My due date is my best friends wedding

[Leaht23]

Yep. Been trying for almost a year and honestly was starting to think I couldn’t have children due to my PCOS. The month we don’t try (and don’t have sex for a week over ovulation) I fall pregnant! I must’ve ovulated late.

The reason we weren’t trying this month is because my best friends wedding is May 2025 and I’m maid of honour. My potential due date is 3 days after the wedding.

We have a 2 night staycation arranged for a hen do, which will involve lots of drinking (not me obviously), and I will be 8 months pregnant.

To be honest I just feel like the worst friend on the planet, and my anxiety of telling her is taking away what should be such a happy and exciting time :(

She’s the first of us to get married, and this will be the first baby in our group too.

Anyone have any words of wisdom? Obviously super happy and grateful that we fell pregnant, just worried about my friendship :)

My best friend was due 6 days before my wedding day and I was so so happy for her. We just talked it through and said if you can make it then great, but if I you can't, I will fully understand and won't hold it against you! She ended up going overdue by 13 days so was there on my wedding day as a bridesmaid 😄

I'd expect to her to be so happy for you but also to be in potential bridezilla mode of wondering how it will impact her day so maybe offer to hand over your role to another in the bridal party now and she then has time to either bring them up to speed on all that she will need or she'll have long enough to understand you'll be more limited in what you can do. You may well be finding things tough by month 8 and less able or wanting to run around helping. I'd put it all to her and see what she says but whatever she decides, you will have let her know at the earliest opportunity. Also, most babies don't arrive on due date so be prepared yourself for maybe having to miss the wedding altogether if needs be. And finally, congratulations!

That’s amazing! Fingers crossed this is the case for me too ☺️

Thanks ☺️ I’ll definitely discuss it with her as soon as I can and work out the best way forwards

That's life, if anyone is a bridezilla I would not continue being friends with them and being a bride and being high maintenance about is not an excuse

^ this

She is your best friend.
You say I’m pregnant I’m due a few days before your wedding.
She says amazing news I so excited for you.
You laugh and say I hope I make it, happy to step down if you don’t want a massive bridesmaid.
She says either don’t be silly I want you to share my day It’s not all about the photos.
or we’ll play it by ear if you need to step down or not maybe we can face time if you can’t make it.

or she’s not actually your best friend.

Honestly this is no big deal.
My due date was on my friends wedding date, it was destination and I obviously couldn’t attend.
It is what it is.

100% this

My sister’s wedding date clashed with my due date (and I was MOH). It wasn’t my first so I knew I’d likely have a week old baba and an EMCS. We spoke about all of the possibilities (including me not going), changed the dress in advance to something I hoped I would be (somewhat) comfortable in (that allowed for big period knickers/pads, a post partum bump and breast feeding - FYI I still needed another the week of the wedding as I’d underestimated my chest size! Best thing I did was buy two so I didn’t worry about leaking/could change easily if needed). When pregnant, I was scared to tell her. She was delighted for me. In the end, I made it with an 8 day old and loved that I could be there. Yes it was exhausting (but she couldn’t change the date, and ultimately it meant baby spent time with family who passed shortly afterwards and precious memories were made). Baby was oblivious as to where they were (as long as with me) and I enjoyed it. Venue had an accessible bathroom which made it easier as I left a change bag for me there. I know this is most people’s worst nightmare - but for us it was worth it (the hardest part was the car travel - ouch!). I suspect in hindsight, my push to make it was because she was so good about me not needing too. It was a v formal day but everyone understood I could only do bits of it. If you were planning to go (health allowing, with bunk or baby) would your friend be open to you bringing a family member to help you?

ps. I’m not sure I’d have managed it - or wanted too - if it was my first! (Albeit I wouldn’t have made the date anyway as baba would have still been in NICU). As it was - I was glad just to be there and didn’t do bridesmaid/MOH duty’s/jobs (it wouldn’t have been possible. I didn’t have the mobility).

If she is a good friend she will be happy for you. She might be a bit taken aback, but a good friend will recover quickly.

If it was me, I would suggest that I do my best to attend as a guest, because that way she doesn’t have to worry about plan a/b/c, and you’re most likely to get there if you don’t have to worry about exactly what you’re wearing etc. As it’s your first there’s a good chance you won’t have the baby for another week or two, but it’s very hard to predict how you’ll be feeling at that point.

No Big deal. I was due 1 week before my besties wedding, ended up having the baby 3 weeks early and she can't to the wedding for a few hours so I could show her off then went home with her nana and we got the night off. Win win.

She 'came to the wedding'

My cousin’s bridesmaid was due on the day of my cousin’s wedding. Was totally fine. I had a newborn and was a bridesmaid, was all good. Hopefully you have nice friends and this bride will be a normal, reasonable person. She can’t expect you to put your life on hold for someone else’s wedding, can she!

I've been in this situation as the bride.
I had three bridesmaids and two of them were pregnant for my hen do, which was abroad and also for my wedding.
Yes I was upset initially because I felt like it was a time to be about me and it then became about their pregnancies. However, on the actual wedding day I couldn't have cared less and didn't even think about it.
You don't know what her response will be until you tell her, but even if she is upset or disappointed she will get over it.

It is deeply concerning that you seem to think your supposedly best friend is going to be — cross? Disappointed? — to the point where the idea of telling her you are due to have a much longed-for baby at around the time of her wedding is taking away your pleasure that you’ve conceived! Are you usually this anxious, or is your best friend actually someone who is likely to kick off about this?

TBH, I’m taken aback that you paused ttc because of this wedding. I mean, weddings can be lovely, but they’re also just parties.

Very few babies actually arrive on their due date so you’ll either be going with a week old baby give or take a few days or still heavily pregnant. No need for any dramas from either you or the bride. I’ve been to weddings in both of the above situations and while being there after giving days a few days prior wasn’t ideal, it wasn’t my day and I went and it was lovely. We left around 8.30pm but really enjoyed it. The one I was pregnant for I just took my notes with me in the car just incase I had to shoot off but it was fine and I really enjoyed one last night out before baby arrived with my husband and our friends.

Congratulations.

This

Well, it would be equally fine for the OP not to attend, if she’s feeling unwell in very late pregnancy (I was full of energy on my due date, but I recognise not everyone is), or if the wedding is at a distance and she doesn’t want to give birth somewhere other than her own planned unit, OR if she has a newborn and/or is recovering from a difficult birth, is struggling with breastfeeding etc.

Those are all perfectly valid reasons not to attend a good friend’s wedding, even if it causes disappointment.

I mean, I could absolutely have gone to a local wedding on my due date, assuming I had something to wear that could accommodate my mountainous bump, but I couldn’t have gone with a newborn and an infected CS scar. I had PPP and thought the floor was talking to me.

She should be so happy for you!!!!!!! Shouldn't change a thing other than you not being to partake in the drinking, and the need for a special maternity dress for you!! ❤️

If she isn't anything but thrilled then what a shame!

We’re all different. I went post cs and it wasn’t easy at all but it was important to me. I’m guessing as OP has posted on here about the dilemma that it’s important to her too.

Congratulations! Your baby is a lot more important than a wedding. Just tell her and see how she takes it. Personally I would withdraw as MOH, that's way too much work and pressure on the day. You don't know what kind of pregnancy you're going to have - I was very fit and healthy before pregnancy but pregnancy itself made me extremely unwell. PGP meant I was in crutches by 38 weeks. I was throwing up from week 8 until week 20. Holding down my job and coming home to sleep was all I could do.

And I know some people could attend a wedding with a newborn but vast majority of women I know wouldn't. I have a 3 week old and I wouldn't have gone to a wedding today. I'm extremely sleep deprived, still looking pregnant, and I wouldn't expose a newborn to 150 people and their germs. No way could I handle my baby getting a cold on top of how demanding he is already.

You may get an easy birth and a chilled out newborn but you shouldn't plan on it. Most newborns are very hard work.

When your baby is here, you'll think back and realise you were mad to even contemplate not TTC for the sake of a wedding.

My friend maid of honour had an 8 day old at the wedding and was heavily pregnant at the hen do. She left early but had accommodation at the reception so it was easy for her to go when she had had enough. I can't say how she found it but everyone was supportive of her being there but also doing what was best for her

Congratulations!

I'd definitely step down as maid of honour.

You will probably still be pregnant and able to go but you just don't know and there's always a chance you will be in hospital either pre/ post/ in labour. Or baby might be early but you just aren't up for it.

Your friend will be very happy for you I'm sure!