I could smash my house up

[Jjcope94]

Honestly I sound crazy and my partner literally is worried about my mental wellbeing.
I'm just over 10 weeks pregnant, I'm at that stage where only close family and friends know but everyone else is oblivious and are confused as to why I've gone from this positive ray of sunshine to a dreary fucking rain cloud.

I wake up and choose violence every morning. I could come down stairs and the dishes haven't been put away from the night before by my partner and honestly the anger I feel, the heart palpitations I have because it infuriates me that much surely can't be normal! To the point where I'm smashing a saucepan on the side because I'm that furious. Someone could literally say a comment of 'oh I'm praying for a baby girl for you' to the point where I'm screaming at them because how the fuck do they know whether I want a boy or girl. I can't explain the amount of anger inside me and it is quite pathetic but I genuinely can't help it

The baby is literally knocking my immune system to non existent. I have a cold that has literally come out of thin air, I've have about 4 coldsore breakouts in the space of 7 weeks. It takes a week on average to heal and it's not just the odd one, my lips literally look like I've overdone it on the filler which wouldn't be too bad if they weren't yellow (gross I know). I suffer with the odd coldsore but literally haven't had any this year until I got pregnant. My face is the spotiest it's ever been, like boils on my face, my clothes don't fit me anymore because I'm so bloated, my face looks swollen like I've been stung by bees. Honestly I know this is all appearance but it's making me feel disgusting to the point where I don't actually want to go out into the world

I'm crying at everything, I cried at a great Dane puppy growing, I cried at being ugly, I cried because I don't like mayonnaise anymore, I cried because my brew tasted off, I cried because my bread smelt out of date. This can't be normal??

I don't really know who else to talk to about this because none of my family or friends have experienced all of these things and if I speak to the midwife I don't want her to think I'm a bad person or going to be a bad mum. I don't know whether I'm after any advice or just someone to be like this is normal and justify my behaviour or tell me I need serious help. I don't know but I need to do something because I want the baby to be the healthiest it can be and me being so angry isn't good for the baby at all

Sorry to hear how much you are suffering. Do speak to your midwife, she won't think badly of you.
Are you taking antenatal vitamins, do you have a healthy and varied diet and getting lots of water?

Have a look into pregnancy yoga, meditation and mindfulness to help you with your angry feelings.

Pregnancy acupuncture is also really good for keeping you healthy and balanced.

I'm 12 weeks and I keep waking up with 5 am rage ...im not an angry person it's the hormones😂❤

Honestly your gp or midwife will not think badly towards your but you need to seek help. They will be able to help you as you know these feeling aren't right. Hope you can find a sympathetic midwife to help you.

I don't have any advice to offer you but I just want you to know you're not the only person who has been affected this way with pregnancy. I didn't have it with my first, but with my second OTOH I thought I was genuinely going mad, the slightest thing made me kick off with rage.

I remember trying to fix a broken bath once and it wasn't working and I started screaming blue murder and laying into the bath with a piece of 2x4, my mum and my DH were just looking at me in horror while I went nuts.

I wish someone else had told me "oh yeah, you're not bonkers, it's just hormones, I felt like this too."

After I gave birth it all went back to normal and my DD is absolutely fine, although she has just started martial arts class so maybe there's a little streak of violence in there 😅

Were you an angry person generally before or is this a very stark switch?

Ive only spoken to her once and that was when I was about 6 weeks pregnant and she said she would be in touch in a few weeks but hasn't been. Shes got the ball rolling a sense of booking appointment which I went to and did mention the anger, not to the extent it is. They asked if I want any extra support and stupidly I said no.

I'm taking my vitamins although I have changed them multiple times because I'm unable to find one that doesn't make me nauseous all day long

I've tried yoga etc before being pregnant, I do go up like a bottle of pop in general but I have a rant then I'm ok and it hasn't helped me but I'll definitely have a look into acupuncture

Thank you

Also just to add to this, I have really intrusive thoughts

Example, I was jet washing the garden the other day and we have two long haired German shepherds so I was jet washing the hair, the dirt and all the debris so it was all together and I just swept it up. The thought that went through my mind was, I could just do this in the house and everything would be immaculate. My house isn't disgusting, we hoover everyday and mop, we have a rumba that Hoover's too but that thought just crossed my mind, the only thing that stopped me was my partner would be so mad if I broke the TV otherwise I'm 10000% certain the whole house would have got it with the jetwash

I honestly feel like I'm going insane

You can always go back to your midwife (they should have given you a contact number at the booking appt?) and say that you've changed your mind and think that you could benefit from some support with your mental health after all. It's not unusual for emotions to be all over the place in pregnancy and I'm sure they won't judge you for it but it sounds like you're having a hard time!

As a midwife, I would want to know if a client was struggling with their emotions like this and offer a referral to the perinatal mental health support team. As others have said, This is the effect of hormones and you are not crazy, should all go away later on but in the mean time you could use some support to cope with what you are experiencing right now. Lots of people have support for different reasons and it doesn’t mean you will have any issues parenting or need safeguarding interventions or anything. Please contact them and be honest

Go back to your midwife and see what support they can offer you. It’s good to have on the radar post birth too if you’ve struggled.

i don’t think you’re outside the realms of normal though, pregnancy was like having PMS for months for me. I was happy to be pregnant, looking forward to the baby arriving but my god, if I could have been given a slap pass for the duration I would have made good use!

it did cement to me that I really don’t get on with hormone shifts though and explains some of my previous experiences on the pill although there isn’t a dr in the land who agrees with me!!

I switched vitamins to right before bed because of nausea and those side effects must have happened whilst I slept.

I would contact your midwife again, they might be able to refer you.

Alternative therapies can be really helpful with hormones, nausea, tiredness and mood, just make sure they are tailored for pregnant women.

The intrusive thoughts must be hard to deal with, it sounds like you have such a busy mind at the moment. I hope things start to improve for you.

Hey op. You sound very much how I was with my 3rd. I felt like I was completely losing it. Please reach out to your midwife or gp, just call, don't wait for an appointment. I was put on antidepressants and I felt so much better after a few weeks. Even if you don't want medication please speak up, there are other treatments. Good luck x