Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Is it postpartum depression or is this a genuine reason to be upset?

8 replies

sunshine194 · 24/09/2024 18:09

So I had a baby 2 months ago and overall it’s been great! He’s such a joy and I love being his mum. My problem is my MIL keeps saying insensitive/mean things to me and it makes me upset as my husband never says anything to her but agrees with me that what she is saying is not okay to say to someone who’s just had a baby. She’s generally negative all the time and says the classic just you wait comments but also she said the day after my emergency c section that it wasn’t a real birth and that I’d really struggle with the recovery. She also told me that I’d struggle a lot as a new mum whilst I was pregnant (the pregnancy was pretty hard and I felt so vulnerable and weak at the time I would believe anything). It would really get me down when I was pregnant and I was so stressed that I wouldn’t be able to handle being a mother which is rubbish because I’ve thrived since he was born (and feeling back to normal again). She also called an hour post birth to complain about our dog (who they offered to look after), briefly asked how I was and before I could answer she said that I was probably fine because I didn’t even push… she made sure that we could hear our dog barking in the background which stressed us out so much. Breastfeeding wasn’t going well at the start and 1 day post birth she said he would get colic because he was being bottlefed. She has done other things to upset me as well and overall her negative comments have stressed us both out unnecessarily. I’m upset because I was so vulnerable when all this happened and I keep remembering what was said and getting upset. I feel as though my feelings aren’t important. My mum told me to just ignore it and that she’s his grandmother so to pretend it doesn’t happen which made me feel even more alone like literally no one cares about my feelings. I guess I’m just upset and I’m worried that this is postpartum depression but also I do think I have a reason to be upset. Would love some thoughts/help on how to handle this.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Summerhillsquare · 24/09/2024 18:13

Well ain't she Debbie Downer?

Don't engage, ignore texts, hand the phone to her son, let him deal with it, it's the least he can do. If she wants to come round you're busy, if she wants photos husband can send them etc etc. don't change course, eventually she'll get the message.

lechatnoir · 24/09/2024 18:30

This is where your DH needs to step up and have a very frank (& possibly uncomfortable) conversation with his mum along the lines of ....look mum I know you think you're sharing your wisdom and experience, but actually you're being incredibly negative and it needs to stop. Sunshine is doing an amazing job but is naturally finding her feet and she needs bigging up and praising not dragging down in a cloud of negativity".

He needs to be ready to pounce on any negativity (it's probably a horrible habit that's she's got into & barely notices she's doing it) Then if she continues, it's a very firm - pack it in unless you want to miss your grandchild growing up.

Tbskejue · 24/09/2024 18:32

I think it’s normal to be upset by these comments; to be honest I’d have minimal contact with her and if your DH is bothered by that then he needs to have a word with her

NewbornMum243 · 24/09/2024 18:44

Leave all contact to go through DH, don't answer the phone or texts. When you see her in person, just ignore the comments. I am 4 weeks post partum and have found elderly relatives to be quite mean and patronising. Stereotype but true. Your mum is not dismissing you, she just has been through it and knows you cannot change your MIL. There is nothing you can do to change a person. If the arrival of her grandson hasn't made her nicer, nothing will.
Obviously the comments are upsetting, that's normal, she's a cunt. Just accept she's a cunt, don't try and please her anymore, and ignore as much as possible.

NotbloodyGivingupYet · 24/09/2024 18:59

I left my Dil well alone until she and my son were happy to see us (she had a rough time). I certainly wasn't calling her 1 hour pp to complain about her dog!
She has far too much input in your life. It's ok to put in some boundaries. Don't answer the phone to her (if you need an excuse, you have a new baby to look after, there should be plenty!
Get your DH to gatekeep for you, he should have your back. Try and minimise the number of times you see her. When you can't avoid her, remember she's just a nasty old witch who doesn't appreciate how brilliant a mum you are, and don't let her comments sink home. Roll your eyes and say We're doing fine, really. Stop fussing. Or similar. Keep your responses light and a bit dismissive so she starts to understand she can't get to you .

Aquamarine1029 · 24/09/2024 19:03

Stop all personal contact with her and tell your useless, mummy's boy of a husband to pull his thumb out and put his mother in her place. It's outrageous that he does nothing while she treats you so poorly. I'll be frank, your marriage will not survive if your husband continues to put his mother over and before you. He needs a massive kick in the arse.

readyforroundthree · 24/09/2024 19:24

If my MIL spoke to me like that she would get an absolute earful and wouldn't be welcome in my house again until she wound her neck in. No this isn't PND/PPD, she sounds toxic and a bully and your husband needs to stand up for you and set some boundaries and respect.

sunshine194 · 26/09/2024 17:29

Thanks for the help everyone! I’ll let my husband deal with it and stay away from her as much as poss! Also another annoying thing she did was stick her unwashed fingers in my babies mouth when he was days old 🤢

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page