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Original poster

Im doubting whether my decision to have a c section is valid enough..

40 replies

Ana1242 · 27/09/2024 09:07

Im doubting whether my decision to have a c section is valid enough.. I don't think I'm looking for sympathy, more to hear others in similar situations.

I'm due to give birth in a couple of months and I've had bladder (incontinence) and bowl (ibs & excruciatingly painful anal fissures). My bladder incontinence is mostly under control although it did affect my younger years a lot to the point where I avoided social situations for fear of peeing myself. Through a lot of physio I've managed to overcome this, mostly.

What im really scares of is having a birth that wrecks your insides and renders you incontinent from both ends, or some other similar debilitating issues I've read that can happen.

I know my rights and that I can have a c section. The problem is, a part of me feels a little like a failure when I haven't even gone into labour and I'm already making this decision. Anyone else been in similar situation to mine?

OP posts:
autumnfoxes · 27/09/2024 09:08

I think you’re overthinking. Having a CS was one of the best decisions I ever made. You don’t need a valid reason but even if you did, your reasons are definitely valid enough!

TheAlchemy · 27/09/2024 09:14

Nobody gives you a medal for having a vaginal delivery. Having a baby is an incredible blessing no matter how they get here. One method of delivery is not more special than the other.

For what it’s worth I’ve done both. My first baby was a vaginal delivery, my second was an emergency CS and if I have a third I’ll have an elective section because the recovery was 100000 times easier.

Even if you didn’t have the medical conditions you have and you just decided you wanted a CS that’s a valid choice. Women are entitled to make informed choices about their own delivery.

BurbageBrook · 27/09/2024 09:18

With preexisting continence issues, you'd be mad to try for a vaginal birth quite frankly.

Mummyboy1 · 27/09/2024 09:22

Definitely go for the c section with your condition/s.

UrbanSquirrel · 27/09/2024 09:22

@Ana1242 This is entirely your choice and you must do what feels right for you. I'm having my first in Jan/Feb and have already asked for an ELCS, in my case due to age (I'll be 40) and a fear of birth complications and lasting injuries either to myself or the baby. My midwife didn't even blink when I asked.

Please don't let anyone convince you that you're somehow cheating; and you're absolutely not a failure! A CS isn't the easy way out, as it has its own demanding recovery, but if you've done your research and feel that it's right for you (as I have), stick to your guns. Good luck, Ana! 🤗

Donotgogentle · 27/09/2024 09:27

My first delivery was vaginal and difficult and unfortunately left me with permanent stress incontinence.

As I consequence I asked for a CS for the second. DS2 turned out to have a massive head (99th centile) and I’m so glad I had a CS.

Obviously a CS is not a fun thing but it was so much calmer for both myself and DS, a much better experience for both of us. I was discharged after 24 hours with a packet of paracetamol and my recovery was straightforward.

We need to get away from moral judgments about vaginal v CS delivery. There are no brownie points for suffering and you have to make the best decision based on medical evidence.

NewNameNoelle · 27/09/2024 09:29

You don’t need to justify your decision. You can give birth however you prefer, without needing a reason.

For what it’s worth your reasons sound perfectly valid but it doesn’t signify.

Alwaystired2023 · 27/09/2024 09:30

OP you don't need a reason to have a c section but if it helps I agree with PPs that your reasons are more than valid!!

Who knows you could try for a vaginal birth, end up having a c section and have problems from both attempts anyway! No one can predict birth.. apart from maybe in a planned c section

You do what feels right for you no one can judge. I had one emcs and one planned by the way and I have no strong feelings about vaginal/c section either way - just get the babies here safely and mum as intact as possible

Wonderballs · 27/09/2024 09:30

You’re doing it for your baby, because you’ll be able to take care of him or her better if you have fewer of your own health issues to manage.

MidnightPatrol · 27/09/2024 09:30

In your situation I would definitely have a C section.

TheCultureHusks · 27/09/2024 09:32

Good Lord yes - if you already have continence issues you are doing the right thing. I would seriously recommend not having a vaginal birth. I know too many women who it’s affected badly - it’s more common than you think because people don’t talk about it! Don’t risk it. Have a section.

DaisyChain505 · 27/09/2024 09:33

You don’t need to justify anything about your pregnancy or birth to anyone. It is your body and your choice.

Muthauckas · 27/09/2024 09:37

My CS for similar-ish reasons and it was absolutely the best decision I ever made.

Having said that, the reasons don't actually matter. The baby being born is the most important thing, so do it in whatever way is best for you.

It's not a failure, once the baby is born there are 1000000 more important things than the type of birth. A few months or so down the line people won't even know/ask about the birth itself.

I guarantee if men gave birth there would be a hell of a lot less judgement about it.

BarbaraHoward · 27/09/2024 09:37

There's no moral superiority to any method of giving birth, it's for every woman to weigh up preference and medical need along with her doctor.

In your case my very non medical opinion is that you'd be insane to have a natural delivery if you've already had issues with incontinence pre children.

Mine were both born by sections, they were great. Very calm (even the one that was a little complicated) and very straightforward recoveries.

Nursemumma92 · 27/09/2024 09:43

I think every woman's reasons for wanting a C section is valid if they are making an informed choice. In your situation with your medical history I would definitely go for an ELCS. You are not a failure for not going through labour, there is no medal at the end. The 'prize' is your baby and which you are birthing and your body has grown for 9 months! Doesn't matter how baby comes out as long as you've made the choice that's right for you.

Mynewnameis · 27/09/2024 09:44

Definitely valid reasons op

IntheVicinity · 27/09/2024 09:44

NewNameNoelle · 27/09/2024 09:29

You don’t need to justify your decision. You can give birth however you prefer, without needing a reason.

For what it’s worth your reasons sound perfectly valid but it doesn’t signify.

Exactly. No need to ‘justify’ to yourself or anyone else.

littlemissalwaystired · 27/09/2024 09:54

Midwife here - you want one. That's enough of a reason!

ftm76 · 27/09/2024 09:59

from a family of doctors. All say to get a c section “if you like your pelvic floor”. That’s for someone with zero issues, let alone your situation! You’d be mad to try a vaginal.

AlexaSetATimer · 27/09/2024 10:44

ftm76 · 27/09/2024 09:59

from a family of doctors. All say to get a c section “if you like your pelvic floor”. That’s for someone with zero issues, let alone your situation! You’d be mad to try a vaginal.

That's a bit extreme, many of us have vaginal deliveries and our pelvic floors are perfectly fine years on, thank you!

In OP's case, I would def go CS. Have you talked about your health issues with midwife/doctor? I'm sure they would say the same and advise you on this route.
And anyway, it's absolutely your right to request one whatever the reason!

Greybeardy · 27/09/2024 10:55

I would definitely want a conversation with the obstetrician about how the risks of bladder injury and worsening of the fissure compare between each mode of delivery before fully committing (and for that that would depend on your exact medical history, plans for babies after this one, etc)…it might be that they completely agree c-section is safer, but it might be that there are other things you haven’t thought of (and of course you can still chose the section either way, but it would at least then be a fully informed choice).

mrssunshinexxx · 27/09/2024 10:58

With your medical
Issues I'd have a c section x

Musicianmum22 · 27/09/2024 11:20

I had my first c section because of worries about my pelvic floor. I didn’t have any pre existing conditions but was worried how damage could affect my work (wind musician). The anxiety around this was really affecting my feelings around the pregnancy.
I wasn’t met by any judgement by any medical professional I came across, they just wanted me to be fully informed about the choices I had.
The only (very rare) judgemental comments I received were from the odd really rather rude and frankly ignorant person- whose opinion I wouldn’t listen to on anything else anyway!
im going to have my second c section in a couple of months and I’m feeling excited about it, especially remembering how special it was with my first.

Peonies12 · 27/09/2024 11:30

DaisyChain505 · 27/09/2024 09:33

You don’t need to justify anything about your pregnancy or birth to anyone. It is your body and your choice.

This! I’m sure you’re aware that pregnancy itself can cause or exacerbate bladder or bowels issues, regardless of birth, but I’m sure you can get support to minimise the effects of this.

AllThePotatoesAreSingingJingleBells · 27/09/2024 11:32

I don’t want to ruin my vagina was right up there in my top reasons for C section.

I just dont want to give birth vaginally was my main reason though. I just don’t want to is a valid reason.

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