Anyone pregnant at 44?

[Alwayssomething14]

I'm 43 and posted several times over the last two years about deciding on a 2nd and final child. After two traumatic losses in 2022, I'm terrified for my physical and mental health if anything went wrong but I'm filled with guilt that my almost 10 year old is an only child. I wish I'd tried in my late 30s for another when the age gap wasn't so big, I have so much regret. It keeps me awake at night it's that bad. Is 60 really too old to have a 16 year old? I'm fairly healthy, not overweight, exercise and eat a balanced diet. In other words I try look after myself and will continue to. I just can't make a decision. Would love to hear from anyone pregnant at 44 or who have had children at that age. Thank you

THIS! ^

Oh hell to the no @Alwayssomething14 Leave your lovely 10 y.o. as they are - an only. She will have nothing in common with any new child you have, they will not be close, they will not be playmates, and it's a road I would not go down. You're clearly just having the pangs that many women get aged 42-45 to have another baby... often when their youngest is more than 10!

Your fertility is coming to an end, and an urge to have another kicks in quite often. Luckily most don't manage to do it (have another baby,) because I believe many would regret it. Don't do it. Do you really want a teenager who is still at school when you're 60? Nightmare! 😱

You will be absolutely knackered when menopause hits, and very likely deeply regret it. These threads always attract the 'I had a baby at 45/46/47, and it was the best thing I ever did' type of posts, but in reality, having a toddler/infant in your life when you're 50, and a teenager at 60 will be bloody hard work! And it's a life-changing decision that you can't take back. Also, you're trapped til you retire! It sounds like one of my worst nightmares. (Not grandkids obviously, as you can hand them back!)

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I had my one and only at 44! He's nearly 10 now. He keeps me young, fit and happy! Plus all my school Mum friends are in their late 30s/early 40s so I get a break from all the menopause talk 🤣

I had my second at 45 (fell pregnant at 44). Natural pregnancy, no problems albeit he ended up being born via emergency c-section but that can happen at any maternal age. He's 2 now. I don't feel particularly tired (or any more tired than I was with my eldest- 5 year age gap) and for the most part I run around after him just fine (I do have days that I'm exhausted obviously). People say it will be exhausting mid 40"s but personally its been fine & I don't consider myself particularly fit and healthy (I'm overweight, no time for the gym really). Can't say how I'll feel at 60 obviously coz I'm not there yet & how he'll feel I don't know. It sounds like its something you have wanted for some time/quite a few years so personally I would try I think. Best of luck whatever you decide OP x

Thank you so much for the positive replies and stories. So great to hear you are loving life with your little ones too.

I do appreciate both sides of the coin though. I guess it comes down to personal circumstances and what Rach if us want out of our lives.

Hi OP I'm currently pregnant at 44 with my second child, very smooth pregnancy so far and no regrets! I'm not worried about having a teenager at 60 and I don't think I'm any more or less tired than friends who had kids in their thirties. I say just go for it if you want to, I doubt you'll regret trying, though I would use the frozen embryos if you can rather than continuing to try naturally, especially if they have been PGT tested. I also had a couple of natural pregnancies ending in losses after my first IVF pregnancy then we used the one frozen embryo we had left which worked. I would have stuck with one if it didn't rather than doing further rounds of IVF at 44.

I had my first and only child at 44. I am 50 now and I can in all honesty say I don't feel any different than 10 or 20 years ago, with regard to my body and energy levels.
I am enjoying every second of being a mum and I am living the life I wanted, zero regrets.

Obviously I can't comment at how I will feel at 60 with a 16 year old, but I don't think I will feel any different. I am hoping I will take him to see the world, facilitate as many experiences as I possible, support him in his studies, sports and activities.

Hi @Alwayssomething14 im in a similar position to you. Had my son 4 years ago and thought I was done but last 6 months been feeling really sad about not trying for a second. I’m 42 and “trying” but it’s not an easy journey emotionally or mentally. Wishing you lots of luck in your journey

@Alwayssomething14 Life has been very busy and my partner and I have not discussed in detail recently. I know that he would want to have a baby, but the expense and fact that we don't have any family support nearby is a bit concerning.

Obviously we need to act fast if this is something we want to do, and I will continue monitoring this thread!

Another angle, there's a 10 year age gap between me and my sibling and we are effectively each an 'only child' as we have never had anything in common and started our own families at different stages so even cousins have no interest in each other.

No fall outs or animosity but just nothing in common to bond us, I suspect once our Mum is away, we'll never meet again.

Thinking of the age gap my husband is 10 years younger than his sister. Its true that growing up, well she left home to go to Uni when he was still in primary so in that sense he (& she) had periods of being only children within the household. A friend of mine also has a 10 year age gap with her children (she was told that she couldn't have children so the first was a surprise and she'd long given up hope by the second- youngest is 30 now I think). Whilst not super close in both cases siblings love each other and see each other as often as busy lives allow. It depends on the individual personalities but of course you can't predict that 🤷‍♀️

My brother is 8 years younger than I am and we are quite close. They wouldn't be growing up together, but they would be family.

Hi hi! We are not really trying I would say! We had a lot on the last few months and were not together at the right time due to work or travel, so still on the fence. But I'm thinking probably not tbh. It's quite risky at our age for all sorts of reasons and although I don't know many people fitter than me at this age you still need to consider the age of the eggs etc. Like some have said your 1st child is probably not going to care too much about having a sibling that's that different in age. I'm an only child and was happy with that until now that my parents are needing more help, while DH has a sister who is so different from him I think he'd have been happier without! She seems to be more a source of frustration than joy, bless her! So please don't feel bad! If it is not meant to be it is not meant to be! And the worst you can do is stress about it - then it will never happen! Wish you all the best whatever you do!

I had my second at 38... my first at 28 so 10 year gap. Not intentional..just the way it happened. Pregnancy went well and enjoyed baby stage etc. Now she's 6 me and hub both feeling it.. various ailments and she's a live wire so both exhausted. Our son is 16 so does his own thing although always seem to be picking him etc. I can't help think we were so close to freedom lol and now have to go through it all again when we're old...love her to bits but I've advised my son to have kids close together before he's 30 if he can lol. Obv I knew it would be an issue having a big gap but it wasn't an issue at first as our son was 10 and still went everywhere with us so she had company.. now she's like an only child . So honestly I wouldn't advise it

Hello everyone. I appreciate this is an old thread, but curious as to how everyone is getting on a year and a half later. I’m 42 and have had three losses since 2024. Sometimes think it might be time to give up but then I hear stories that give me hope. Would love to hear from anyone who’s happy to share their experiences.

Had my child at 44. Natural conception.
Was fully prepared for it to go wrong…

But the birth was the dangerous part.
I wasn’t expecting to experience that, TBH.

So, I think every pregnancy, birth is unique.
Wishing you well, do keep going I say!