Relationship breakdown

[natasha39]

I'm scared and heartbroken , my partner 2 years decided to leave me this week as he said I was being toxic , all this started after we found out I was 6 weeks pregnant (planned ) he totally changed was distant , showing no effection , also on game console , we lived together and where engaged ! I had the worst morning sickness from moment we found out day and night , at 11 weeks he said he thinks we shouldn't have the baby , I had scan two days later and seen them moving there heart beating ect , blood test came back 1 in 125 for downs so I had to have baby dna bloods checked for 5 days I was a wreck , I admit I wasn't the easiest to live with but still he just wasn't emotionally present , all came back fine then at 13 weeks literally three days ago he says he's not happy and leaving and where over , says he's having a mental breakdown because of me ! I don't no what to do at all , I'm nearly 40 two children 18 and 9 and now single and heartbroken

Oh I’m so sorry OP what an awful situation.

I'm so sorry to read this OP.

Have you had any contact with him since he's left? Are you close with any of his side of the family?

It sounds like you've both had an awful lot to deal with. When he first suggested the termination of the pregnancy, was that due to the test results? Or he'd just had a change of heart? Is this his first child? I'm guessing he isn't the father to your older children.
Sometimes the reality of the situation can hit men really hard, it becomes really daunting, life changing, a lot of pressure, and I imagine with all the added stresses he's been like a deer in headlights and bolted. Not acceptable however.. but could this be a situation where time allows him to sit back and assess the situation?

Toxic is a super strong word. I understand you said you were anxious and stressed (understandably) but just how differently were you acting? X

Just to tell me he will be a dad if he has to be , he will be there for the baby ! He has another child 6 , so not his first ! No he suggested in his words I don't think I'm ready for another kid at 11 weeks pregnant 5 weeks after we found out , only difference in me was I was being sick or feeling sick , wasn't really wanting sexual contact , and the lack of affection and love after he dropped the bomb shell of he didn't think he was ready , that made me quiet hurt and maybe I was being snappy with him and abit off but can you really blame me , we had a few little bickering fight , he did say to me when I said would you have said that to your sons mam that you don't think you should have a child and he said no because he wanted his son which broke my heart even more especially after we had seen baby on scan and heartbeat how he could say tht to someone he loved and was engaged to after all we both agreed to have this baby and because he's having second thoughts he expects me to terminate it ! He used the word toxic said it was to toxic the past 6 weeks of the relationship and he's leaving and dosnt want me no more ! Honestly I think he has some sort of pregnancy depression

It sounds super complicated and he sounds like a douche OP.

Really difficult to suggest a way to navigate it together is he's not wanting the pregnancy/baby but of course you are.
I can only suggest seeing if time changes anything but that's if after all this you'd even want him back?
I'm 33 weeks pregnant and it'd be unforgivable to me if my husband said he wanted me to get rid of our baby, especially after seeing it and especially if we'd mutually planned for this baby.

I really hope you have some great family and friends around you to rally and support you. I understand you must be feeling heartbroken.

Has he categorically said it's over? As in there is no changing his mind? You don't think he's having an affair? X

No affair I'm sure of that , he said he dosnt want to be with me no more and he's not coming back but also said he still loves me which is so confusing to me, he said he's taking time to get himself back and focusing on him , I honesty don't have anyone but my 18 and 9 year old and a gran who's to old to help me , and my mother who insists she will not help me which she said with my other two also ! I'm scared of doing it alone again I've done it twice alone and I never wanted to do it again , especially after each of my children I get terrible anxiety which scares the crap out of , I thought he would be here to support me and help care for the baby 24/7 obviously when he's not at work !

@natasha39 that's really difficult for you. And really selfish of him.. leaves you in no man's land during an already difficult time of your life.

I really hope he comes to his senses and realises he made a commitment to you, once when he proposed to you and secondly when he planned and conceived a child with you. It's really really unfair to commit to that and then jump ship and decide it's time to 'focus on himself'. I do think there is something more going on here and he's not being completely honest with you. Up until the first scan was he excited about it? What was his reaction when you first discovered you were pregnant? Did it happen quickly? X

We have been together two years I always said I would have another child but only if I was in a relationship and secure , he suggested it and I was abit unsure but said ok , a few weeks of trying I suggested I start the pill again and we wait but he said no he really wanted a baby with me , so we carried on and that made me feel more secure that he wanted this child and me , few months of no positive tests and he was like the next one will be positive, he was even going to get his sperm checked to make sure he was fine after a few months of trying , then we got the positive and we were both over the moon , we went on holiday a week or so later everything was fine we came home and my morning sickness started from that moment he was distant , didn't come and sit in the bedroom with me when I was in bed I'll , I wasn't wanting anything sexual so that stopped him touching me and it felt like he didn't find me attractive any more , altho he said it all the time that I was , I had a scare at 11 weeks pregnant with my other child where I nearly lost her , so from finding out the closer it got to 11 weeks the more scared and upset I was getting , , honestly I think he's left because of my pregnancy hormones or something because before this we always said together forever no matter how hard or good thick or thin x