IVF pregnancy severe anxiety

[Worried1155]

Hi, I have changed username for privacy as I cannot believe what I am about to type.

My Wife and I have been going through fertility treatment for around 3 years (same sex relationship), after multiple rounds of IVF, I have finally had an embryo stick and am 7 weeks pregnant. This is a very much wanted pregnancy.
On the test day I was ecstatic, however I started to have heart palpitations which have now turned into full-blown anxiety.

I have previously been to some very dark places and been suicidal, my anxiety can be all-consuming and ends up in depression, but I have been stable for a while and didn't expect to feel like this at all.

I cannot eat, I cannot stop crying, I keep hoping this pregnancy will end naturally and take it out of my hands. I am terrified of being in pain, of growing larger and having my sciatica return and no meds allowed, of birth complications and being injured forever.

I don't know what to do, if I thought it wouldn't blow up my marriage I think I would end the pregnancy but I don't think my wife would ever forgive me, and I think I would lose her.

I have gone back on a low dose of Sertraline today (I was on it previously and came off when we did a failed FET 6 months ago but I had been stable since). My GP won't call me back and my booking appointment isn't for a few weeks, so I have done this on my own accord.

Is it normal to feel like this, has anyone ever had a wanted pregnancy and then had anxiety so bad they have had my thoughts? Did SSRIs help?

I feel so lost and scared and don't feel like this is something I can talk about to people I know!

Hello. It sounds like our journeys are very different but I wanted to let you know you're not alone. I have had two wanted pregnancies and both times around the week you are I have had such terrible and distressing thoughts. Further on, the thoughts disappeared and it gets hard to imagine how you ever thought like that. I won't elaborate further but I do understand how desperate and strange you feel. I truly believe it will get better for you!

I also had debilitating mental health issues during a very wanted pregnancy. Like you, I had issues in the past that had been managed with medication, but I stopped the medication to get pregnant and had the darkest episodes of my life during the pregnancy.

Anxiety and Depression during pregnancy is a real thing, even has its own little section on the NHS pregnancy website.

Of course it is your choice whether or not to go through with the pregnancy, but given the difficult journey you’ve faced to get to this point, please consider all the ways you can get help before making that decision. Can you contact your midwife before the booking in appointment to explain your situation?

I was on the max dose of sertraline throughout my pregnancy and was under the perinatal mental health team (who were brilliant). It is really really hard. Wishing you the very best.

Hi @Worried1155 so sorry to hear how you are feeling. IVF is such a difficult emotional and physical process to go through, and understandably can really impact mental health. I went through multiple rounds of ivf and had a successful pregnancy, giving birth to my daughter last month. I also had high level of anxiety, particularly in the beginning. It’s an extremely scary thing, you think you should be happy after finally having an embryo that sticks, but then suddenly you’re hit with anxiety. I know that is not much help, but I want you to know you’re not alone.
What I would say is that it sounds like it may be helpful for you to speak to someone for mental health support. Sorry you aren’t having any luck with your GP. You can self refer to your local IAPT service for talking therapies support and they can refer you to the specialist perinatal mental health team if needed (where you can access medication and talking therapy support).

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply.

@WildWhirlwind Thank you, it’s relentless, when did your start to clear? At the moment I have no feeling towards the embryo and it’s devastating.

@FeminineRageTheMusical i am sorry to hear you struggled too, did you go back on meds during pregnancy? You are right, I think I need to get on top of my mental health before I make any decisions. I will try calling the peri natal team tomorrow.

@mynameiscalypso Did you find it hard to be seen my peri natal, I am worried I will just be left as I am not ‘bad enough’. Did you find Sertraline helped?

@IVF23 I was so worried I would struggle during the actual IVF process but I was fine, so this has been a shock. This was my last chance saloon and my wife was going to try it this didn’t work. I feel like such an awful person, we tried so hard for this and now I just want it to all go away.
I will reach out to talking therapies and see what help I can get.

Thank you so much everyone, I am so very scared x

Probably around week nine, and I agree it's relentless. :( It was keeping me awake at night and I became so distant towards my partner. I agree that it's so hard to share with anyone because it would come across in the absolute worst way. I still don't think my partner knows exactly the extent of the hole I went into.

You have a space here to talk to us and I'm sending you love and hope. I really don't know if you can delete posts on Mumsnet but in future if your feelings change and this is a horrible reminder, I'm sure you could delete it? I don't know...

Keep trying with the GP.
Referrals with preexisting history can go in early in pregnancy. I'm bipolar and my referral to the perinatal MH team goes in as soon as I'm pregnant. With my daughter I had the assessment early and as I was stable they didn't start with their involvement until the 3rd trimester. I did have a bad episode once baby arrived and I had group therapy with a pregnant lady and when I went into the mother in baby unit there were several pregnant ladies.

At my hospital they have mental health midwives who are midwives with a specialism with maternal mental health. I had the option of being under them but I was stable and it was 2020 and preferred seeing my community midwife in the GP surgery rather than them at the hospital.i was under the obstetrician with a MH specialism.

I qualified for full 28 day midwife care and extra HV appointment afterwards too. It's hard in those early but there is lots of support available that can help you through the next 18 months. There's fast tracking for pregnant and perinatal women for self referral therapy schemes too. So there are routes for support outside of the perinatal mental health team.

Keep talking.