rainbow baby gifts

[Shutupyoutart]

hello all. sorry wasn't sure what topic to put this in so hope that it is ok to post here. my friends baby shower is coming up soon and I want to get her something really special.she has had a very hard year as she sadly lost her little boy during the second trimester. although she is excited about her pregnancy she is naturally grieving her little boy and anxious about her current pregnancy. anyway I was thinking of putting together a gift basket for her shower, so far I have a my hummy type teddy, some muslin cloths, some pamper bits for herself and an outfit for baby. I've seen necklaces, baby grows and blankets that say something like after the storm comes a rainbow which I thought was a sweet way of honouring her sons memory but what do ye think, would it be insensitive to basically bring up her loss like that at what's supposed to be a happy celebration of her pregnancy? I really don't want to do anything that might upset her, should I include this in the gift ? or just stick to the usual baby/pregnancy gifts. any other suggestions at what else to put in the basket would be helpful too. thank you :)

I wouldn't include this stuff personally, it's too personal and not everyone likes the rainbow baby term. My DD was a rainbow baby but I don't think others buying rainbow baby grows would have been appropriate. She's chosen to have a public celebration for the baby she is carrying now so just focus on that.

thank you

sorry I posted too soon. we are very close and she's always talked very openly about her little boy and her loss so thought it might be ok but you are right it is a celebration of her and her pregnancy, I will heed your advice thank you

I agree. Do not buy anything that hints at the loss.
Incidentally, does she know about the baby shower? If yes that's fine. If not I'd be very careful. Women who have had a late loss are often privately very sceptical that the new baby will make it out alive, and a surprise baby shower might be the absolute last thing they'd want.

she does know about it yes, her family are planning it for her I don't think she would have chosen to have one herself though personally.

I personally have experienced a very late loss and I can say I would not mind my daughter being remembered this way I've saved a little romper that says sent to earth by my sister in heaven which if im lucky enough to ever have another will be purchasing. Its a individual thing if you feel you know your friend well enough then I say go for it , keeping the babies memory alive will be important I know for me it is, I encourage openess rather than avoidance of what I've been through and if my friend where to do this for me as much as it would be emotional I would see it as such a beautiful gesture ✨️

thank you so much for your post, I really appreciate it and just want to say I'm so sorry for your loss. I think my friend would know that it was coming from a good place and she did say to me the other day that she doesn't want her little boy to be forgotten but I don't want to risk upsetting her so as the anniversary is coming up I think instead of putting anything in the baby shower gift I will get a little something for her to show her I haven't forgotten and am thinking of her. thanks again. x

Thank you so much 💜 .. and no problem at all your such a good friend shes lucky to have you , I wish your friend all the luck happiness and health durong the remainder of her pregnancy too xx

Anniversary gift is a lovely idea OP.

I wouldn’t want anything that referenced the previous loss.

I think it would be lovely to get her little something that remembers her baby boy, perhaps you could gift it to her separately to the other baby shower gifts? I've been through several losses and would really appreciate something that showed my lost baby/babies weren't forgotten and that you were thinking of them. I think she's very lucky to have such a thoughtful friend xx

Thank you for considering your friend's feelings on this so carefully.

Everyone is individual in terms of how they feel. Personally, I do not like the term rainbow baby/the terminology about storms etc so have chosen not to use any of that around our living child who was born after a full term stillbirth. Everyone is so unique in this.

I could not have coped with a baby shower and found it extremely difficult to believe the second baby would be born alive. In that sort of setting where there were a few people present, I would have found it difficult on every level but particularly wouldn't have wanted to have the pressure of having to 'react' to gifts which were well intended but I found triggering.

You sound like a really good friend. Again, everyone is different but I personally would have appreciated a gentle conversation around this in private so I could have shared my own thoughts.