Hen do and a newborn

[TwinklyDreamer]

Hi all! A family member is getting married next year and I’ve recently found out I’m pregnant (first child). They expect me to come on a weekend hen abroad about 1-2 months after the baby is born. Even in the UK I feel like it’s a lot to ask and if it is in the UK I will be having my partner stay close by so I can feed if needed. I am planning on BF my baby and worried that it’s not enough time to get them used to a bottle. I guess I also don’t know how I will feel in myself
can you give me any advice? Thoughts?

I would just decline. You probably won’t want to leave the baby at that point & might still be recovering/bleeding ect

Just decline it is unlikely practical and hardly enjoyable. If it was local then perhaps but at that stage 1-2 months, it's too much.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

I would say no to the hen do abroad as soon as you've told them you're pregnant. Honestly I don't think it's worth the stress when you want to enjoy your new baby.

Its quite possible you'll still be bleeding at 6 weeks post partum and a pool holiday won't be much fun. And if you are planning on breastfeeding you will need to express probably every 3 hours including overnight at 1 month. You won't have enough time to build up a supply before going otherwise you risk oversupply, and if you try to introduce a bottle too early it could completely ruin your chances of breastfeeding. Honestly, give your apologies and offer to do something nice when they get back from honeymoon.

"they expect me" - you say this like they know you are pregnant and are being unreasonable. Just tell them you are having a baby so you don't want to go, it will only be a drama if you make it one.

I would bow out of it. If you are bf your baby you will need to be around because you’ll only just have established a routine. Also for all you know you might need a c section which would mean you might still be recovering if baby is late.

Don’t go. Expensive and unnecessary even without a baby. Focus on the wedding and make sure you are there for that.

You're very unlikely to enjoy it and you might still be bleeding.

I doubt if you'll want to leave your baby at such a young age.

I went on a hen do when my eldest was 3-4 weeks old. There was no expectation for me to be there and it was a make it if you can situation. It was in the UK - 2 days away. Nothing that I couldn't do (no spa, pools etc) just a dance class, meal and night out.

If it had been abroad I would have declined. I declined on (a really close friend) at 28 weeks pregnant as the through of being abroad, hot and near the fly limit didn't appeal to me.

I've litrally just found out today I am pregnant 😳🤯 been trying for 10 months so wasn't expecting it tbh.
But it made me laugh because its my best friends wedding next year and if all goes well my due date is litrally a few days before her wedding!! I've also just paid for a spa day as part of her hen and I havnt got a clue what I'm going to do about all this now or if I can go to either.

I would decline. There is too much scope for it going wrong.

It’s a hard no. There’s absolutely no way you can leave a newborn. That should only happen in absolute emergencies, like hospital admissions. Not hen weekends.

Breastfed or not, no parent wants to leave their baby at that time. 1 year perhaps, 1 month absolutely not.

You may not even want to go to the wedding itself.

Just say you can't go . Your baby will be tiny, you won't want to be away from them you will probably be tired anyway and if you are breastfeeding the baby needs to be with you.

They can expect all they want! Just decline, you won’t be able to attend, nor will you want to.

That sounds like a really bad idea. You won't be able to drink, you'll be totally knackered and fretting constantly about the baby (rigthly so). Seriously, just decline. Only a completely self centred idiot would fail to understand.

I was in similar position recently, invited on hen do when baby would have been 2 months old, it was in the UK. I messaged bride privately and said I couldn't make it and suggested we do something locally closer to the wedding, hen do is in May, wedding is in August, and hopefully by that point I'll be happy to leave baby and will only be for 1 night our rather than a whole weekend away.

I formula fed. You would have had to hit me over the head and drag me away from my baby. No way would I go on a hen. Even less in another country.

A hard no. You will not want to be away from your baby overnight 4-8 weeks after giving birth.

No chance would I be leaving such a young baby, especially to go abroad! My DS is 3 and I still wouldn't even consider going abroad without him. If you tell them about the baby, I'm sure there's no way they won't understand.

Just decline. Any normal, reasonable person wouldn't even question it.

A good friend of mine has their hen do abroad planned for about 2 months after my due date and still invited me of course but said straight away 'I know it's very likely to be a no and i understand completely, just didn't want to leave you out'

Reposting what I said on your identical thread:
If you were fully bottle feeding you would be able to do this but there's an excellent chance you'd have zero desire to. If you're breastfeeding then no chance.

My SIL's hen do was was when DC1 was 5 months. I was only ever going to go for the day bit, no chance I could leave DC on evening or overnight. We spent weeks with me pumping and wasting tons of milk trying to get him to take a bottle just so I could go to those few hours. Which was nice but no way I'd have even considered it any further away or for longer or at a younger age.

My best friend is getting married next year. I'm her maid of honour, I'm due my first baby in December, she's booked Ibiza as her hen party when my baby is 6 months old. I told her I simply wasn't happy to leave my 6 month old baby for 4 days while in a different country, and she was totally fine about it.
Of course baby would be with my husband , but I wouldn't enjoy myself because I'd want to be at home with them. And I couldn't justify that expense while surviving on a maternity wage. X