Food hygiene- MIL- AIBU?

[AOMum14]

Hello,

I am about to come across as a spoilt brat - my MIL is the loveliest. Would literally drive in the middle of the night to come help me out and cooks our dinner on a Monday and Friday. I am so lucky.

But her food hygiene stinks. I'm not too worried when I am not pregnant but as my chances of food positioning quadruples I just can't justify the risk. I have severe health anxiety also which does not help.

Examples of food hygiene-

• She likes to be prepared so at 3 in the afternoon, she will take out the meat she wants to cook (not frozen meat - ready to cook meat) leave it on the side and start cooking at 7pm. The fridge is literally half a metre away.
• She will bring her food over to us on Monday morning (after I've gone to work) and instead of refridgerating it, just leave it on the counter - stuff like cooked chilli, sausages.
• I've watched her handle raw meat, then pick up a fruit to cut for my daughter without washing her hands.
• she will use empty packaging from the uncooked meat to use as a plate. For example, putting butter in it, ready to mix in with the mash potato.
• She got a frozen chicken casserole out of the freezer to defrost and left it out from 6 am until 8pm.
• She will cut veg and potato's and put then in cold water ready to boil HOURS before cooking (not a hygiene issue - just makes me feel uncomfortable)
• She has plated up gammon, and left it out for 4 hours, uncovered before we can eat it

I have spoken to my partner and explained that I don't want to raise this with her as she is so so kind to do it for us in the first place and she is not my mother. We have always had a rule where we 'deal' with our own parents. So I make excuses up - not hungry, feeling unwell so need to lay in bed. Pretend to eat the food she has left for us and cooked something else instead. My partner has spoken to her about it but they just see it as him being weird. When she wanted to serve my daughter the fruit (after touching raw meat) I was about to leave the house so said to my partner he needs to stop her serving the fruit and my partner was too scared to do so let my daughter eat it. I was fuming.

I am very aware that I am over-cautious. I have had traumatic loss in pregnancy before and so I am OTT. But it's got to the point where I am not eating the food so my poor MIL is wasting so much time and effort on it. We do however pay for the ingredients.

Am I being unreasonable?

Have you tried discussing basic hygiene for pregnant women with her. Lots of people don't understand the greater risk of blue cheese, listeria, e coli etc.

That would put me off eating anything she prepared ever, and I’m not pregnant!
Bloody hell, I’m surprised everyone isn’t constantly unwell.
Does she live with you?

Yes and no. Some of your points are definitely valid (raw meat handling) and some of them are very OTT (defrosting for two hours on the side is fine, and I wouldn't care about the raw meat sitting out for 4 hours either so long as it's cooked through, but it does seem rather pointless)!
I don't think you have a choice but to say something if your husband won't. Go in heavy with the love and appreciation, but that you can't risk it for you or your daughter. Focus on the really bad things like using uncooked meat packaging as a plate, putting raw meat on the fruit. There's no point bringing up the issues with leaving food out which you are later thoroughly reheating - some of these are borderline but not worth falling out over. Leaving potatoes in water is absolutely fine, and something I do every Christmas Eve along with half the country.

The veg in water is ok & the gammon if it was hot then left will also be okay. The rest is not good & I would avoid eating her food!

My mil was similar.. Fil quite often suffered food poisoning at her hands... Oddly she never was ill. Immune to her own poisonings it seemed!!
Also maybe a coincidence but he died several years before her.
Just saying...

I have HA too and I would t touch anything she made.

Wouldn’t *

my partner was too scared to do so let my daughter eat it. what.. he needs to step up and parent his child.

Personally I'd stop letting her round when you're not there

The raw meat stuff is really not ok, I’m surprised you aren’t all sick if she’s touching raw meat then cutting fruit up.

But why is she coming over and cooking you meals?

Im sorry but that’s absolutely vile, poor you

The fact none of you have had food poisoning yet, suggests maybe it's not as bad as it sounds. That said, I get very anxious about this stuff and (apart from the potatoes in water, which are fine), I'd struggle to bring myself to eat any of the things you've described. And if I did eat them, I'd spend the next 48 hours panicking I was going to be ill.

I think say thanks but no thanks to the cooking from now on. I don't think you can change someone's cooking and hygiene habits after several decades.

Come up with an excuse. If she pushes, just tell her the truth. And if your DH is doing this, make sure he's not just blaming you!

TBF, having DM or MIL coming round to cook 5 days a week is a little unusual anyway...

The cross contamination points are absolutely not okay. The rest is... iffy, but I'd probably not lose sleep over it. Then again I'm pretty laid back about food hygiene.

Potatoes are absolutely fine.

Defrosting on the side- fine if it's cooked through that day .

Leaving meat out, you're getting into risky territory there, my dad does the same, I hate eating there.

Nope nope nope, that's all so foul (except the veggies). YANBU, pregnant or not, it's all very poor food hygiene and goes against all the food safety recommendations.
I don't have health anxiety, nor am I a germaphobe, but I've done lots of food safety education through work so I know what's risky and what's not.

Defrosting on the side- fine if it's cooked through that day .

Former chef here, no it absolutely is not fine! Have you not heard of heat resistant bacteria?! Humans wouldn't get food poisoning if cooking killed all bacteria!

2 hours is absolute maximum for any food to be at room temperature and one hour for meats. Thats when heat-resistant bacteria begins to form. Once that's present that's it. No amount of cooking or, anything, will stop the food poisoning if that food is eaten.

It's fine to get frozen food out of the freezer and leave it to defrost then heat it up that day. If you want it for the next day then defrost in fridge.

I'm well aware cooking doesn't kill all bacteria.

** obviously not on a boiling hot day or in a boiling hot kitchen, some common sense needs to be used.

@LoafofSellotape No it's really not! It must be defrosted in a chilled environment. Bacteria can grow on areas of the food that has begun to defrost.
If that was done in a professional environment you'd be looking at gross misconduct

My MIL has similar attitudes to food hygiene and prep, food left uncovered in the fridge or out for hours, lack of handwashing etc. I can’t see her changing now but luckily we don’t visit much. I feel for you; it’s very awkward.

That sounds awful. I wouldn't like it.
I daren't risk stomach bugs as I get so sick with them and my ibs is triggered for weeks after. Why is mil doing so much cooking for you?