First time dad

[Noah2000]

Hi, I know this is a site called mums net but I'm hoping I can still get some advice as a first time dad. My partner is pregnant, she's suffering badly with morning sickness, no energy but is still working full time. I'm hoping for some advice so that I can ease her mind and hopefully take some of the stress. I was wondering where is the best place to buy baby stuff (travel system, next to me, travel cot, steriliser etc...) I know money won't solve the issue but I'm hoping if I can get everything bought it may ease her mind and in turn help her feel less sick and she may be able to keep food down. Thank you in advance 😁😁

@Liveafr I have bought a few books that I'm hoping will explain more of this stuff to me😁 I want to be as prepared as I possibly can be so that I can help as much as possible

Do all the housework for starters. Buy her Huel food supplement shakes. Bring her bottled water.

I’m not taking offence, but you said I'm hoping if I can get everything bought it may ease her mind and in turn help her feel less sick and she may be able to keep food down which implies you’re thinking of buying things without her, I’m just (as others have) suggesting this is not a good idea as as a new mum she’ll likely be excited to choose a pram etc. when she’s feeling better and she will be the one using it most of the time.

I’m just warning you that plenty of women would find the constant repeating of “it’s just as much my baby as hers” childish and irritating! It’s great that you want to be an involved dad, but initially this will likely be by supporting your wife through the fourth trimester, and yes probably taking a bit of a back seat whilst she finds her feet as a new mum.

@YaWeeFurryBastard I could have worded that a lot better. I would never buy anything that she hadn't chosen. And I'm sorry you view what we agree on as childish but I'm afraid that's your opinion, not mine and my partners.

We went together to look at baby equipment in John Lewis and a baby store. Took a note of the type and make we preferred then bought most things online. If you have a discount card eg. bluelight you can get some bargains, look at Black Friday deals. We didn't get anything till I was past 20 weeks. Some shops will store things till baby is born. My parents paid for the pram system and DH parents paid for the next to me and cot but they left us to choose. So sorry for your DP. I was very lucky and was only sick a couple of times.

@MotherJessAndKittens thank you so much for your advice😁

You sound incredibly overbearing, OP. Have you tried actually asking your partner what she would appreciate by way of support? Or are you determined everything needs to be some sort of grand gesture?

In your OP you said,

I was wondering where is the best place to buy baby stuff (travel system, next to me, travel cot, steriliser etc...) I know money won't solve the issue but I'm hoping if I can get everything bought it may ease her mind and in turn help her feel less sick and she may be able to keep food down.

Which sounds like you were going to buy everything, which I just pointed out would annoy and upset most women. Morning sickness is normal and caused by hormones, buying things for the baby won’t help her keep food down.

I concur with the suggestions to read up on something called the fourth trimester OP, it's not particularly relevant to your post here but may be useful for the first few months as you navigate becoming new parents.

Longer term it's amazing that you want to be equal partners and split all the childcare and responsibilities etc but it simply won't be like this in the early days. Your initial role as a doting dad and supportive partner will be as a back up to mum while everyone, including baby, adjusts. That'll change over time and you'll find your place too but don't expect to get home from the hospital with a 50/50 rota and be able to stick to it. Biologically, your baby has just spent 9 months in your partners womb and will be hardwired to want to be close to her at all times. It's going to take time for them to bond with anyone else.

And even going forward, if you're working full time and your partner is at home with your baby there is no way it will be 50/50. You were probably closer when you said 80/20 and I don't mean that to cause any offence whatsoever, it's just reality.

Don't get too hung up on it, it sounds like you're going to be a great hands on dad! Good luck to you and your family.

Can I also suggest taking on some of the mental load of running a household (in addition to the chores you’re doing)? Sort out Christmas presents, call and book any appointments or events you have planned, sort out fixing anything that might be broken around the house (or researching who can do that). Consider minimising smells when cooking, that really set me off! Encourage fresh air as much as possible, even just opening a window for 5 mins of getting outside is impossible

When I was pregnant the main thing I wanted from my partner was interest and excitement about our baby.
Once you've had the 20 week scan, book an appointment at John Lewis or Mammas and Pappas so you can see different stuff in person.
In the meantime, continue to look after her as much as possible and get some books on pregnancy and new babies. Definitely read up on breastfeeding and research the support groups available in your area as it is very common to struggle with it in the early days.