Whether to have another ?

[Lastchancesaloon1891]

43 here and in turmoil over whether to try for a 2nd child at this ripe old age 😜

Have 1 beautiful almost 10 year old and during the baby/toddler and infant school years we never really felt an urgency for another. Started thinking about it a few years ago but didn't feel comfortable going through with it with everything else that was going on in the world at the time! I do suffer with health anxiety and kind of kicking myself now that I let it dominate such a life choice. The feelings are becoming a bit all consuming to be honest and I find myself getting tearful and regretful.

Are there many mums here either trying or just had a baby at this age or even 20 years on and still absolutely loving life despite doing the school run until they were 60 odd 😂

If I managed to get pregnant pretty soon then I'd be 44 at the youngest (!) at delivery time x

Absolutely your choice of course but a family member had a 12&10 year old and had a baby at 43 (planned). The baby is now a teen and she's admitted it's been hard - granted her marriage also broke down, in part because of the strain.
I'm 38 almost 39 and pregnant with my 3rd, I'm usually fit and healthy but at 24 weeks it's already seeming much harder than my last one which was 3 years ago.
That said...if it's what you both want how can it be a bad thing? ☺️
Tough decision! Good luck.

My mum had me at 42, my parents didn’t regret it at all but they had fertility problems so didn’t have my older sibling until 40. They have had no issues as older parents and if anything it’s kept them young. Now proud grandparents too! If you want one, do it, I know it’s different if you already have an older child though x

Why not? You can't know what will happen in the future. My dad (67) has motor neurone disease but the vast majority of people in his support group are men in their thirties with small kids.

Thank you for your replies. @Posithor congratulations on your 3rd, you must all be really excited. @Peonyyyy your post is great thank you, although I'd be at least two years older I guess it's more common than I let myself believe ! How old are your parents now if you don't mind me asking, did you feel different with them being older?
@girljulian sending hugs, thank you for replying. You are totally right, no one can ever know what the future holds, we must enjoy today xx

I think at this age (I'm also 43) it's statistically more likely to miscarry a pregnancy than bring it to term so just look after yourself and prepare for possible disappointment.

I do think you should go for it if it’s what your heart desires. However, I have an alternative perspective to offer. I have fertility issues and am going through IVF. I’m 37 and I only have a 1/10 chance of success because of low egg reserve. Age isn’t an issue if you can conceive naturally but it is an issue if you need IVF. If you did need IVF then your chance of success at 43 would be extremely low and I believe most clinics wouldn’t allow you to use your own eggs. IVF drugs don’t work as well if people are older as they typically have lower egg reserve.

I’m sorry if that’s pessimistic. There’s every chance you could conceive naturally and that’d be fine! If you did need IVF then it’s a tough road if you’re over 35. Plus donor eggs are obviously a controversial topic. So I’d say to consider carefully what you might face in your quest to have another. If you’re up for these challenges then go ahead. I wish you luck.

Thank you both @Feliciacat and @OptimismvsRealism we actually have 2 frozen embryos from when I was 33, so I think I have a slightly better starting point than others at my age. I know there's no guarantees though.

@Feliciacat please dont give up hope, stay positive. My IVF treatment at 33 only resulted in 6 eggs at collection. But all 6 fertilised and made it to day 5. My daughter was our first transfer 💖 its a tough process but I wish you all the best.

Oh @Lastchancesaloon1891 that is so encouraging! Thank you very much.

If you’ve already been through IVF and you’ve got two frozen embryos then absolutely go for it! That really changes the situation. I hope you get the family set up you’ve always wanted.

The success with frozen embryos is not great. It's a bit of a scandal how it's sold as a solution to the passage of time. And the problem at our age is that the levels of chemicals in our bodies needed to sustain pregnancy are a bit unreliable.

But if you're feeling good and your luteal phase is still fine then no reason not to hope for the best.

The success of frozen eggs is a total scam as that’s only about 3%. Frozen embryos survive the thaw much better though. It’s true there’s no guarantee but I reckon if OP does a diet and exercise overhaul and takes really good prenatal vitamins (Proceive Max is a good one) then she has a decent chance of success :)

@Feliciacat I'll get myself on them supplements thank you 😊

The success rate over 40 is 20%. Which is fine if you're not too invested but you wouldn't want to spend your life savings on it.

She won’t be spending her life savings on it. If she already has 2 embryos then it’s around £2500 per transfer. So £5k to have a go. I think you’re thinking of the attrition rate that comes from frozen eggs not surviving the thaw, then not fertilising, then not growing into embryos. If OP already has frozen embryos then the only attrition rate left is surviving the thaw (which embryos are pretty good at). Also, these embryos are from when she was 33 so they will be better quality than an embryo created whilst she was over 40.

I’m totally with you on not wasting life savings. Personally, I don’t want to go through more than 3 cycles in my life; even if that means being childless. I can’t believe some people sell their house for IVF; I’d rather just make my peace with no children! However, OP is in a very different situation from most over 40s as she has two healthy frozen embryos.

Yes so I've have the prices from our fertility clinic, the transfer is around £1400, if medication is needed for any reason then this will obviously increase. I've got £2000-£2500 in mind which is actually cheaper than 10 nights away in the school holidays 😂 that's how I'm looking at it anyway!

I should also add, I fell pregnant naturally twice 2-3 years ago at 40-41. I kept this out of my original post as its painful to talk about. Unfortunately they both ended in TFMR, first being my health at the time and the second the baby's health. My consultant advised that I had a good chance of a healthy pregnancy again as the issue the baby had was quite rare. But she did say to TTC within 12 months (naturally) it's been almost 2 years due to what I think is PTSD. I'm unsure what route I'll take but I'm speaking with the consultant again in a couple of weeks for proper medical advice and pre pregnancy counselling. I was just looking to hear from women my age who've been successful via any method.

Appreciate your replies x