Baby number 3 or Career??

[Melon2024]

Hi all,

I have been tormenting myself on this subject for a few weeks now and would really appreciate any advice or experiences.

I am 33 and already mum to a daughter who is 5 and a son who is 3. We are fortunate enough that my husband has a well paid job so I have been a full time mum since I had my daughter. Whilst being at home I have been studying and graduated in July.

We moved house in December and are fully renovating the whole house, at the same time we thought it would be a good idea to try for number 3. I fell in May however this pregnancy was very different to my previous 2, I had bleeding throughout and had repeat scans to confirm the baby was ok. At my 12 week scan I was told that my baby had died at 9 weeks. I was given tablets to eject the pregnancy however a month on I was still testing positive and had to have surgery to remove the remaining pregnancy products.

Family and friends have been great during this time however have all more or less expressed that this is a sign not to have any more (after the births of my children I have needed surgery both times to remove remaining products). They have also said I have a healthy girl and boy, a happy marriage and have just graduated so now is the time to enjoy life and focus on getting my career going. I agree that life is getting easier with the ages my children are at and I have the opportunity to start a new chapter however I am wondering if I will regret not having the third child we did want. My husband is 41 so he feels like it’s now or never as he doesn’t want to be an older dad in years to come.

We have agreed to let my body heal, get the house finished (December) then see how we feel. But I cannot stop thinking about it all day every day.

Has anyone been in this same position??

Thanks for listening ❤️

I have two kids (same age as yours) and I fell pregnant in may last year - I had a miscarriage, we tried again and I had a second miscarriage. Every one close said that was a sign; girl and boy, marriage, also just renovated a house.
So I got rid of the baby clothes and started LOVING my career, really progressing and feeling confident.
...and I'm now buying baby clothes because despite all of this my husband and I still felt like we wanted one more baby. I'm due early next year and I'm really happy.

Side note - finish the house first, if you do go down this route 😜

If I were you, I'd stick with what you have got.

I’m so sorry you had to go through your two losses, I really underestimated the heartache of it all. So pleased you are expecting again 😍 Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy x
Noted!! I was scraping wallpaper like a crazy lady today haha

This is how I’m feeling today, so confusing 😣

Let yourself grieve and stick with what you've got because it's more than most could dream of.

I had a son then daughter and then a third pregnancy that ended a lot like yours, we went ahead to try again at the end of that year and our son was born very disabled and in need of life long care with significant needs, we love him so much but also regret going ahead with the pregnancy, everyone's life has changed including our other children and not for the best tbh.

I would say stick with what you have, focus on building up your career again and the benefits of having more resources and time to spend with the children you already have.

Thank you, this is what has got me through my loss so far. I’m so thankful for my children every day 🙏🏻

Thank you for your reply ❤️ I appreciate your honesty and totally understand and agree. I’m sorry this has happened to you and your family x

Personally I would stick with what you have. Move on to the next chapter in your life if you have two healthy children.

We agonised over number 3 with similar reasonings and decided to let fate take over, eg only if we get pregnant before X date.....and moved the X date several times as realised we once yu think maybe, we'd regret not doing it in however many years time. Just gone back to work aft number 3 - you can be in your career until retirement, you've got plenty of time

No advice but just solidarity as I'm in a similar position.. girl and boy but I can't help but long for a third (as it was a twin pregnancy) ... but the thought of going through it all again is also a lot!

I have a boy and a girl.
Had my third baby in June, another boy.
It's hard work but my god I love him, and would t have felt complete without him.

You have the added stress of it possibly being another twin pregnancy too 😅 Imagine!! Good luck X

I have been umming and ahhing about the same thing. Also 33 and with 2 boys, we were unsure in whether to go ahead with trying for a third and then I had a chemical pregnancy. We thought maybe it was sign and have been leaning towards the idea of two and done, although I just can't seem to let it go. Then last night I realised I'm a few days late and just this morning tested positive with number three 😂 the career can wait, we've got a lotttt of years to work. It might change the dynamic but we'll make it work. I would recommend finishing or getting close to finishing the Reno though, I can't imagine how hard that would be heavily pregnant or worse with a newborn

It’s such a big decision isn’t it!! Amazing news, congratulations ❤️❤️❤️ Definitely going to get this place finished before making any decisions. Thank you x

You sound as though you want a 3rd child. Don't let family / others make this decision for you. It's really important to be selfish and make this decision for you and what you (and your husband ofc) want. Your miscarriage is not a sign. It's a sad thing that happened it doesn't mean you should or shouldn't try again.

A third baby will not stop you from having a career - it will slow you down / delay you and it will reduce your lifetime earnings yes. Work out whether that is a unacceptable consequence, or actually whether that is okay for a much wanted child. Having a third child isn't crazy or unreasonable, if it's what you want. You also don't have to rush to make this decision.

I love this response thank you ❤️ x

I graduate in a year and had to decide between baby three or graduating with my cohort and guaranteed job. I chose three. I knew I wanted another and the career can wait one extra mat leave! I am so grateful and happy we have three

I would say do what you and your husband want to do. There are many things in life we regret but I don’t think our children would be one of them! If you are unsure now I would say go for it, but just go with how you both feel and don’t worry what others say. All the best xx

Thank you ❤️ You’re so right we will never regret our babies x