Pregnant too early

[HigherPeach]

I know the title sounds strange but me and my husband want to try for a baby next year, we were trying 18 months ago but had no success then I had an opportunity for an upskill at work which involved university for two years.
Currently I’m 3 days late, I’m very conflicted as I’d love to be pregnant however if I am I would be due when my final exams are which is less than ideal.
My husband said to wait a week before testing, then he thinks if positive we should abort and try again next year “in the knowledge that we can conceive”, I’d be worried that an abortion so soon before trying again would affect my chances.
I’m 33 if that makes a difference.
I guess I’m not so much looking for advice, just to express my anxiety

Exams can be rescheduled/ postponed/ worked around. There's no way I'd terminate a pregnancy if my husband and I actually wanted a baby, and I say this as someone who has had a termination. You may conceive again in future, and probably will. But you also may not.

Honestly, how would you feel if you aborted and then struggled to conceive. Final exams can be deferred if needs be. I would be struggling with my mental health during my exams if I had known a baby was supposed to have been arriving during that time.

I have a ton of friends that have been v v pregnant during exams, that have deferred exams or in the case of my cousin training to be a hairdresser, they moved her final assessments forward just for her.

whilst I am pro choice, with the greatest of respect the idea of aborting a wanted baby in a stable relationship just because the timing is a couple months out is jarring.

yes you aren’t a spring chicken trying to conceive at 34/35. Plenty of my family and friends have really struggled to conceive. It will probably be fine, but I would not risk it at all.

Firstly I’d try to say don’t worry until you know there is something to worry about. You need to take a test and see what it says first.

If you are pregnant, then it’s very much you and your partners decision. You need to decide how you would feel about an abortion if you are pregnant. It might be helpful to look at what your study options would be if you were pregnant as wel to help you make an informed decision. Whatever you decide, there is no evidence that having an abortion will impact your future fertility.

But take a test first before getting ahead of yourselves

I second what the previous poster said 👆🏻

And you're not old by any means but the older you do get, the harder to conceive, more risky pregnancy gets too.

First things first... I'd not be waiting a week before testing! I'd be peeing on a stick whilst posting this! You could be stressing over nothing if it's negative OP.

You only have to read posts on here to know that there’s a high chance of feeling a lot of regret if you abort and don’t get pregnant again. Even if you do it could be more distressing than you imagine thinking of what would have been. It’s not ideal but if you want a baby I think you should go for it and postpone exams.

It's a decision only you can make op. I had one at 41 during the pandemic because my mental health was shot, I too was studying. When asking my mum for advice she was supportive either way but the best thing she said was to feel I can go to sleep at night and know it was the right decision. I felt it was. I fell pregnant 7 months later and lost our baby. I no longer put my head down at night and feel the first termination was right. I'm 43 and want another but know my chances are slim.

So my advice would be what my mum gave to me. I wish I thought it through more. I didn't finish my studies either just to top it off. My mental health is worse now than it was because of my regret.

I wish you the best x

I aborted a baby that was a result of an abusive relationship that I was trying to get out of at the time. An abortion is physically and mentally very painful. I still feel sad about it 13 years later. I then went on to meet my now DH and had one healthy pregnancy no issues at all. When trying for our second I had 3 miscarriages in a row (all after healthy heartbeats, no known cause, no loss of symptoms or pain during pregnancy, just completely unexpected). Luckily went on to have a healthy pregnancy with my youngest now 2 but there was a lot of heartache and uncertainty. What I'm trying to say is - pregnancy is not a linear journey. You don't know if a pregnancy will continue healthily, conceiving once is no guarantee of it happening easily again. By all means your choice, your body - but think carefully and make sure you know all the risks before you make a decision.

I'm so sorry for your loss and wish you brighter times ahead xxx

As PP have said, things like exams ect can be reorganised or a work around found out.

Just because you can fall pregnant doesn't mean that it will happen again. Especially if you spent time trying before without success.

It took us 15 months of active trying for my DS when I was 24/25. Then I decided to retrain and went to uni. Put off trying again until I was in my new job. I came off contraception 4 years ago aged 31 and no success. Gotten to the point now that I feel the age gap would be too big (10 years) so going to go back on contraception just incase.

I am 100% pro choice if its truly what you want, but doesn't sound like it is.

Honestly I'd test now, as it could just be late period. I couldn't stand not knowing! Exams, studying, work can all be postponed, but you never know if you can get pregnant again. Especially if you tried before with no luck. I'm very pro choice, but in your situation, I really think it would the better option to keep it, if you are pregnant.

This.

My eldest was conceived accidentally at an incredibly inconvenient time, at least 2 years before we were planning to try. However...we knew we were going to do it eventually and didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth so sucked it up. So many people we knew were going through IVF or multiple miscarriages. Didn't feel right for us in that moment to terminate a pregnancy just because it's wasn't on schedule.

That was us though. Everyones on their own journey.

I had my first child 3 years ago quite easily. I'm currently 12 months trying for my second with no luck at all. Just because you can get pregnant once it doesn't mean it will happen again. Exams however can be resheduled

I had similar - me and my partner tried for a bit but unsuccessful, I was really stressed at work. I changed my job and we agreed to wait until at least the new year to try again.
I fell pregnant a month into my new job 🤦🏼‍♀️
it was hard, hardest thing over ever done but now my little one is 4 months old and I couldn’t imagine him not being here. My job is still there and will be when I get back.
I’ve always been a career focussed person, and the job I got I was so happy with.
someone said to me on here “don’t sweat what you realise is ‘the small stuff’ 😁

I hope your husband is aware of your worries. Does he have any qualms about what he is suggesting?

I am pro choice but agree with PP. You can't turn fertility off and on like a tap.

Why wait a week to test. I'd be doing it now!

If you want a baby have the baby if you're pregnant but I would save the discussion until you actually know.

It's absolutely your choice what you do. I just wanted to say that I did manage study and exams while heavily pregnant, and post birth too. It can be done if you want to do it. It's hard work, but worth it for both.

I got pregnant about a month into a new relationship and had a termination. I then got pregnant again about 4 months later (yes I'm aware of contraception for anybody who wants to comment). Anyway, I decided to go ahead with the second pregnancy because I really didn't even want a termination to begin with and found it quite traumatic emotionally. I ended up going into premature labour at 25 weeks and I still wonder if it had anything to do with the termination. It wasn't "ideal" timing then either given that we were parents together before even knowing each other for a year but it was all fine in the end.

I would say if you're in a committed relationship and know you want children then it wouldn't make sense to have a termination now. You don't know what might happen. You might struggle to conceive again. Your health circumstances might change. What if you had a termination then found yourself unable to have children in future? How would you feel about that?

Ultimately, it's your choice though. Not anybody else not even your husband's as much as some people will disagree about that.

Test now. If you’re 3 days late then you’ll know on a test today. Waiting a week doesn’t nothing except add to your anxiety and moves the problem further down the line.

i would explain to your DH that you ha doorbells conceiving before so this one off doesn’t not mean it will happen again easily.
yoi need to decide how you would feel if you couldn’t get pregnant again or needed IVF over having to resit your exams.

I'm pro choice but this is not something I would do and I think you'd deeply regret it. Once you have children I think you'll see how they're not really something you sort of pick and choose for the perfect time. If you want children then you should have it. I honestly believe that.

I actually wish someone had given me this advice when I was younger.

It really bothers me when men tell women to have an abortion as though it’s a minor procedure or a simple option, like cancelling a supermarket delivery. If this was my DH’s attitude to women I would be divorcing him . It’s your body Op, if you are pregnant then it’s your choice and nobody else’s.
As pps have said pregnancy now is no guarantee of a successful pregnancy in the future, this isn’t “testing the system” as your DH seems to view it. I have not been in this position as I’ve never had a termination, but I do have friends who had terminations they didn’t really want but were pressured into, and who are now childless and too old to conceive.
To go through an abortion just to postpone for a matter of months seems insane to me.

I'd definitely test now, why wait a week when you could already know. Were you using contraception? If you were using it reliably with no slip ups, the odds are in favour of you not being pregnant anyway, so best to test to be sure.

If you weren't using anything, so still trying for a baby all this time, I'd be a bit concerned about why your husband is now suggesting terminating a planned pregnancy, unless that's what you truly want.

It's not ideal but it's workable.
I think it's a bit naïve of your partner to think that terminating now and getting pregnant at a more convenient time is a simple thing to do. I know a few people who have singletons not because that was their plan but that is what the universe gave them.

Do the test, you will get a clear result at 3 days late. I have tested in both of my pregnancies at 5 days late and the positive line has come up before the control! Once you have that work from their. Very few people go through a termination without thinking through everything, I think your partners response was possibly a "knee jerk how can I fix this" response. Do the test and have a long talk about all the scenarios.

Exams can be rescheduled. Don’t base your decision on exams.

Are you currently using protection?

If not I'd start.