Third baby

[C88]

Hi so I have been bf my 17month old and not had period the whole time same happened with my three yr old and I had to stop nursing to get pregnant again period returned two months later...this time I stopped on the 30 Aug and today I found out I'm pregnant 2-3 weeks according to clearblue so I must've ovulated straight away ...husband is telling me we can't afford another child, I'd need to get rid of my horse, one of my dogs and that my parents were only ever willing to pay for two children to go to private school and it wouldn't be fair and it could potentially ruin our marriage ... I know logically he's talking sense but I can't quite get the idea out my head of keeping it don't really know what to do, I've also not to say a word to anyone hence the reason of this post as I just want peoples opinions

Such a difficult position I'm sorry you're feeling conflicted and that your partner has a strong view.
I would say that I don't know many people that regret having a baby because they always love it so much when it's here, and parenthood is always full of certain sacrifice and hardship, just part of the job right.
But. I've witnessed my sister have a second baby against her husbands wishes and it's been so so hard for everyone, it seems unfair of him to be negative and struggling with it, but it seems unfair of her to put him through something he was so clear he didn't want. I think ultimately you and your husband just need to end up agreeing and then whatever hurdles you face as long as you face them together it will be manageable.
Hope you're ok. I'm pregnant and it's hard enough when you and your partner are on the same page! Sending love x

If he is thoughtfully considering all the practical implications and discussing what the options are realistically that's what anyone would need to do.
If it's not a conversation and he's just putting his foot down without listening and essentially threatening worst case scenario to create pressure to abort, that emotional coercion and not the strategy of a loving life partner.
A new baby might put strain on the marriage and maybe a third child wasn't in the offer of finance for education, but those are things that need to be discussed not just as a gun held to your head.

So a lot depends on his attitude. Maybe he's over reacting in shock. But really, you both need to talk about the consequences of an the choices, maybe boundaries and expectations will need to be redrawn. Life isn't scripted and sometimes you have to respond to the unexpected. But you can't just in un-pregnant because he wishes you hadn't become pregnant. A baby is growing so the prevention horse has bolted from the stable and he has to accept you are now in a new situation and it's his children's sibling he's talking about.

This.
When one person starts making ultimatums it's never going to end well. I've been in your situation before and it was tough but made a hell of a lot easier because my husband gave me space to think and didn't start jumping up and down like an angry toddler.
He's probably in panic mode right now but it can't be just his decision, you do have a huge say in this, Op.

It sounds like you can afford it with some lifestyle adaptations. I think he’s being reasonable to bring up these considerations now so you can both, together, make an informed decision on what you want your future to look like. Obviously it would have been best to discuss this before you started trying but it’s too late for that now so the only option is to take some time to think through what you should do.

As PP said, you will both love the baby if/when it arrives. You just need to decide if you’re happy to adapt your lives to make that happen.

Thanks I know it has to be a joint decision and there has to be some give and take, he's just stressed out about it but I don't think he gets how I feel emotionally I feel like he's getting angry when I've been upset thinking about it and when I said I wasn't up for the gym tomorrow he told me I need to make decisions now and get on with things maybe I'm being sensitive but I just feel so down

Sorry for the rant don't have anyone else to talk to about it

We can afford it money might be a bit tighter but the things I've to get rid of ..financially have nothing to do with him there was a list of things that will directly impact me so either way whatever I choose I lose something

I think you should ask him how he thinks any woman who has given birth to and loved two children could just eject an accidental third without needing to give it deep thought and badgering that person is an act of cowardice. He's panicking that his life is not in his hands whilst you are still undecided...

That is true, but your life is a joint life as is the case as soon as a child is created. He needs a vasectomy if he wants to guarantee avoiding this situation.

Tell him that if abortion is to remain on the table as an option then he needs to give you the space to come to terms with it. It's not just emptying the rubbish bin!

Tell him that rushing someone into an abortion could mean it was done whilst in doubt and that could leave to lifelong regret for not giving it due thought... And that is as likely to threaten your marriage as going ahead would.

Tell him this situation can't just be undone as though it never happened... It had already happened and neither of you are to blame, but both of you need to approach the question of what next with due care for the seriousness of it.

It is not reasonable for him to expect you to behave as though this pregnancy is a varruca - just a slight pain to deal with and gone and forgotten. Whichever way this goes there will be the massive 'what if' for the alternative path that wasn't taken.

There is no longer any 'before'.

https://www.bpas.org/abortion-care/considering-abortion/advice-and-counselling/

Good luck op...