First month TTC and the stress is out of control

[Newlytrying2024]

Hi everyone,

how do you get through a month TTC without your brain and ovaries taking over completely and driving you mad with stress? Please send help for a newlywed TTC.

background: it’s my first time posting on here.
This month is my first month of TTC with my husband and I’m 10 days DPO today. I did one of the clearblue digital tests that say you can take it 6 days before your period (which I am) and it came up as negative.
Have felt weird symptoms since ovulation but I feel a lot of it is me excitedly fixating and observing everything more that I normally would.
It seems this month I am negative but I’m hoping soon I’ll be pregnant (though I know it can take years).

I fully understand that one month of trying is still so soon, but my question is more about the anxiety and stress management. I’m generally not an anxious or stressed person and it’s throwing me off big time.

I also don’t know when most people test, is it the day of period or is everyone desperate to find out and early testing like I did this time?

any comments are helpful please be kind

thank you X

Totally agree. I didn’t test until I was a couple of weeks late. It’s meant to be an enjoyable process not a science lab !

Salmon and tuna are fine, what do you mean "you couldn't make this up"?

You really do need to chill out, way too intense.

I tried for two years ! Tracked ovulation every month did everything I could . We were just about the start ivf the month I fell pregnant and we only DTD once that month on the day I got my positive opk . You need to relax honestly stress will not help at all . The month I got pregnant I had given up we went on holidays I drank and ate anything I wanted and bam pregnant after two years !!

@rubyslippers your reply made me laugh! I can imagine it is!! Thanks, appreciate the advice there x

@Mrsttcno1 thanks so so much for the advice, I really appreciate it. Yes I can imagine it could take a toll on one’s mental health quite quickly. That’s why month one, I decided to post on here, to try and adjust my mindset using other people’s helpful advice.
Bottle of white wine chilling in the fridge :D

@CosmoMango good luck :) fingers crossed for you too xxx

@Peonies12 okay thank you for the advice.
Ahh the weakness is raw Salmon and Tuna… in salads etc and sushi, but I have read something to do with metal content in large fish. Maybe that’s outdated now though!

@Peonies12 well I’ve learnt a lot from this thread and after all the recommendations to get the strips (which on Amazon are so much cheaper) I can’t see myself spending any more money on those expensive clear blue ones again any time soon! I bought the most expensive 6 day early detection ones…. Silly me.

and will wait til missed periods 😸
thank you x

@Snowdrops17 oh I’m really happy for you!
I will try to relax going forwards. This was month one so alot of new emotions to process for me, and i’ve certainly learnt alot and got a long way to go. I didn’t mention in my OP that I am 34 and conscious of my age here. (mostly) everyone has been really kind and patient and given me good advice following their own experiences with the ‘intensity’ of this TTC time, which has been really helpful for me. Thank you for your contribution to the thread x

Step away from the internet and tests!

With my first I stopped contraception around August. I got a positive test on Dec. I had a short cycle with light bleeding in Oct/Nov so I did 2 tests then. It's a while ago but I waited at least 2days between tests but it might have been a week. I did 1 test with the pregnancy which was when I was 5 days late and wanted to know if I could have a drink on my birthday. It was very obvious and the positive line came up before the control

I stopped contraception in apr this year to ttc number 2. I missed my period whilst on holiday on my first proper cycle. Tested when we got home which was 5 days after missed period again very definite positive. Unfortunately this ended in miscarriage at 10 weeks.

I am not a heavy drinker but will have the odd drink at the weekend probably 2-6 drinks a month. I didn't change this when TTC but I did test before drinking when I was late. I was at a works do before I was late and drank 3-4 drinks then. This time I stopped drinking and eating soft cheeses as soon as my period was late. I work in a lab and there are certain chemicals i wouldn't want to work with whilst not on contraception but thankfully it's very unusual for me to be working on anything like that otherwise extra risk assessments only step in after a positive test.

We are trying again post miscarriage, I'm trying to be relaxed. I have a period tracking app which gives a fertile week. I don't monitor ovulation I don't test prior to missed period. We don't deliberately have sex because it flags as a fertile week. My thoughts are that if you start with all the tracking and it takes time you don't have anywhere to go and feeling like I can do something helps my nerves. My plan has always been go with the mood and enjoy life for the first 3-4 months. Then be a bit more regular with having sex when I'm likely to be fertile. Then look at how ovulation can be tracted after 5-6 months.
Conceiving my daughter led to a 2 year drought of sex and 18 months of limited diet as I had a rough time with sickness in the 1st and 3rd trimesters and then my daughter had multiple food allergies reacting through my breast milk. I'm not typical but still pregnancy and newborns tip your life upside down for a little bit. Don't enter that phase of your life with stress if you don't have to! Enjoy the first few months and then start to add in bits of tracking if you need. I am an obsessive type so am staying well clear as I know I will over analyse and I don't want that!

@Superscientist this is SUCH a helpful reply. Thank you for being so open and sharing your experiences with TTC.
The things that you said that struck me are 1) stay away from the internet (got me thinking, actually, if I hadn’t done so much googling, would I even have got stressed?)
2) you identified that you yourself have a tendency to obsess, and that’s why you take the measures you do. (Which has made me think, I need to step back and realise that I must prioritise my own mental health here by following a process that doesn’t allow me to get obsessed/stressed out. Because I have a very obsessive personality. Since childhood. 0-100 on everything :( )

Yes, NHS does advise against raw fish. And limiting cooked oily fish to 2 portions a week. I'd recommended Emily Oster's book 'Expecting Better' for a good overview of the actual research on popular pregnancy advice (or lack thereof!)

Only in actual pregnancy though, I'd just carry on as normal and only think about that stuff when you have a late period and then a positive test.

I agree Emily Oster is brilliant on this stuff.

FWIW my first pregnancy was during/after an AI holiday where I was eating and drinking anything and everything!