I can't believe that I'm pregnant. Overwhelmed.

[purplespink]

I'm in utter shock.

I have had sex twice with my DH in the last two months and used protection and withdrew both times. I was on a pill but stopped as it gave me negative side effects. My last period was end of August and I started to worry as I thought I might be unwell due to no period but thought that I should check before making a doctor app as I'm sure they'd ask anyway. I cannot believe it but the test was two lines straight away. I am in a state of shock and disbelief and DH is being so lovely and supportive but cannot believe it either. Neither of us wanted any more DC, we have 2 each and my two are still young, DH's are adults. We are comfortable financially but I'm honestly so overwhelmed. I nearly died both times during labour and the thought of doing it again terrifies me to my core. We're both quite strong Christians so there is no thought of termination, regardless of potential health implications for myself or the baby (unless it's ectopic). Sorry, I'm going on such a tangent but I just categorically didn't want any more and had an appointment soon for the implant and had even considered a hysterectomy. I can't stop crying and I just feel totally shocked. I know I'll love it when it happens but I am so scared

Congratulations! Firstly I've been were you are and the fear of all that could go wrong did take hold and my mental health took a really bad turn. We lost the pregnancy. Take all support there is you will be well looked after, you just need to speak up about any concerns you have. I'm now 43 with a 10 year old, and still terrified at the thought of pregnancy but will be facing my fears and trying for a rainbow 🌈
Best of luck xx

If you were using protection why did he withdraw? Sorry if I've missed something obvious.

One of the handy things about pregnancy is it gives you 9 months (or a little less) to get your head around the ideas and sort things out.

It's ok to be overwhelmed and a bit afraid. Give yourself time to let it sinked in and make sure you discuss concerns about your previous labours being repeated with your medical team and what changes might they make to mitigate that risk this time. Do you think it might help to talk it through with someone?

Before TTC my second I had some counselling with my HV and one of the topics was about the awful first year I had after my daughter was born - she had severe silent reflux and multiple food allergies and screamed continuously for the first 6 months and I had severe depression and psychosis. It really helped me feel more prepared to roll the dice again.

Only the point.

Well, no @MoralBeryl as it's a key part to the post or OP wouldn't have included it.

@Hoplolly to be doubly safe, we thought we did everything we could aside from hormonal contraception as I've had 3 different types and all gave me rough side effects. I'd planned to get the implant.

Any chance he poked holes in the condom

Sweetheart I can feel your pain and distress.
Please don't take this the wrong way, but you say you nearly died giving birth to your other children. Would it really be impossible for you, in the light of this risk and the risk of leaving your existing children motherless, to consider the possibility of a termination?
I truly do not wish to add to your upset, but I needed to give space to that question.
Obviously feel free to ignore it.
I so wish you and your family well. 💞

Thank you @Swanbeauty , that perspective really helps 🥹

I'm so sorry to hear that @Lastchancesaloon1891 , I hope dearly that you get the result that you want 💜

@Superscientist that is true. It might do but to be honest, I think that the only thing that will help is an ELCS. I had both naturally (well, first was induced) and haemorrhaged both times and thought I would die.

@viennawaitsforyouu definitely not, he'd considered a vasectomy and was categoric in not wanting any more.

It sounds like this pregnancy poses a credible threat to your life, your physical and mental health and your relationship (are you sure the father will stick around to raise a child he doesn't want?)

Check in with your heart and your faith. Would God have made a way to safely abort a bunch of cells if she/he hasn't have wanted us to use that option? Where in the bible does it say "thou must not abort, unless it's an ectopic pregnancy in which case go ahead?"

I'm trying not to sound flippant here but you need to be honest with yourself . If you are pro-choice in circumstances which may cause the mother injury or death (ectopic), then you're pro-choice, which is a very positive thing.

You have healthy children who are already living and who need their mum, you have survived childbirth twice, but also came close to death twice; do you really want to risk a third roll of the dice?

@buttonsB4 the difference is very obviously that an ectopic pregnancy cannot ever grow beyond about 8 weeks. It's not at all the same.

OP, I know so many people who have had accidental pregnancies after they thought their families were complete. They are without exception all having happy lives. Maybe a bit busier than they intended, but they are happy. You will be too.
Re the health risks to you, consider c section?

@buttonsB4 yes I'm sure Dh will stick around, and I'm not even getting into the morals of ectopic pregnancy and abortion as it's just stupid.

Thank you @Raberta and I will definitely be pushing for a section if all goes well, God willing.

I don’t think the previous poster was trying to be pedantic, I think they were just trying to offer you the space to consider that option in case it might be something that would help you.

Hi Op, you poor pet I can imagine the shock. If it's any help dh and I had also confirmed we were done with our two , then before Covid we somehow got pregnant with my 3rd and it was my nicest pregnancy and birth , so easy and I felt great all through the pregnancy , even though I was an older mother. We would be lost without dc 3 now. Things will work out xx

So what protection were you using?
If you've just stopped the pill, you will be super fertile and withdrawal is not a form of contraception.

@Blueuggboots condoms

Thank you @applebee33 , that's the thing isn't it, you can't imagine life without them now.

Aw OP, this must be difficult. As a Christian as well, I totally understand your feelings around not terminating. I'd see this as a gift from God. And maybe make sure DH gets a vasectomy!!

OP, it sounds from what you say as if you'd be ready to embrace this pregnancy (once you're over the initial shock!) if it weren't for your health concerns. Can you go through GP to request an appointment with a consultant to discuss your worries and see what they have to say? They might be able to reassure you by talking through the precautions that will be put in place at the hospital to ensure you give birth as safely as possible, given your history of haemorrhage.