Absolutely miserable and convinced I'm hurting my baby because I'm so weak ... just need some advice please.

[BorgLady]

I'm sorry in advance if this is going to sound like a massive whinge but this is my first baby and everything is terrifying.

Had horrible morning sickness until 13 weeks (I'm currently 28 wks) and I just feel that it knocked me for six so much that I won't recover. All I could do to was go to the loo and back for weeks, mostly I threw up every time and it was miserable.

When the sickness stopped, i really didn't have the energy to do anything until about 16 weeks.

Since then, I haven't really gotten any better. I have NO energy! If I walk anywhere, even upstairs, I get out of breath so badly I have to sit down. If I try to push myself to make myself fitter (as my mum suggested) it gets so bad I throw up.

If we have visitors I try to tidy the house a bit and end up being very bad company because I'm so knackered when they get here.

A couple of weeks ago I had a blood test to see if I was anaemic but it came back that I had a possible viral infection but no anaemia. I have to go back in a couple of weeks to see if it's gone, so it can't be anything serious.

I know pregnancy is supposed to be tiring, but this seems out of the ordinary. Do you think I should go back to the doctor?

The thing I am sooo worried about (so much so that I am trying not to cry even thinking about it! Bloody pregnancy hormones!) is that I'm simply not fit enough to give birth. I'm absolutely terrified about hurting my baby because I just won't have the strength to deliver.

This is probably very silly and I'm probably being a great big wimp but I just need someone to advise me a little.

Thanks in advance to anyone who can help

heya, hunny you need to calm yourself down. I do reckon you should go back to the doctors and tell your midwife or gp exactly how your feeling... spare no details. I mean reading wat you have said it does sound like you have anemia to me but if the results came back saying you dont then maybe its something else. You might also have ante-natal depression. I have suffered from it during this pg and it has been awful at times. As for not being able to deliver your baby i was so out of it on gas and air i couldnt speak a sentence with my ds. your body will take over... your brain does it for you.
dont stop yourself from crying... i cry over rediculous things... its normal.
the best thing is to talk to your midwife. she might know exactly what is wrong and will be able to put it right... and just talking to her will make you feel better. think of how many ladies she will have seen who have probs been through the same as you. sorry i ramble on a little. hope things get better. charlotte x

i cry everytime i see a baby...or anything to do with children. i want the best for my baby...but i'm not happy being pregnant. for the first time in my life i'm a size 12...and just barely.

chin up. are you taking good prenatal vitamins? vitamins will help keep your strength up...before i realized i was pregnant (found out at 12 week) ..and the only reason pregnancy was even suspected by my husband was because i was fainting a lot....i was on birthcontrol that didn't give me a period (i had a period once every 3 months with it) and i thought the morning sickness had to do with food poisoning because we were traveling back and forth from several countries in very short amounts of time.

you are going to deliver fine, your worried...thats a good sign but don't worry too much. think positively and if you cant clean hire a cleaner...if you can't cook hire someone to do it (they charge around 5-8 an hour) and 3 hours of cooking will give you a weeks worth of food. if you want to start getting fit, start with light yoga and your pelvic floor exercises. you can do this, and you will be fine. it's hard and rough and no one is ever honest with you about how it's really going to be (this is my first too)...no one is going to tell you about round ligament pain, the soreness of your breasts when milk starts to flow, how awful it is to go to the bathroom after you give birth or even going to use the toilet when your in labor...these are things everyone glosses over till it happens...

plus you don't have that much time left to go...soon you'll be through this with your beautiful baby and wont think back.

cheer up! take things one at a time.

Mate, I feel the same, as I type i'm sitting surrounded by mess. I haven't hoovered the floor in about 2 months. Do you work doing the week? I do and come Saturday and evenings I can't move. It's a killer. I was fit before I was pregnant

I had horrendous sickness throughout all my pregnancies, lost weight, was terribly anaemic, couldn't take iron, was told constantly that ds1 was small for dates, and felt so guilty. My house was in a terrible state because I couldn't move without throwing up, never mind clean anything, but I have three dcs who are all perfectly healthy. They were all born easily and quickly - I think my body was so relieved to finally be in labour - they were jet propelled!

Try and rest as much as possible, get your haemaglobin checked and if you can tolerate it, take some iron. You will get there, I promise.

I had horrendous sickness throughout all my pregnancies, lost weight, was terribly anaemic, couldn't take iron, was told constantly that ds1 was small for dates, and felt so guilty. My house was in a terrible state because I couldn't move without throwing up, never mind clean anything, but I have three dcs who are all perfectly healthy. They were all born easily and quickly - I think my body was so relieved to finally be in labour - they were jet propelled!

Try and rest as much as possible, get your haemaglobin checked and if you can tolerate it, take some iron. You will get there, I promise.

Oops - sorry, I just realised you said you had your Hb checked.

Don't worry about trying to get fit - that was something else I felt guilty about. Everyone else at my AN class was exercising and saying how well they felt, and all I could do was sit miserably in the corner feeling wretched. I was still throwing up at 38 weeks. But, as I said, my labours all went fine and the dcs are also fine.

Pregnancy doesn't agree with everyone. If you have had a virus you need to rest.

Thank you all so much for being so nice! Of course it's made me cry, but I cried at Lord of the bloody Rings last night so that's not unusual!

PembsLass I work from home, thank god, only on the computer but even using my brain is a bit much at the moment.

You're right eandz, I keep trying to focus on the future, when I will have my little baby boy in my arms and won't have time to worry about myself. Everyone keeps telling me that this is the easy part, which really doesn't help. Can you recommend some good pregnancy exercises that might help? A DVD would be good as I'm not really an exercise class person and I'd rather get exhausted at home than in public.

charlotte121 Thank you for being so supportive. I hadn't realised there was such a thing as ante-natal depression. I have suffered from depression in the past so maybe I should be watching myself a bit more closely.

I think I've felt worse since the weather turned a bit nicer. Yesterday my sisters came down to see me. I cleaned the house and made them some lunch and it exhausted me, I was literally panting for air on the sofa! Then they went to town to go shopping and I had to sit in my messy house without any energy at all on a lovely sunny day wondering what on earth I'd done this to myself for! I haven't been to town shopping since before I was pregnant, I even order my groceries online.

I think I will probably go back to my doctor. he said if I wasn't anaemic there were some other things he could check for. At least if I had something wrong I wouldn't feel so guilty for being a wuss!

3littlefrogs I really hope my body does the same as yours in labour, there has to be SOME compensation for all this.

My DP is a big tall strong bloke and I think our little boy will be the same. By contrast I'm pretty small and thin ... perhaps he's draining the life out of me!

Do you have any pain in your ribs or chest? Any cough? If you are really breathless, and definitely not anaemic you should go straight back to your GP. Have you any pain or swelling in your legs?

I'm having a little boy too !

ok, this is what i've been using. www.amazon.co.uk/Prenatal-Yoga-Shiva-Rea/dp/B0000BYNMH/ref=pd_bxgy_d_h__img_b everyone is different, so if you don't think this is for you simle leg lifts, a little walking and your pelvic floors should be a good start. when you get your energy back maybe you'll start talking longer walks and stuff.

cleaners are £6-8 an hour and require a min of 3 hours. if you really feel that bad, invest in one. your mood will get better once your house is clean and cheerful. let the light in! get yourself some flowers. and try to get yourself out of being depressed. i know it's hard, but atleast try to give yourself a few happy fantasies a day...they might help especially if you do it in a briht clean room with some fresh air from an open window.

Thankfully not 3littlefrogs. My GP is pretty good, he listened to my heart and chest last time I went and said all was well. He also felt my ankles for swelling (really wish I'd shaved my legs )

Thanks for the DVD rec eandz, I will go and check it out. That doesn't sound too much to begin with and hopefully it would be the start of getting some of my strength back.

And congrats on your little boy. My whole family are girls on both sides, so I don't think anyone can believe I'm actually capable of producing a little man! So exciting!

yeah it's the first time in like maybe 10 yrs that we have a boy...but i'm also the first grandchild/child in the whole of my family to get married.

If you can, get a part-time cleaner. We got one when I found out I was pregnant as I didn't want to use cleaning chemicals and was knackered. So we got a local lady in for 3-4 hours every fortnight so it didn't cost a fortune but it meant we only needed to do everyday things like washing up etc. Best £27 every fortnight I ever spent!

yeah, cleaning ladies are life savers!

Just some ideas to think about - I was feeling like this too and went to see a homeopath and the remedy they gave me made a HUGE difference.

Also - I get very out of puff if I'm slouching back in to the sofa - I think baby is then sitting on my aorta which is a major blood vessel and then the heart has to work harder to keeping getting the blood round.

Make sure you drink plenty of water - blood pressure tends to be on the lower side in pregnancy and if you've had high blood pressure already ruled out, it could be that you're a bit dehydrated and you blood pressure is lower than your body is comfy with - drinking water increases the volume inside your blood vessels and will help quite alot.

Oh and don't worry about the birth and afterwards - your body will kick in to action and you will be absolutely fine.

I am sorry that you are having a hard time but congratulations on your pregnancy.

YOU ARE NOT WINGING!!! If it is any consolation to you, I was absolutely miserable throughout my second pregnancy and was sick until 27 weeks. Because I felt so awful, depressed tired etc I did not really expect to feel so good when she was born.
Honestly from the second she was born I was so blissfully happy after feeling miserable for 9 months. The huge loud lifted and I have been happy ever since. I could not come to terms with how I was feeling before she was born because I had been radiant in my first pregnancy. I went on to the net and there was quite a lot of stuff about depression in pregnancy and that helped me to accept that I was feeling down and that it is normal. Just go with how you are feeling - do whatever you need to get through and believe me, you will be strong enough to get through labour. Have you got friends and family around you who you can talk to? As for visitors - so what if the house is a mess! Mine i always a state now I have two children, but at least they are happy! Best of luck and try not to worry your baby will be lovely, the midwives will look after you ! xx

Besides all the good advice here, I would also suggest you get a good rest every day. Don't feel guilty about going and having an afternoon nap - it can make all the difference. You are growing a little human being fgs - it's blardy exhausting! I'm 38 wks now and felt today as if I could have happily spent the day in bed.

yeah, i take a nap everyday no matter what. it's amazing.

yes definitely, get as much sleep as possible and go easy on yourself x

Borglady I'm the same and I'm at 24 weeks but this my second pregnancy and with the first I was full of energy. If I go out or anything to visit someone or go shopping for food I have to come home and sleep, just taking my son to school and dealing with him is tiring. I was told I can't have anaemia as my bloods were fine and it can't drop that quicky into anaemia. I was meant to be doing my dissertation year but from the week I got pregnant I could not eat and hardly drink with morning sickness and tiredness, but now that has passed .I can eat now but still not like I used to but I just don't get why I'm this tired either - anyway it is not just you that feels this way.

yeah, i'm supposed to be turning my dissertation in soon and i have had to extend it since my pregnancy has been very difficult. naps, regularly scheduled cleaners and a weekly cook really help me out...too bad i still cant finish my dissertation in time.

I felt completely rubbish for all three trimesters for my first pregnancy (I'm now on my second and while it isn't quite as bad, I still get really tired really easily). When people talk about pregnancy being tiring, I think that it's easy to think of it being like having a busy day and thinking (I'm a bit tired). But it's not like that at all! It's like recovering-from-the-flu tired or massive-hangover tired - it's on a completely different level.
Please take care of yourself, and get as much rest and sleep as you can. You will be strong enough for birth, as your body will be practising anyway (Braxton Hicks) without you even trying!

That's exactly how I feel, like I'm recovering from flu!

Thank you all so much for your help and advice, it really has cheered me up a lot. I think I will do as franke suggested and try to have a nap every afternoon.

Its good to hear that two pregnancies can be different, too. I was thinking that this little one will have to be an only child, as there is no way I could be pregnant AND have a child to look after.

Its such a shame, I love so many other things about being pregnant. I love feeling him move, talking to him and I have a really cute, perfectly shaped bump that I'd love to be showing off. I just feel too dire to enjoy it properly.

Thanks once again, everyone. I'm going to read up a bit about ante-natal depression and try to relax a bit.

You are all very kind.

Borglady I got really breathless when I was pregnant - but was going to accupuncture, and she could help hugely - I'd go in, not being able to breath properly or deeply and be out of breath just walking from the car in to the waiting room - lie on the couch and my breathing would get sorted out - it was miraculous and made so much of a difference. Might be worth a try?