Pregnant with narcissist husband and depressed

[Suzanna786]

I’m 5 weeks pregnant and every single day I’m crying uncontrollably. My narcissist husband is not on speaking terms with me because I couldn’t live with my in laws anymore as it was causing me too much mental stress so I’ve gone to stay at my mum’s. He’s agreed to look for a property but this will take months, maybe even a year because he’s not really bothered. Why should he get to neglect me the entire pregnancy and then have me back once he gets a house sorted?

I’m really struggling to go through this pregnancy alone at my mum’s house my hormones are all over the place and I need emotional support from him. If I go back to be with him after he gets a house sorted he wins because he didn’t need to support me through my pregnancy. If I have the child alone as a single mother he also wins because he’s told me no guy will want me as a single mother. If I have an abortion he wins because that would traumatise me for life I couldn’t live with the guilt. My first ever pregnancy, my dream of having a child ruined by this man. I don’t want to live anymore I can’t cope I’m so depressed.

Noone wanting a single mother is nonsense. I know many women with multiple children who move on to better men and happier lives. It makes it a little harder process to find someone new yes but far from impossible. I'm a single mum of two with a narcissist and I find parenting and life much easier when he isn't around! Do what's best for you and baby x

Did you plan the pregnancy. If he's a narcissist, it's going to be a really awful situation for you and the child to live in.

Being single with child and not getting a new boyfriend! Yes that's a good result. Who cares if you don't get a new guy for some time. Why would you want one after this awful guy. Let him win in his mind. I'd prefer staying with your mum than going back

You haven't really described any positive reasons why you would want to continue a relationship with this person?
It's hard to make any long term decisions whilst you are feeling so low. Take support from your friends and family and it sounds like you need a chat with your GP too about your low mood.
There is support out there OP, you don't have to do this on your own

Only positives I would say is that he provides financially and he doesn’t cheat. A cheating husband is so common nowadays that I felt somewhat safe with him. I feel extremely sad thinking about giving birth without having a partner by my side. I’m also worried how we would coparent when we both live in two different cities. I’m sure he will try and get custody he’s always told me he’ll love our child more than me.

Providing financially I think is the obligation on any parent so not really a positive as such.
Not cheating is the bare minimum you'd expect in a relationship.
Him telling you he'll love the baby more than you sounds like absolutely toxic behaviour to be honest.
Better to have a friend or family member supporting you through birth than someone that says stuff like this

. 5 weeks is really early so have the abortion and get a divorce.

Sorry to be harsh but you need a termination followed by a divorce ASAP.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through 💐 When you talk about your options you focus so much on what he would think about them. Take some time to think about what you want. Many, many women have had abortions and of those I know, have only felt huge relief afterwards (is it 1 in 3 women in the UK? Some thing like that). It would let you walk away and choose to have a life without him in it. But if you want to have a baby then make that your choice and work or how to do it without him in the picture, or as little as possible.

Terminate and divorce, don’t let this man have power over you for the rest of your life

I'm so sorry OP, in your shoes I would terminate and divorce. I don't say that lightly of course, but having a baby with this man will ruin your life. I've walked that mile. I had a baby with a narcissist and it was an absolute nightmare. The only escape was him running of with another narcissist whose entire MO was to get rid of me and our little boy. She succeeded. If you stay with this man or have the baby and divorce, he will ruin your life. Please try and access some support, perhaps start with Women's Aid who can signpost you to the right services.

So true. I was a single mother after my marriage fell apart to DS’s dad, and I met the most wonderful man. We are now engaged and expecting a baby in March. Please don’t ever let that be a reason not to leave because it’s utter nonsense.

I’m sorry you’re in this position, it’s truly awful. I would think very long and hard about having a baby with this man - you will be tied to him forever.
I can tell by your post you’re very unhappy and know it’s not right to stay in a relationship like this.