How to deal with all the "stuff"

[Gentlemanwiththistledownhair]

Is anyone else finding that your pregnancy feels like an excuse for existing parents to offload all their old crap onto you?!

I appreciate that I sound like such a bitch, but I'm getting so overwhelmed with people giving us their old stuff. And when I say I don't want it, they seem offended.

We're one of the last of many of our friends in a few different friendship groups to have our first baby. Most have passed on a few things that they have left over, but a couple of friends are going overboard and I'm starting to feel awkward and like it's actually not helpful anymore. We're also not asked if we want it, it just arrives with them when we meet up.

At my last count, we've been given 45 sleepsuits in newborn/0-1 months (but there are two carrier bags with clothes in as yet unsorted). More than 35 of these were from one person. 3 baby baths, 4 bouncers, 2 baby gyms, 10 velcro swaddles, 2 manual breast pumps, and so on and so on.

I'm literally spending days off going round donating stuff to children's centres, charity shops etc as I can't keep the volume that we've been given.

I also want to buy and choose a few new things for my (probably only) baby!

Lucky you! We didn't get anything except some maternity clothes (for the wrong season 😀 ) and a nappy changing bag. Not complaining, but I wouldn't mind getting some stuff for free :D

I think you do the right thing by giving the excess away to chazzas.

You can still buy things for your baby,

Having a few seconds hand things is lovely (like pp I didn't get anything handed over) but 4 bouncers is excessive!! There's enough to do in the last months of pregnancy without shopping back and forth to the chazza. Especially if like here they're often blooming full and then what do you do?!

Think you might just have to take their offense on the chin OP as a them thing rather than a you thing. It's often a nostalgia thing to want to see the things you used on your baby go to someone else that you know. However you're within your rights to be polite but firm and say something like 'That's such a generous offer but we've been super lucky to have been kitted out in that size/been given that item etc already. But thank you for the offer!'

I've been honest from the start and said I don't want any second hand stuff. I've made it clear to all my friends I'm having a clear out ready for baby and hate having extra clutter.

The first time someone brings me a selection of bodysuits that have been used by 5 different children I politely decline and say I'd rather it went to someone who needed it, we have everything sorted already.

It doesn't stop! My baby's four months old and I'm still being given tat others don't want and now it's taking up space in my house.

We accepted any hand me downs. We didn’t get that much though.

"Thanks for the offer but we've got one of those already"
"Thanks but we don't need any more at the moment"
Start saying that.

You can say “no”. No one would be offended if you just say “thank you so much for all you’ve given us, it’s been really helpful and we’re so appreciative, but we’ve got no more room for anything and can’t possibly accept more.”

Just learn to say no! People won't be offended when you say 'oh I've already got that, but thanks!' You are being crazy blinding accepting multiples of things you already have! Congrats on the pregnancy, now work on your people pleasing issues

Why did you accept bouncers/baths after the first one? Just say thanks but I'm sorted for that or thanks but I'd rather buy that new.

I'd keep a few bits and sell the rest on vinted, that's what I've done with unwanted bits that just got sprung on me lol

It is thoughtful and obviously ecologically sound to pass on clothes and baby paraphernalia in my opinion. I also think that you are at a time in life , with a young family, where most people's budgets are stretched. Having said that, once you have a pram or ten newborn sleepsuits or whatever you don't need any more and it certainly isn't rude to politely say that you have enough.

If you don't start saying no thank you, it will continue until baby goes to school. If it's useable then great as the costs really do add up, particularly for items only used for 6 months.
Try putting it on free sites on facebook, some people really need second hand cheap/free items and no need for you to travel.

Just say thanks but we already have xx or have enough of xx? thats not rude. I’ve done that lots.

I have always asked for photos and then picked what is useful and passed on duplicates and things we don't want
When offering stuff to other is do the same.

YANBU. I also feel unappreciative when given excessive amounts of gifts and regifts I do not want or need but I get overwhelmed by it too as someone who lives a pretty minimalist life. The problem for me is we don't own a car being in a city so have to get rid of stuff on foot/via public transport unless it's more time-consuming through Vinted (and I do not appreciate that extra admin with a newborn). I found loads of places wouldn't even accept baby stuff - even a baby bank wanted bigger clothes only. I was given things I'd never put babies in like hard soled branded sports trainers. So it's also terrible for the environment which bothered me too.

My polite "Thank you but we really have far too much already" was ignored at first. Now I say with honesty, "DD1 didn't wear half the clothes she was bought as there were so many so please save your money - we don't need a thing."

I tend to ask new parents what they need, if anything. If they insist nothing, depending on what I know about them, I'll give a cash gift for the baby's savings or whatever they will eventually need or a Cook voucher if they've got a toddler and life is going to be pretty hectic.

I was given all sorts of crap. Some stuff was fab- baby monitor, bumbo seat, high chair etc. but one friend just gave me old crap that you wouldn’t donate- stained baby bouncer, baby grows washed so many times they were like sandpaper, I drew the line when she got out an old sticky car seat!
just firmly say to people- we’ve got enough of those but thanks anyway. You are used as a dumping ground.