Friend failed IVF and I’m unexpectedly pregnant

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Looking for some advice on what I can do to be sensitive.

I am currently 8 weeks pregnant - we weren’t trying, but weren’t being great with contraception as planning to TTC in a few months. We also have a toddler.

I found out today that a good friend’s first IVF round has failed. For context she is gay, so it isn’t IVF after years of trying etc. I’m not sure when they are planning to try again - they are keeping it private. For all I know they could be trying again this month, but equally it may be longer.

If all continues going well with my pregnancy I’ll potentially be sharing the news before she is pregnant, just wondering how best to talk about it without it being upsetting my friend and her partner.

TIA

What I did when I fell pregnant last year with a friend in a similar situation re. IVF was message her before my pregnancy became “common knowledge” and let her know, I said no pressure to reply but just wanted to give her the heads up before I told others.

I personally think doing it briefly and over text is the way to go, it gives her time to digest rather than telling her face to face where she may then feel under pressure.

Congratulations! X

A brief message is the best way.

And no 'I know this must be hard for you etc etc etc'

Just message her and keep it light and simple. As you said she might be fine about it. Equally she could be really upset but a message gives her space to process. Keep it neutral and do NOT say 'this might be hard for you etc.'

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hopefully you and this friend might have babies around the same time if her next transfer works!

100% this^

I sent something along the lines to a friend with a still birth “ just wanted to let you know we are having a baby, I am not expecting you to reply but wanted to let you know before it became common knowledge”

also text only, do not call or do it in person. Give them space to cry and feel their emotions in private

She hasn’t had a fertility struggle and all the heartache that goes along with that, so I don’t think you need to do anything differently. Your friend is pretty much in the same position as someone who has only been TTC for a month so she might find it strange and a bit patronising for you to treat it the same as if she’s been struggling with fertility.