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Original poster

Dreading the fuss of having a baby

31 replies

jsep · 10/11/2024 20:57

This may sound awful but i am dreading the fuss of when my first baby is born! I am due in 1 weeks and i am so independent etc and just dreading in laws coming over etc! They are hysterical when excited etc which i cant bare, i know i sound miserable and its lovely everyone is excited but i just cant deal with the hysteria.
Dreading all the change etc, like how my relationships with people will change and things and how people may be around more.
I just dont deal well with change and this is putting such a dampener on things and i cant help it, is this normal?

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Original poster
jsep · 11/11/2024 11:41

steppingin · 11/11/2024 11:33

I was like this too when I had my baby last year.
As it went on (she was a tiny premie, so the fuss wasn't over as quickly as most and strangers would comment 'she's so small!' for months), I realised there was an unhealed part of me somewhere that didn't like this because nobody had ever made a fuss of me. I was uncomfortable, and when I dug deep a little 'oh, no you care!'.
Thought I'd share incase something similar comes up for you - I worked through it quickly, and actually now find myself better at letting people fuss me (within limits) and expressing when I expect a fuss (usually just expect DH to be interested in something I'm saying/need for attention).

Parenting brings up things like this ALOT!

Yeah i will keep this in mind thankyou❤️
I don't deal well with attention so i think im not sure how im going to deal and so used to things being in my control! Just alot of change!

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Original poster
jsep · 11/11/2024 11:44

TammyBundleballs · 11/11/2024 11:35

I can sympathise with your position and concerns as I was in a broadly similar position myself.

DH and I had been together for not far off 20 years before we had our DC. We were and still are fiercely independent for a variety of reasons.

I gave birth just as all the Covid stuff was coming to an end so it was easy to keep the boundaries while I was pregnant. I don’t think most people even knew I was pregnant until about 8 weeks before I gave birth.

From day 1 we were very much in control of what happened. We made sure we had our own time and space and didn’t allow ourselves to get overrun by others.

We were fortunate as we didn’t need any support from anyone either logistically or financially so everything was and still is done very much on our own terms. I suspect those who are reliant on extended family may not find that as easy to do as we did.

Either way, make your boundaries clear and don’t budge them regardless of how overbearing others maybe.

As first time parents the first few weeks together as a family away from everyone else are magical and you only get once chance to experience them so don’t let others take that away from you.

Get loads of sleep before your DC arrives and then enjoy every minute with them.

This has made me feel loads better thankyou so much❤️

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Original poster
jsep · 11/11/2024 11:46

Sayshesheshe · 11/11/2024 11:36

I felt exactly the same and HATE asking for help (even from my husband). I refused my parents’ offers to help clean or tidy pre-birth as it felt really invasive and like I was incompetent, which I know wasn’t what they intended.

However a couple of weeks post birth and I have to say the excitement and love directed towards our baby from friends and family is so wonderful to see. And I’ll accept help from any old sod now! I stayed in bed cuddling the baby the other day while my mum vacuumed the house and it was delightful.

I really hope this is the same for me and i get used to people helping etc! A baby cuddle and cup of tea in bed while my mam hoovers sounds perfect to be honest❤️ thanks so much!!

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standardduck · 11/11/2024 11:55

I am exactly like you. I was also dreading my ILs coming over and being too much (based on my past experience with them). They don't leave near us, so we were quite open with them about wanting to have a first few weeks just the 3 of us. They huffed a little bit, but at the end it was fine. They came for a visit when out LO was about 6 weeks and to be honest I was glad we had that time alone, because my birth was horrifying and I needed about that long to feel OKish physically.

I would say you should set your boundaries now and let them know in advance what works for you so they are not surprised and upset later on.

At the end of the day, you will be recovering from a childbirth and it can take its toll.

Does your partner feel the same?

Just to add, you should not wish your time with your baby away because of others, so definitely set your boundaries and don't feel bad!

Good luck Flowers

standardduck · 11/11/2024 11:56

Sorry for the typos, I have a sleeping toddler on me and writing on my phone Grin

Original poster
jsep · 11/11/2024 12:03

standardduck · 11/11/2024 11:55

I am exactly like you. I was also dreading my ILs coming over and being too much (based on my past experience with them). They don't leave near us, so we were quite open with them about wanting to have a first few weeks just the 3 of us. They huffed a little bit, but at the end it was fine. They came for a visit when out LO was about 6 weeks and to be honest I was glad we had that time alone, because my birth was horrifying and I needed about that long to feel OKish physically.

I would say you should set your boundaries now and let them know in advance what works for you so they are not surprised and upset later on.

At the end of the day, you will be recovering from a childbirth and it can take its toll.

Does your partner feel the same?

Just to add, you should not wish your time with your baby away because of others, so definitely set your boundaries and don't feel bad!

Good luck Flowers

This has made me feel so much better!
Its the loudness and hysteria of them, just all feels to much and abit false!
Me and my partner are not like this at all!
Yeah he is on same page but i dont think he fully realises how much his life is going to change or how my hormones may be for a while!
Im sure he will understand more when baby is here and boundaries are set!
Thankyou so much this has made me feel so much better❤️

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