“Pregnancy isn’t an illness, you need to get on with it”

[Hellskitchen24]

I’m 9 weeks pregnant and in throws of extreme nausea, sickness, fatigue. Eating a bit of beige food and drinking no where near the amounts I normally would. I told my mother I’ve been signed off work as I currently can’t do my job the way I feel presently. I’m a nurse that works in an extremely acute environment; sickest patients in the hospital, stand for 12.5 hrs a day, and making critical decisions daily. Currently my only critical decision is to vomit in the bowl or dare I make it to the toilet.

I told my mother this and she seemed shocked, and that I should just take my anti emetics (they take the edge off but do not stop it completely) and get back to work. She said I’m not the first woman to get pregnant and I’m not ill. I said I may not be ill in the traditional sense, but my symptoms mean I’m not well enough to work. I’d say it’s actually worse than any illness I’ve had; I’ve never in my life vomited for weeks at a time and been in bed for the best part of 15 hours out of the 24.

Anyone else experienced this attitude? I don’t think some people appreciate that not everyone has the same pregnancy experience as them. She’s really upset me.

It sounds like you may have hyperemesis gravidarum OP. It sounds like your DM thinks you have a bit of normal morning sickness, which isn't the same thing at all.

Your mother seems to have missed the information that you are a nurse, working in a hospital. I think between your employers and yourself you can work out if you are too sick to work. Your mother does not know better and needs to be reminded of this. For some people, pregnancy does come with illness.

Aww bless you OP. Your mum is being horrible.

I think women who had 'easy' pregnancies, with few/no symptoms don't really get it at all, mostly seems to be the older generation. My mum had 0 zero symptoms, carried on her life as normal throughout pregnancy but I seemed to get every symptom under the sun with extreme fatigue and nausea until 17/18 weeks. She was so baffled that I was so ill.

I also felt really guilty, like I should be working and not resting as much as I was due to her comments. (I'm self employed, I took a lot of time off). It wasn't until the symptoms lifted I realised how truly awful I actually felt even on my 'good' days.

Don't let anyone make you feel guilty for taking time off and resting when your body/baby needs it. You work damn hard as a nurse on your feet all day, I don't see how anyone would be able to manage that while feeling like crap.

Every pregnancy is different, don't let her upset you. Your body/baby is more important than her silly opinion.

I ended up in a and E due to pregnancy sickness a few months a go. Not because the sickness as such but because the dizziness from not being able to keep food down despite the antiemetics meant I had a fall and then couldn't walk for a week
I had 5 weeks where I barely worked. Thankfully I can work from home and just do what I could when I could. Had I had an on site job or a job standing all day I would have been off sick for that time.
Antiemetics meant I could sit up. Without them I couldn't move from the sofa.
There's pregnancy sickness and then there's hyperemesis which does interfere with your ability to function.

I have to admit that I was the same as your mum. In fact, I said as much to a colleague when the POW was all over the news in her first pregnancy. A couple of months later, I was pregnant and I’ve never been so sick in all of my life. Multiple times a day, every day until baby was born with constant nausea as well. Then exhaustion as an added extra. I was barely able to work and my normal life was very restricted.

I think it was karma teaching me a lesson in humility. Your mum is very lucky as she obviously doesn’t know just how ill being pregnant can make a person.

TLDR You aren’t just pregnant. You are suffering a medical condition called hyperemesis. It’s is an illness, linked to pregnancy yes but still an illness. Be kind to yourself. Try not to take the opinions of those who don’t know on board. I really hope this passes after the first trimester :)

Pregnancy isn't an illness.
But extreme morning sickness is.
Pelvic girdle pain is.
Insomnia is
Anxiety is.
Extreme toothache is.

And these often all come with pregnancy. For every woman that has an easy pregnancy there will be some that are ill.

Is this your first baby?

As time passes you start to gloss over the hard bits. I've got rose tinted specs and it's only been a few years! Plus if she had you at a younger age or her pregnancy was easier or her job was easier...

Sometimes older people do not, will not, countenance that having babies is hard. Like they're clockwork creatures and whatever you do, you're doing it wrong.

Of course you can't work if you're that sick. Mild and occasional nausea, you'd manage. My morning sickness was never bad enough for me to vomit or need time off, I just couldn't face strong smells.

My GP said the same to me during my first pregnancy and it was also the sickest/most pained time of my life so far (bar the actual birth). Then prescribed me antihistamines for the sickness.

Ignore your mum, she's obviously short on empathy or understanding.

Pregnancy is not an illness - correct

But not the whole story

Pregnancy has a physical bodily effect, which varies in extent between individuals and also changes during the course of a pregnancy.

And sometimes those effects require adaptations at work, or can prevent you from working at all for a while.

I hope the morning sickness improves and, if it doesn't, that you get assessed for HG.

Oh you poor thing - so horrible when people who should support you assume you are malingering. Serious HG used to be impossible to treat before IV meds and even now women are routinely hospitalised for it.

How well would your mother cope with having norovirus that lasted for weeks? With throwing up multiple times a day for weeks on end?

I wouldn't try and defend myself from any accusations tbh, just would say how disappointing it is in her not to be supportive at this difficult time and then concentrate on getting as much rest as you can.

HG runs in my family. Luckily my mum understood completely when I had an awful first pregnancy and was a good support to my partner (I was generally asleep or head in the toilet when she phoned 😆).

You can't work if you are being constantly sick. You can't work if you are so fatigued you literally can't stay awake for more than an hour. You can't look after patients when you become a patient.

I'm sorry your mum hasn't supported you - worse, she's dismissed you. It's so hurtful.

Women can be really shitty sometimes. Especially in cases where there's a great deal of variance in different women's experiences. Some women almost sail through it, others absolutely are ill and it's absolutely debilitating.

I'm sorry you're suffering!

I'm sorry. My mum was the same - she was sick throughout her pregnancies BUT for her everything was "normal" until suddenly urge to vomit, would vomit, then back to normal. She did not get my constant, horrific nausea and fatigue until she had vaguely similar symptoms after going cold turkey from HRT. With hindsight, I'm not proud of my sarcastic comments to her then, but it made me feel better at the time.