Gender disappointment

[GILW92]

Hi all,

I fell pregnant with my second quicker than I would have wanted. I didn’t want to be pregnant again so quickly and I wasn’t ready for it. I felt huge guilt to my baby boy who was only a year old when I found out. I got over it fairly quickly and started getting excited. I imagined how amazing it would be to have a baby girl. I found out that it is another boy a few days ago and since then I’ve felt absolutely horrendous. I feel like I am grieving the daughter I never had. I suddenly no longer feel excited about the pregnancy at all, I don’t look forward to the baby being born. When I go into my sons room I get pangs of pain in my stomach knowing that I am going to have to decorate another baby boy room. I feel resentment towards the baby. My pregnancy vitamins make me sick so I get angry every day when I have to take them. I still take them because ultimately I know I love the baby deep down and I will always do everything to care for it. I’m just feeling lost and really, really upset.

I was wondering if anyone else has ever experienced this? I find it hard to admit because I also feel extremely guilty and also protective of my new baby growing inside of me. He didn’t ask to be conceived and he is his own little person, who I know I’ll love just as much as my first born. But it doesn’t stop me from feeling so upset and disappointed.

Do you have to stop at two?! You will love your wee boy the second you see him - but keep the door open for three (or more!)

@Anisty we are definitely considering 3. But I need to know that my expectations of having a girl are gone first :) I would need to know I’m doing it for the right reasons and not to try for a girl! x

Yes this! I have a DS and currently pregnant with a girl. I genuinely had no preference, obviously thrilled it's a girl and would have been equally excited for another boy but the number of people that have made comments like 'you're so lucky you got a girl this time', 'you must be really relived' etc actually upset me as I just think of my amazing existing DS and feel sad that so many people seem to prefer girls.

Honestly when there are people who are told that their baby will have life changing disabilities or awful health conditions I don't have much sympathy for gender disappointment. I think it's a case of realising boys and girls really aren't that different and give yourself a reality check, and just have a think about how lucky you really would be to have two lovely little boys, all being well.

@BurbageBrook I completely understand what you are saying and of course I have thought of those who have genuine stresses in their lives. It of course helps to put things into perspective. But it simply does not squash true emotions that you can’t control, I wish it did. If that was the case, we would all live much happier, fulfilled lives, but it’s not the way human emotion works. I know that I am still so lucky and I genuinely do not forget that. I’ve had huge rollercoaster of emotions with this pregnancy and I do put a lot of what I’m feeling down to hormones. I know I’ll love both my little boys with all my heart, it’s the loss of something I never had that I’m going through with right now.

I understand you and I promise when the baby arrives all of those feelings go , rather than being disappointed with not seeing the relationship between father and daughter you instead get to see the relationship between a father and a set of brothers also whole person with a different personality!