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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Any advice

15 replies

Magmom · 11/10/2024 18:43

I am currently 20 weeks pregnant with my 2nd child. I have looked forward to having this experience for 5 years. My brother who is 30 lives at home with my mum and dad in their family home. He is nothing but rude to them, uses them for money, never cleans up after himself and smokes weed in their house. I have avoided going there considering I am pregnant and my mum and dad seem to be immune to the smell.
Recently he got himself a girlfriend and as I predicted would happen they have announced that they to are expecting. My parents have told him he has to move out and get his own place which is understandable but they have asked to do this in the past and he has never left. He always gets his own way in regards to things. This situation has really annoyed me as he and his gf have only been together 1/2 months and nobody in our family has met her apart from my mum and dad. My mum has also taken this news badly and it has caused her to be down. Going forward I can’t see my brothers relationship with this girl lasting. I haven’t told my husband that they are expecting as I think the whole thing is really embarrassing and know that when everyone finds out they will constantly be comparing my new baby to theirs.
Needed to get this off my chest as I haven’t spoken to anyone about it.
Any advice would be appreciated

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Pandasnacks · 11/10/2024 18:46

How pregnant is she claiming to be?

Magmom · 11/10/2024 18:47

This is what I was thinking. She must have only just found out as apparently she isn’t due until June. So I don’t know why the rush to tell people straight away

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Pandasnacks · 11/10/2024 18:50

She must have only just conceived if they've been together 1-2 months. Although it's up to them to decide when to tell people. What's her living situation?

Hellskitchen24 · 11/10/2024 18:51

Well he’s going to have to sort his life and out and stop behaving like a 30 year old man child in his mum and dad’s house. He will have a child to support financially so he won’t have a choice.

All that being said it’s totally out of your control isn’t it? Hopefully your mum puts her foot down and nudges him out of the door.

Magmom · 11/10/2024 18:51

If that’s the case I don’t know why they have told people straight away. I have noticed a lot of her friends have babies as well so I was thinking could be another reason. She lives with her mum and dad as far as I am aware.

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Lunamoon23 · 11/10/2024 18:51

Firstly, please don't feel embarrassed. His situation and your situation are miles apart. You're pregnant with your second child, live independently, stand on your own two feet and have a husband.

I would try and confine in your husband, a problem shared is a problem halved.

And just say it to him how you have here, you don't have to support the situation but sadly, it is what it is.

You're probably right that they won't stay together in the long run, sadly people do this daily, jump into relationships and bring kids into the equation before they really even know one another. The added stress of a pregnancy, money, and then a baby break couples like that very easily.

And your parents need to set a deadline: by say March of next year, he needs to be out and in his own place supporting the mother of his child. It's not unfair, he's a grown man, who's about to become a father himself, time to step up and take care of himself and the situation he's found himself in.

Hellskitchen24 · 11/10/2024 18:52

Magmom · 11/10/2024 18:51

If that’s the case I don’t know why they have told people straight away. I have noticed a lot of her friends have babies as well so I was thinking could be another reason. She lives with her mum and dad as far as I am aware.

I wonder where they plan on raising the child then if she lives with her parents and your brother is basically an adult teenager. Sounds disastrous but unfortunately you just have to let it play out.

Magmom · 11/10/2024 18:53

Hellskitchen24-
yes I agree it’s nothing to do with me, but because it’s upset my mum and dad I can feel an atmosphere when I go to their house. My mum panders to him, he won’t leave the house, he won’t be able to afford to.

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Magmom · 11/10/2024 18:57

In my head I think my brother would happily stay at my mums house and have her stay in her mums house. Also my mum minds my eldest child for me the days that I am working, and was planning on minding my second as my oldest is at school. But now I can see her saying she isn’t minding any so that she isn’t looking after 3 children, which is understandable because she’s not getting any younger. But I feel like his situation is going to affect me in the long run as well.

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Hellskitchen24 · 11/10/2024 18:59

Magmom · 11/10/2024 18:53

Hellskitchen24-
yes I agree it’s nothing to do with me, but because it’s upset my mum and dad I can feel an atmosphere when I go to their house. My mum panders to him, he won’t leave the house, he won’t be able to afford to.

Unfortunately my experience is that mums get quite delusional about their sons, especially the man child ones. She will bring the subject up but he will play the victim and it’s back to square one. I bet your mum cooks his dinner and stocks the fridge for him so of course he “can’t afford” to move out. It’s a situation that suits most unambitious young men very well. Can you tell I’ve experienced this in my family too?

Even if he “can’t afford” to move out he’s still going to have to pay for the child he has created.

Magmom · 11/10/2024 19:02

Yes they make him dinner every night and make his bed, wash his clothes etc. I have done all this for myself when I lived at home and since I moved out 8 years ago. Yes my husband always says my brother is my mums favourite, so I’m sure that’s why she is annoyed about the situation as I did things the ‘right way’ I suppose. But she will act like this for a while and then as you say he will win her round again. I just know people will be talking about it and saying that it’s my brother etc but we aren’t close at all.

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Hellskitchen24 · 11/10/2024 19:10

Magmom · 11/10/2024 19:02

Yes they make him dinner every night and make his bed, wash his clothes etc. I have done all this for myself when I lived at home and since I moved out 8 years ago. Yes my husband always says my brother is my mums favourite, so I’m sure that’s why she is annoyed about the situation as I did things the ‘right way’ I suppose. But she will act like this for a while and then as you say he will win her round again. I just know people will be talking about it and saying that it’s my brother etc but we aren’t close at all.

Yes similar story with my brother. Your mum is not doing him any favours at all. Washing his clothes and doing his bed linen is madness though…..how is he going to cope with a baby when he’s basically a big baby himself?

Anyway, breathe. This is not your mess to sort out. I’d be absolutely furious too but your parents have created the monster here.

Magmom · 11/10/2024 19:49

Did your brother have exactly the same situation with the gf or just being a man child? I am furious and I can’t see it getting any better. It’s all I have been thinking about since I was told. And the way my parents told me wasn’t nice either they told in their car, and they didn’t even turn round to face me when they said it.

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Pandasnacks · 11/10/2024 19:59

Magmom · 11/10/2024 19:49

Did your brother have exactly the same situation with the gf or just being a man child? I am furious and I can’t see it getting any better. It’s all I have been thinking about since I was told. And the way my parents told me wasn’t nice either they told in their car, and they didn’t even turn round to face me when they said it.

Why would they need to face you or tell you in a special way? It's not your news or theirs and they don't owe you anything

Magmom · 11/10/2024 20:20

No I mean I could tell they aren’t happy, yet when I told them my news they were delighted.

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