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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Should I allow my husband's parents to stay as soon as baby is born?

15 replies

LilacHelper · 08/09/2024 20:55

My parents live in the same town as us and my husband's parents live abroad (and don't speak the same language as me). We are due our first baby and I'm not sure I want my husband's parents to come and stay with us when the baby is first born. I raised this with my husband before we fell pregnant and his argument was that it's not really fair for us to allow my parents to visit in the very early days but not his. I just want to adjust to being a mum but also have my own mum for support if I want it. Of course I will want my parents to meet the baby straight away as we are have a very close relationship and live close to each other. I don't want to stop his parents from visiting and my husband miss out on the same, but I don't feel comfortable having them stay and be on top of us when we're adjusting and bonding. I also don't want his parents to have negative feelings towards me for denying them of what I'm allowing my parents to do, or even asking them to stay in a hotel feels wrong. Any suggestions on how to navigate this? Also.. it's my first child and my parents first grandchild but my husband's second child.

OP posts:
JDob · 08/09/2024 20:58

They can stay at nearby hotel.

TheBeesKnee · 08/09/2024 21:00

Absolutely the fuck not. You don't know what kind of state you'll be in, you don't know if you'll have an emergency c section, etc. Will you DH be cooking, cleaning, hosting? I doubt it.

Add to that, do you speak their language?

TheBeesKnee · 08/09/2024 21:01

Sorry with regards to how to navigate this: put yourself and your baby first and hold your boundaries. Future you will thank you.

ElderMrs · 08/09/2024 21:02

Fuck no.

Why can't they stay in a hotel?

ArePidgeonsReallyBirds · 08/09/2024 21:06

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Carportforme · 08/09/2024 21:06

Might depend on how long they are planning to stay and how far they are travelling. I would probably say that I would be prepared to host them for a week if necessary but upnot for the first 6 weeks or so,

LoveSeptember · 08/09/2024 21:07

Hotel or Airbnb. Your parents won't be living with you so that keeps things equitable. Having them live with you at such a vulnerable time might damage your long term relationship and feelings towards your inlaws.

Alwayslostthedummy · 08/09/2024 21:09

They need to stay in a hotel. I didn’t want even my own parents to stay with me after DS was born! I needed privacy to establish feeding, I wanted time alone with DS to bond and hated other people picking him up or holding him. I never thought I would feel like this and I don’t feel like it now he’s older, you’re so hormonal right after giving birth. On the 4th day I just cried all the time! I would have hated feeling like I had to look presentable or host. Just no.

TheTealBiscuit · 08/09/2024 21:30

Agree with previous posts; they need to stay in a hotel or airbnb. That way they don't miss out but you have the space and privacy you need. I couldn't imagine having someone stay straight after my DC is born.

Jadeleigh196 · 08/09/2024 21:34

It's really not about what your husband wants or thinks though. He's not giving birth, recovering, adjusting to feeding, all the hormonal changes after birth. Therefore he might like his parents to be there but he's really not going to be in a vulnerable state like you, where you will actually need your mum's support.

If they must visit immediately after birth, absolutely in a hotel or Airbnb. You will need your space, it will be a very emotional time x

Jyckin · 08/09/2024 21:47

Nooo x

Kittybluecat · 08/09/2024 21:59

Are you going to tell him no or will you be a doormat?

cavalier · 08/09/2024 22:01

JDob · 08/09/2024 20:58

They can stay at nearby hotel.

Yep that’s what we do as paternal
I would never implode especially when the bubbies new unless they both agreed we could help them if they needed

cherrybl0ssom5 · 08/09/2024 22:50

100% agree with everyone else, they could stay in a hotel nearby or just wait to visit

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/09/2024 23:18

Can they stay with your parents if they have a spare room?

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