Sleep when pregnant with older children

[magicstar2020]

Just wanted to do a quick poll because I don't know if I'm being unreasonable.

If you're currently in your second or third pregnancy, do you expect your other half to take care of the kids during the night to protect your sleep? Or do you think it's as much your responsibility to look after the kids in the night?

Currently tired and angry after being woken up by my husband and 4 year old for no particularly good reason, and I'm so exhausted.

I done all wakings with my older son while pregnant with my daughter. Middle of the night, early morning. All of them. Can't say it didn't annoy me though😂

No, because DS will not sleep without me 😂

Unless partner is also unemployed I'd expect both to do night wake ups as normal

You all seem a lot more reasonable than me.
I'm still unusually livid from having my son in my bed all night, I wonder if this anger is related to hormones as I'm not usually like this!

Probably hormones! And he's 4, this is inevitable, you just have to crack on when pregnant when it's not your first.

I feel a deep deep inability to crack on. With anything. I hope this improves after first trimester (currently 8+2) - I'm being a dreadful wife, mother, friend etc !

Oh op you’re in your first trimester! I’m now third and it’s been such a hard pregnancy.
Your DS is old enough to understand why you need sleep, can you try and talk to him? Do you have other beds you can sleep in so when he turns up there’s just dad in the bed for him?

YABU to expect your DP to do all night wakings just because you're pregnant, but some consideration and give and take is always helpful. If you're feeling particularly shattered and it's down to being pregnant then he should be considerate and no one should ever wake someone else at 4am for no good reason!

Later you will need unbroken sleep to regulate your fasting blood sugar. Sure, you might get woken up anyway but nobody should be waking you up if they can deal with it on their own.

Sorry you've had a hard pregnancy. I'm happy for you that you are closer to the end at least!
To be fair the actual sleeping arrangements are great - I'm in the spare room and more often than not my son sleeps in bed with my husband. It's totally expected that some nights my son will ask for me and my husband will bring him to me. I have apologised this morning for my anger and blamed it on the hormones!

No. Being pregnant doesn't give you protected status. No one likes to be disturbed in the night. And how is it just one parent? I would expect a child to be coming in and disturb both of you, unless you have one younger still in a cot.

I think it should be a fair split. And a 4 year old shouldn't need to be taken care of during the night anyway. I'd be seriously addressing that in advance of the new baby arriving.

Quite surprised by the replies here! Also pregnant and I absolutely expect my partner to take the lion's share. Our DD generally sleeps through, but perhaps wakes one or two nights a week.

I'm still helping when she wakes, but with discomfort overnight my own sleep is dreadful. If I'm awake, I'll absolutely help out with our toddler, but otherwise it's on my partner.

My 4 year old has a serious health condition that requires attention in the night, so thanks but it's not to possible.

Yes I would and that’s exactly what my DH did. I had a really difficult pregnancy though and he did the lion’s share with our then 2 year old

We are in separate rooms. It's so interesting you think being pregnant doesn't give you any advantage to getting a good nights sleep. It's so exhausting!!!

I think some people on here may have rubbish husbands OP - if my little one has been unsettled in the night since being pregnant, my husband has automatically jumped up first and left me to it.

Sometimes needs a little nudge as they definitely don't have the instincts and hearing we do 😂 but he still does it.

If I've been awake anyway, or felt like I could get up, then I do - but otherwise we're growing a new human, we do need more rest if we can get it!

OP I’m currently 8+2 as well and finding this pregnancy very hard work. DH is currently primary parent on all fronts and I am chipping in when I feel up to it basically. If I’m already awake and don’t think I’ll get back to sleep I’ll get up to DS if he wakes but usually not otherwise, but he does generally sleep through. If I felt totally fine then it would be more 50/50.

No, you just have to carry on. My DH would take over a little extra if I was particularly suffering (I had really bad pregnancies) but 90% of the time it was the usual 50/50 approach. We both had to work full time so it wasn't really fair on him either to have to get up more. I also had a particular bad sleeper for my first so I don't think he slept through much until he started school.

I'm clearly in the minority here but my husband is doing nights and mornings. I'm knackered. I get up if I can but he's said as I'm pregnant I need more sleep and I won't argue.. when the baby comes I'll be doing 99% of night wakes so it's fair game IMO.

He did the vast majority of the night wakes (2u2 gap) so I could get on with getting ready and growing a baby.

Wow I wouldn't be having a baby with anyone who expects me to do all the night waking when pregnant!

Mine respects the fact I'm growing one child so takes care of the other 2 at night. Healthy sleep= Healthy mother= healthy baby. Bad sleep and stress hormones are not good for a developing baby. He needs to prioritise the baby's health.

We probably do 50/50 but if I asked him he'd take over and has done when I've had bad weeks. My 4yo gets up rarely though but my 2yo is up a lot using the potty at the mo.

No you just carry on and take it in turns. My DH works shifts, I can’t expect him to be getting up during the night when he needs to get up for work at 3am. But if I asked him to he would do more and for sure during the day he’s been very hands on.

I'm pregnant with my third, and my husband is definitely doing the lion's share if the older two wake during the night, or are up before I'm awake in the morning. We both work full-time, but I have to work while being pregnant, with all the joyous symptoms that brings.

Obviously, it's different if he's sick, or has a migraine, or is going through a stressful period.

You're a team, and I don't understand the attitude that women just have to get on with it, and cope with being tired, nauseous, sore while doing everything else we previously did, lest, heaven forbid, a man have to step up a bit and carry a bit more of the load while you're literally growing a human that you both wanted to have.

My husband can't carry this baby, or give birth, or breastfeed. That's entirely on me. But he can at least make sure I get a good night's sleep during pregnancy!

If you're both working full time then he should absolutely be doing the majority whilst you are in that first trimester exhaustion.