good to meet other young mums

I think until at least 12 months. I think I read somewhere the courts don’t push it until 1-2 years

Nope. Not a hope in hell

I've got an overnight wedding invite for when my baby will be 5 months and I've decided I'm only going to go for a few hours then drive home. I'm not happy being apart overnight until at least 6 months and, even then, not making plans until baby is here and I actually know she would be OK. In reality with DD1, it was more like 12 months.

He sounds clueless about a newborns need to be honest, she's not a toy.... and his mum should know better and put baby's needs before her own. Shame on her

It would be a very hard no from me then I'd let any court process drag on for as long as possible to buy extra time. It would take a lot more than 3 months, possibly even a year

Don't get into arguments now, don't insist contact, wait till baby's here and if he keeps asking just say then, no it's not possible, sorry.

OP as you are arguing, I suggest that you let him know that he will be blocked until after the baby is born. He has no right to be in the delivery room or attend scans.

As pp said I would also go to the name registration appointment alone so that you don’t have to argue on the day. Guys like your ex will want his surname (give baby your surname ) and it sounds like his nan and mum are going to be the type to get him to argue about naming child after his family members. Don’t enter into that discussion.

Once baby is born then seeing baby little and often is ideal. As Pp suggested an hour is probably fair - don’t fall into the trap of feeding ex when he comes though. I’ve read stories on here where ex gets food out of the fridge sec sticks the telly on as if they live there.,

Don’t give baby his name, and no overnights until you’re happy with it. I’d suggest you keep BFing until 12 months and don’t offer to pump so he can take baby out.

Stress isn’t good for you or the baby, if you’ve spilt up and the arguments are upsetting you, I’d honestly consider blocking him and definitely block his mother. He has no entitlement to attend your medical appointments or be at the birth. I’d just text him once the baby has arrived.

I think that the Courts don't usually order overnights if a baby is BF until 18 months?

Tell him he's well to apply for a Child Arrangements Order once baby is here if he's not happy with what you're offering

You are definitely not being unreasonable. My DD is a young Mum, so I have recently seen a similar situation play out. The baby needs to be with you all the time for a lot longer than three months. You need to see how the baby’s father cares for the baby, see a bond built (which hopefully it will be, if they can be consistent) and be totally assured. You need to know his family before the baby can go there. If it happens, it will be much longer than three months, and that is IF it does (not when). Stand your ground and follow your instincts. Think carefully about what you do in terms of the father’s parental rights.

At the moment it's all talk. I suspect once the reality hits, an 18/19 year old boy is going to realise he really doesn't want overnights anyway (maybe he'll prove me wrong but experience suggests otherwise). I'd stop engaging and just say "let's discuss once baby is here"

Don't tell him ANYTHING.