Boyfriend distant after pregnancy

[SY2]

I don’t really know where to start but I have no one to talk to about this.
i suffered a miscarriage last year and it was horrendous and I’ve never really dealt with it just got on with it. When I found out I was pregnant my partner was happy he already has a 4 year old from a previous relationship but we were so happy.
I have now found out I am pregnant again and I couldn’t believe it, I’m on the pill and although we had planned to start after the summer it happened, we went for the 12 week scan last week and I had some early bleeding and had do be scanned and he came to all my appointments.
however he has became so distant, he said it’s not ideal and that’s as far as the conversation goes, without him snapping or telling me not to bring it up. I feel so alone, and I have been going through anxiety worrying about the 12 week scan and when I heard the baby’s heartbeat I was so happy.
he doesn’t check in on me or ask about the baby, he hasn’t spoken about telling our families, I haven’t told anyone I’m so isolated. I never thought he would act like this, especially after the miscarriage. He already has a child, this is a blessing to our family. I don’t know if he doesn’t want to settle or what he won’t talk to me. I work 5 days a week and have to go along like everything is fine but i just want my support and my best friend back. We don’t live together but we spend about 4 nights a week together he’s avoided me he’s been away for 10 nights and now it’s I’m busy every time I call. He has never been good at expressing his emotions and usually runs away from them, but this is so hard I need him more than ever I’m 14 weeks pregnant and I feel so upset when I should be happy. I don’t know what’s to do. I don’t know if there are other women involved either but he’s booked two weekend trips away which he hasn’t done before. I have so many things going on in my head. He’s a good guy but I feel so let down. I have an amazing relationship with his family and his son, but maybe it’s me maybe he dowant want to be with me. I can’t tell my family about this

OP, if it's this difficult to talk to your partner about having a baby, imagine how difficult it will be when you have to have tough child related convos in the future. Does he struggle with communication or is it just that he doesn't want to discuss this right now?

Maybe give him a few days then tell him it's something you need to talk about and it can't be ignored.

He struggles with any kind of emotional communication due to his own childhood, and I get that but right now I need him. I don’t bring it up or talk about the baby but we need too. I’ve given him space he even was away for 10 nights, I’m trying not to push him bit it’s not something we can just ignore. He always runs away but why is he running away from something he wanted? We planned to move into a house for a baby and now a baby is actually happening, I’m literally alone.

I'm so sorry darling. Unfortunately the only fix to this is your partner growing a pair and communicating with you. You haven't done anything wrong in this situation, he put his sperm in you knowing full well the risks so he needs to man up and get on with the consequences of having sex. I'm really sorry you're in this position. Can you speak to your family or even his if you have a good relationship with them?

You are completely right, he knew the risks, we were planning on this eventually and it happened before, so although it’s a shock it was inevitable. I think I just need to know what’s going on in his head, is it me? Does he not want this anymore?
I think If this carries on then I will speak to his mum because we do get on I just would rather sort it out between us, but I don’t have another option. I’m going to start showing soon, and I can’t hide it much longer I need to tell my job etc but it’s like I can’t do any of it. I’ve gone through the emotions, the sickness, nausea on my own without anyone knowing. I even fell in the street because I was so exhausted from work, and he’s just not been here. I am hurt and disappointed it’s something I don’t think I’ll ever forget and it’s a shame because we are so close and the best of friends and have a great relationship but when I need him he’s let me down and it’s a hard pill to swallow.

He told me today we have to talk at the weekend, and it’s right thing wrong time. My baby is 15 weeks I know he’s going to try and get me to have an abortion, I won’t I can do this on my own. I might have no one and lose someone I love but he wouldn’t do this if he loved me or wanted a future, he’s not a child he’s 34, he has a son and we have been together 4 years. I’m shocked, angry and disappointed. I thought we would be together forever I didn’t want this but I guess I need to think of myself I’m also 35 I’m not young either, I might not be able to have kids when he’s ready, I don’t trust him now. I guess we will see at the weekend.

I'm so sorry.

What I would say is ultimately it is your choice. If a baby is wanted, I'd never terminate because especially as your age you can't guarantee you will conceive again unfortunately. Do what you have to do OP, good luck

Thank you so much, let’s see how the weekend goes!

We had a chat at the weekend and it didn’t really go anywhere. I thought that he understood and was ok….until yesterday where he messaged me and told me he doesn’t want this baby & it’s my fault I didn’t stay on top of it. He said the way his life is right now he doesn’t want a baby pinning him down, he said time is running out and wants me basically to abort this baby. I’m 16 weeks tomorrow I have a midwife appointment, I have told him I’m not doing it especially after I miscarried last year, also it’s a human life. It’s been awful I just want to enjoy my pregnancy with my partner I never thought I would do this alone, but I might have too. I’ve told him I’ll do it alone and he said trapping him, but the truth is I don’t want anything from him, he doesn’t need to be in this baby’s life. He has a son already, we’ve been together four years and he’s 35 (not a kid)
I’m writing on here because I have no one else to talk too. He’s shattered the fairytale this should be, I don’t sleep well I have no appetite and I’m worried sick something might happen to me and this baby.