Long distance relationship pregnant

[Hays127]

Trigger warning
Talk of termination
Abusive ex................
Please no judgement just need advice
I have just turned 38 I have 3 children 13 10 and 20 months old to my ex partner who I was in a on and off horrible abusive relationship just over 2 and half years ago I met a lovely man shortly before I was pregnant with my last child when I was on holiday in Brazil he is Brazilian and Lives in brazil we just spoke as friends for a year until it became more than this i have been to visit him 3 times and stayed over 1 month each time he also came to see me he is brilliant with my kids and an amazing kind man he helps with them financially even though they are not his.....I have just found out I'm pregnant and I'm so worried how I will manage mostly alone as we have a huge distance between us I'm worried what people will think my family ect he really wants the child but I feel now is a bad time as we live in different sides of the world and my youngest is very hard work how would I even manage to travel over 13 hours to see him with 4 kids it was hard enough with 3 Im also worried how my ex would react if he found out I have had no contact with him for over a year ...I I'm thinking about termination he is devastated I'm thinking about this I feel awful I know he would be a good father as I've seen how he is with my children he has no children of his own and I would love to have a child with him in future if one of us can relocate but I feel time is not on my side either at the moment him relocating here is not possible due to visa rules.

It’s a really tough situation OP, ultimately you would be a single parent to this child, only you know if you are able or willing to do that.

Could he move here?

What is your long term plan OP? Do you genuinely see you living together either in the UK or Brazil?. How would it affect your other children?

I was in an abusive relationship for 15 years but thankfully no kids involved. I eventually got out and later met someone in a different country and fell pregnant fairly early in the relationship (divorce not even finalised yet). We decided to keep the baby, I ended up walking away from my career in the UK and moving to his country to be together as a family - I was 37.
Over 4 years later we are now married with our second baby on the way and I have no regrets whatsoever.

The difference with your situation is that you don't just have yourself to consider, there is so much more for you to think about..... only you can know what the right decision is.
Good luck

4 kids as a single mum as hard. It doesn’t really matter what he wants, it’s not his body and he won’t be doing the hard graft.

Thanks for replies
He wouldn't be allowed to relocate to the UK due to the visa rules there is a almost 30k annual requirement for earnings unfortunately not possible he would like us to live in brazil with him while I would love to do this an my 10 year old would also he never wants to come back home when we visit.. but my eldest just turned 13 wouldn't want to relocate she has many friends here and loves school also the language barrier for them and school will be a huge issue it wouldn't be fair on my kids realistically I can't see it being possible

You have three existing children to support yet have made three long-haul journeys to visit a lover. That's a lot of money, time and effort.

I would terminate no question. You owe your existing children your focus and resources.

So he cannot move to the UK and you cannot move to Brazil?
Your only option is to be a single mother to 4 kids and hope your baby can see its father once or twice a year.

I know what I would do in this situation but that doesn't matter. This is something you have to decide for yourself.

My kids get everything the need from me and always will He helps with the cost of the flight tickets accommodation we don't pay anything so its not a lot of money

Hello, I'm in a slightly similar position. I got married almost 2 years ago. Prior to getting married I was in a LDR. My husband and I have since had a baby girl but we're still in a LDR. We had plans to move to his country but due to political issues in his country we have decided to settle in the UK. I don't earn £29k (spouse visa requirements). However, we're combining both of our savings, my employment income and his foreign rental income to try and sponsor his visa - see if that's an option for you?