Scared about losing older son after miscarriage.

[MissKittyFantastico84]

Hello Mumsnet.

I was wondering if anyone else had ever been in a similar situation, as I'm struggling.

We sadly very recently experienced a missed miscarriage at 17 weeks. I had a surgical procedure and am still physically recovering. Mentally, I'm exhausted.

But I'm scared for the life of my older son, who's nearly seven. I don't want to let him out of my sight. My brother kindly offered to take him out at the weekend to give us a break, and the thought of it is too much. I keep thinking of all the bad things that could happen.

I don't want to become this crazy, overprotective mother, especially as he's getting older now. Please tell me this will pass or calm down, as it's a horrible feeling to be dealing with on top of everything else.

X

So sorry about the loss of your precious baby OP - absolutely awful for you and I would imagine incredibly traumatic.

This is not an uncommon reaction and it will lessen in time. Your whole world has been shaken and it is totally understandable that your anxieties have increased about something happening to your surviving child. It will get easier I promise, give yourself a big dose of grace in the meantime.

PM me if you ever need to talk.

This isn't quite the same but I had a traumatic breakup with stbxh, rehomed our dog, my cat died and I need to move house... I started to get some awful fears over ds and losing him too.

I think it's a natural response to a trauma, and you have been through something traumatic and experienced a painful loss. Its totally normal to be scared of losing anyone else precious to you.

I think for now you just do what you need to to get by. Keep ds close to you but at the same time I would be working on building that resilience back up again. I've been doing counselling and while it's by no means a fix, it's been helping me start to process all the loss. It gives me a place to put my grief and that helps me be more balanced in other areas.

I'm so sorry you've been through this, all your feelings are normal and valid and make sense. You're doing an amazing job parenting - this is your inner mummybear coming out to be extra protective of your child to keep them safe and loved which just proves how incredible a mum you are. You are allowed time to rest and recover and grieve the loss of your baby and you aren't expected to get everything 100% right 100% of the time at the moment. You are allowed to give yourself grace.