Midwives questions

[Newmamahere1]

I am 22 weeks today - yesterday went for a second antenatal appointment and the midwife asked "are you bonding with the baby?"
Is this a normal question to ask so early? I've not even thought about it tbh. I'm not not bonding with baby but it's so early still I feel, only just starting feeling movement due to an anterior placenta. Of course I stroke my belly and might talk but I'm not at home signing and massaging my belly every day. I would love to hear how others are feeling about bonding with baby at this stage? Thanks x

Hey I’m 22 weeks! My midwife has never asked me this. To be honest she hasn’t asked me much really. Just asks how I am. I felt movements for the last two weeks (twins) and I try to feel them with my hand when it happens. But that’s all. I’m not talking to the bump or stroking it just yet.I even bought stretch mark cream but only used it once. I find it a bit awkward lol. I’m a first time mum maybe that’s why x

Hi ladies, I’m also 22 weeks today 🥰 this is my third pregnancy and I have really struggled so trying to do things to come to terms with it. But like you say, still so early. I haven’t felt much movements, also have an anterior placenta and I don’t ‘feel’ pregnant, I think it will take a while but it’s perfectly normal not to bond with something you can’t even see or feel!

No, but I have been asked at the 12 week scan if I feel the movements :D. I think these are just weird attempts of small talk

@KK0602
Thanks, I'm first time mama to be too and it does take a while to get used to the changes and absorb it x
@8weekscrossed - yes me too, I haven't felt any different really which I guess is a good thing. Still so early and like you say until you can see/feel something it still feels surreal for me! Thanks x
@BeLemonQuoter yes I did wonder that, maybe it's just small talk - thanks x

That’s a weird question, I’m 29 weeks with my second and never been asked this. I think it puts on a lot of pressure tbh! How on Earth can you bond with your baby when it’s in your belly?

I was one of those people who didn’t feel that rush of love when my first was born - I just felt fear and anxiety. It took time for me to get to know my baby and adjust to my new life. We are now SO close and I am so in love with him, it just shows it can take time and putting pressure on women to bond with their baby is not nice IMO. It can’t be forced and I think it must happen a lot more than people admit that parents are just terrified at first and don’t feel ‘in love’ because it’s all so bloody hard in the beginning.

Dont worry about it is what I’m saying, you will fall in love with your baby once they arrive and it doesn’t matter if it’s not instant, or when they are still in the womb!

I would figure it is one of those random questions like have you picked a name or is the nursery ready or whatever sure they don't need to know just making conversation

So I would answer and move on I don't think I would have thought any more about it

I'm 24 weeks now but at my last midwife appointment she told me to 'really take the time to bond with baby, sing lullabies to it'. I tried it and felt like a knob head, plus I only know 1 or 2 anyway. The past week I have been playing music to her though before I go to sleep, I found a nice baby in the womb Spotify playlist and she definitely reacts to that, and my dog rests his head on my bump when she kicks. That's my version of bonding.

Yes I was asked this and midwife ticked it off a list so I assume some areas have it as a compulsory topic of discussion for midwives.

I think it's how some midwives assess your mental health. Its common for women with antenatal depression to say they can't bond with their unborn baby, don't get excited by movements, talk to bump, picture their little ones face etc. I'd imagine that was her way of checking these things