Pregnant 6 months postpartum. Very undecided.

[Aurora24]

I have just found out I'm pregnant 6 months postpartum. My husband and I had fertility issues with our first so this is unexpected, and I am having very mixed feelings about this pregnancy.

If I am truly honest I don't feel ready for a second. I feel pretty tired now with just my little one and I imagine the exhaustion will be ten fold with a newborn as well. I also had everything planned out, my hours at work, the nursery. This would change everything as my salary would not cover the nursery fee costs for two so I would have to be a stay at home mum. I have nothing against those who are stay at home mums, but a part of me was looking forward to going back to work, one to feel a bit like me again and two to have some financial independence.

I love being a mum I really do, but I think I'm still coming to grips with the new me. None of my friends have children so it has felt like they have distanced themselves and I have felt lonely at times.

On the other hand I think I would feel guilty for the rest of my life if I terminated the pregnancy. It is also a now or never situation for my little one to have a sibling due to my husband's age and I did really want them to have a brother or sister.

Looking for some advice, words of wisdom from those who have also had children close together, those who have been in the same situation, or any words of wisdom from fellow mums.

@Boobygravy I would be tempted to do this, I think it would end up being an extra £400 that my salary wouldn't cover. It's difficult because my dh doesn't seem to want to contemplate the idea. It just doesn't make logical sense to him.

@Marblesbackagain when you put it like this I feel like my decision almost becomes a yes and it really makes me think about the reasons I am questioning it.

Do I want a second baby, I think yes, if it was my choice not right now, but my husband doesn't want to have one in a couple of years due to age. It's a now or never situation and I think I probably more likely to regret not having a child because the timing isn't exactly ideal. That being said it does get it over and done with (not in a horrible way) but it means I know this will be my last child.

I don't have much support around but that being said I think sometimes you just have to get on with things don't you. My mum is around if I need be.

I guess in part it has a lot to do with not being able to go back to work. When you say job could go tomorrow it is very true, and I guess on reality I can always find a job within a couple of years when the first one has gone to school. But I do acknowledge what people are saying you are competing with all the other mums that what a 9-3 job. This is a worry.

How about you both go part time/drop a day and pay less in nursery fees? Sorry to be blunt but he doesn't get to force you into being a SAHP because it's more convenient.

You will never regret having more even if it is difficult. Once baby years are over you will be grateful for having them close as they really do become best buddies

I know it's difficult because you have to make things work in the short term.
If you want another baby and a sibling for your child then your difficulties will be very short term over your lifetime and that of your child. I'm betting in a few years time you won't care what work thought of you only being back a short time and off again. You're not the first and you certainly won't be the last!

One of my colleagues had twins and returned to work part time 4 days a week. Her husband applied to work condensed hours over 4 longer days so he did 1 days childcare and they only had 3 days childminder to pay. But basically her salary was totally written off for 2 years.
But importantly she kept up her registration (essential in our field), kept a professional job which would have been hard to get back into at that level. And she was part time so now her kids have started school she spreads the hours over 5 days to do the school pick up every day so no afterschool costs.

I suppose what I'm saying is try to take a longer term view when your making your decisions.

It doesn't make logical sense to him because you stopping your job only affects you, not him. It's win win for him if you become a SAHM. You need to make him understand how much it disadvantages you to give up your job. If he wants this baby he has to be prepared to make some short-term sacrifices.

I don’t fully understand why you would need to give up work, in the grand scheme nursery years are very short, but giving up work can have massive implications for your financial future.

Why not sit down with your DH, go through the figures and come up with strategies on how to make it work, if that’s what you want to do.

The reason I would approach it like I listed is because in my head the decision to the first questions are the ones that may leave a person unhappy with their decision.

I thankfully haven't been in your position but have supported a few friends through similar. They are probably about five years or more on, some decided to continue some didn't.

The only person who has disclosed unhappiness with their decision was the person who worked her decision from the bottom up. That doesn't mean it was the wrong decision.

Whatever decision you make, remember to give yourself some time. The decision itself is going to impact you. Mind yourself, it's such a burden. There is no wrong/right answer. Just take some space and listen to yourself. Wishing you good health.

Of course you can go back while pregnant, you won't be the first or last to do so. They might be able to keep your ML cover in place, once they know. From the work point of view is this better or worse than you being back for a year and then off again, as so many do?

I can’t necessarily advise on the bigger thing as that’s really personal (though fwiw I think if you want a second in principle, you should roll with the timing). But you MUST NOT give up your maternity rights (enshrined in law) because you feel “cheeky”. Go back to work pregnant and proud. (I did twice, and am an extremely career-oriented, professional and committed worker).

good luck.

It's not cheeky at all. I worked in a school and so many staff came back pregnant from maternity leave. It's better career wise to get the childbearing over quickly from an employer's point of view especially as you won't have any more.

They adore each other. Yes they can squabble, and sharing is still very hit and miss (don't bother buying 2 of each toy, doesn't help, one gets ignored while they fight over the other). They play together really well 90% of the time.
The other bonus is we didn't get out of the nappy/night waking years then have to do it all over again with our second. We got it all done on one (very) long go.