How to get toddler to stay in bed at night - new baby coming

[Peonyyyy]

I was wondering if anyone could give me some tips on how best to get our just turned 3 year old to stay in his bed at night, as we have a new baby coming at Christmas and I’ll be having a c section and I know it won’t be feasable to manage this as well, especially as I’ll be having a c section.

he seems to be going through a phase of waking up and getting scared in the night, he wants us and we’ve got into a bad habit of being letting him into our bed for 5 mins then we take him back (he’s in a cot bed still currently) as it does mostly calm him down. Sometimes though we can be up for hours as the crying starts again and we have to go in and settle him again.

we have tried just leaving him but it’s a little dangerous as he may climb out of his cot, and he gets more and more distressed, we sometimes let him sleep in his tipi which sometimes works well but other times he plays in there for a while then gets upset because he’s so tired but can’t settle. Even when he plays in his room it’s hard because it’s right next door to us so we don’t get any sleep.

I want to be there for him and maybe he’s anxious about the baby, he is very mummy obsessed and wants me to do everything, I am now 31 weeks. Usually he just won’t settle down, if he would just lie still he would drop off but when he’s in this mood it’s impossible to get him to do that. He now sometimes says at bedtime ‘I know I won’t sleep’ so we try to say just rest or play with your toys but he still gets upset about it.

just wondered if anyone tried something like a sticker chart for when he stays in his bed all night? Or something similar? We don’t want to upset him and of course will come if he really need something, but it’s a bit excessive at the moment, we are exhausted and know we would like to try and deal with this before baby comes.

he doesn’t nap anymore and bedtime is usually between 7.30 and 8, he drops off straight away. It’s sometimes nearer to 8 because he stalls a lot sometimes (don’t they all!) he wakes up between 6-7am. When he’s done this waking up in the night at like 3am he is sooo grumpy in the morning and so are we!

Also I should mention he has a night light and isn’t scared when he goes to bed. It seems to be more like separation anxiety/bad dreams/bad habit/just thinking it’d be nice to be with mummy.

Honestly, I'd start mentally preparing yourself that a new baby may make him need comfort in the night more rather than less. My eldest was two when his brother was born and definitely woke more during the night at first.

If you're planning on breastfeeding, I'd work on helping him accept your husband soothing him at night. Either way, a full size single bed comes in handy for helping them back to sleep without bringing them into your room, at least that way they won't wake each other up.

Good luck OP, it can be hard balancing the needs of two (and your own needs!), but there is nothing better than watching their bond grow

When our now 4 year old went into a toddler bed a couple of years ago two of the things we did were to remove any noisy or over stimulating toys from the bedroom and put a stairgate on the door. That meant if she did wake up it was safe enough where we weren't worried she'd get out near the stairs and also there weren't toys that would keep her up or that she could hurt herself on.
Could that be an option? Sometimes a little 5 minute play with some cuddly toys might be all they need to tire themselves out again.

Also, any crying or persistent wake ups, we just don't say anything and go in and put her straight back in the bed with a little cuddle and kiss then out we come. You might have a couple of long, hard nights while they adjust and the odd random night here and there but it won't last long and it'll be so worth it. Our 4 year old sleeps 11-12 hours right through in her own bed/room.

You are absolutely doing the right thing trying to sort this now before baby arrives.

Also to add, we did go through a phase of 'I won't sleep, I don't want to sleep' probably around your childs age and we just used to say something like 'that's absolutely fine, you don't need to sleep, we're just having a relax time'. That then went to our daughter shouting when we left the room 'is it OK to rest my eyes while I relax?' 😅

We didn't do the sticker chart thing but that's definitely an idea to try!

We had a similar gap and challenge. Before the baby came we made a big deal about the eldest getting a big boy bed (single bed) so he was used to it before the baby arrived. From then on it was divide and conquer. Dad in with eldest on single bed or both in spare room. Me with baby with side cot.

As pp said the eldest got more clingy for the first few months unfortunately. He did settle down after a few months but there was a lot bedtime merry go rounds for a few years. Just whatever got us all some sleep was the key.

If he wakes up don’t respond immediately, he might settle again. If he doesn’t, go in, don’t look at him and don’t reward him in any way, just say something like “it’s sleep time, back to bed, night, night.” Then it’s back in bed for him.

You have to be completely consistent with this, even though it could take many repeats. Trust me, if you are consistent with this, it works.

Thanks all this is really helpful advice.

I am thinking we may need to get him in the big boy bed (just taking the sides off the cot bed) before the baby comes - can’t imagine dealing with that with a newborn too!

trying to mentally prepare myself for it to get much worse before it gets better… 🤪😴

Why don't you let him come into your bed when he wakes in the night? I did with all of mine. They grew out of it eventually. the only thing that comes to me now is my cat

@eddiemairswife as advised - because I will have had a c section and will have a newborn. we have been letting him in briefly to help him calm down but it’s not something I want to get into properly long term if we can help it as none of us sleep well like this.

If you absolutely stick to insisting he’s to stay in his bed, then it will work. It will be difficult for a few nights but you might be surprised how quickly it works. Don’t reward him, be boring and be consistent. Good luck.