Unplanned pregnancy and don’t know how to tell my partner

[Babyshock1]

Hello, I need some advice.

I recently found out I’m pregnant I’m in a new relationship and I’m not too sure how to tell my partner the news! I’m suffering really bad with anxiety as this is something we spoke a about before he already has a child with his ex, their child had autism and this has put him off having anymore as they have had a difficult time! I was on the pill and still somehow managed to fall pregnant not too sure how and now I’m nervous to tell him as I don’t want him to think I’ve done this on purpose. It’s never been my intention to fall pregnant and I’m really worried that he may think this. I just don’t know what to do!

Having sex always means risk of pregnancy OP! He played a part so really doesn't have the right to be annoyed. No contraception is 100% effective. If it was me, I'd find it easier to just sit him down and come out with it. The longer you leave it the worse your anxiety will be love.

Good luck and I hope you're doing okay!

Do you need to tell him? In your shoes I would be preparing to decide whether I would be happy raising a child that could be anywhere between typical and profoundly autistic/non verbal/incontinent etc. Autism and ADHD are/can be genetically passed down. In my family ASD runs through the males, while females present more with ADHD which seems to reside more to treatment. Decide if you want to go ahead first. If you feel you can't, you don't need to tell him. But you do both need to learn how to use condoms if pregnancy is unwanted.

FYI. My son is Autistic and also has ADHD. He was not really verbal until around 3 but then his speech came in so quickly he totally caught up. He wasn't fully toilet trained until he was around 8. I didn't get a single full nights sleep until he was 12. He didn't tell me he loved me or hug me until he was around 9 and then he "learned" he was supposed to do that. His entire primary school childhood was a horrific series of daily bullying and him wishing he was dead. His high school years were slightly better. Then he failed college and started elsewhere then dropped out of university. He was secretly groomed online by adult perverts from age 11 and had developed a porn addiction by age 13 and ended up arrested for child abuse images age 18. He sits at home most days now without a single friend in the world apart from me and regularly and loudly wishes he was dead. He can't get a job. He's chronically depressed , medication doesn't work, and is becoming intolerable to be around and at 26 years old and I'm having to consider asking adult social services to step in and find assisted living accommodation for him as he is draining us of everything no matter what we try. His life has been incredibly hard and while I love him some days I do wish I'd known how hard life would be before hand. He can be funny and humorous but it's increasingly rare and it kill's me seeing his pain and self loathing.

I know full well that autism is a spectrum. But far too many people only see the stereotypical lack of eye contact and poor social skills and have zero idea of the vulnerability of some Autistic children and the chronic awful life long depression etc. never mind the struggles of the actual childhood while they can refuse to eat anything for days, smear poo on walls and throw food and melt down at every opportunity. There is zero support available and DLA rules SEN provisions are inevitably going to be tightened so you need to prepare for an absurd shit show if you go ahead.

Or you know, the baby could be ok.

But the dad doesn't want any more kids as he already knows full well how bloody awful it is raising an autistic kiddo in this world. It can be a lifelong job. Not all can live alone or independently. Not all can go to school.