When started dating my husband 5 1/2 years ago he seemed perfect. We had intimacy, laughter, and I felt happy and confident. He's handsome, wealthy and has a lot going for him. About 2 years in his personally started to get a bit unpredictable. He's moody and cold at times for no reason, or at least he won’t tell me the reason and it drags me down. I stuck with him though. He dragged his feet proposing even though I was in my upper 30’s and I was clear I wanted kids. 2 years in the intimacy really dropped off. He barely ever initiated sex, yet I stayed, I continued to feel anxiety, low self esteem and less confident. I was the opposite of that before I met him. He’s seeming an unemotional guy and when I brought up my concerns over 3 years ago, sometimes he would say he would try harder to make me feel loved and attractive but he never really did. However more recently he just shuts down and I give up. I saw so many red flags the last couple of years, knowing he’d never love me the way I want to be loved. Yet, I loved him so much I still married him 3 months ago. Now I’m newly married and 6 weeks pregnant and I worry I've made a terrible mistake. He knew I wanted to have baby, said he did too, but we barely had sex in the months following marriage. I had to beg him to come to bed bc I go to bed alone almost 7 nights a week. Not sure why I convinced myself things would be different. Of course I initiated the intimacy that led to conceiving.
I feel terrible now, I think I married the wrong man and I am going be unhappy unless I leave. I am supposed to feel joy, but he is making it difficult by dismissing my feelings and being completely un affectionate and intimate with me. I know I am attractive and a catch, but I don’t feel that way with him. I have to constantly convince myself that it’s not me, it’s just him. He’s cold and comes from a family of unaffectionate people who don’t seem to express feelings.
I signed a pre nup, I live in his beautiful home, where I don’t pay anything towards the house or utilities yet I barely get by paying my own personal bills and college loans. I’m a teacher and make little money. I don’t think I could do this on my own. I can barely afford to take care of myself if I leave, I feel trapped. Now I have a baby on the way. I’ve been unhappy with the way he loves me for years I just love him so much I never left. I’m regretting that now. I’m starting to resent him. I don’t know what I expect people to tell me. I made this decision, I should have known better but the few times when I thought about leaving him I’d have an emotional breakdown and stay. I don’t know who to talk to about it so writing it out on here just made me feel a little less alone with my emotions.