Midwife confrontation

[Ayrerix]

First time poster but I need to know if I'm overreacting or not. Also English is not my first language.

My first pregnancy I had a midwife she was lovely in the beginning and everything went smoothly until 35 weeks when I started having kidney pains. Got told that the this was normal since I never been pregnant and the body isn't used to it. Got worse during the day and asked her again for advice and she basically told me to "take paracetamol and get on with it"

Fast forward 2 weeks with this pain I had to get emergency induction because baby was sitting on my bladder backing up urine to my kidneys.

Now after recovering after a traumatic birth with induction (baby was born 3hrs after induction starting) I'm pregnant now with my second.
Asked for a different midwife when doing the antenatal sign up but got the same midwife as the first pregnancy.

Went on my first appointment and it was fine. 16 week appointment and hell started again, 45+ min late and she didn't say sorry for the wait. Instantly feeling the vibe is off.

Called the community midwife manager and asked to switch. This was no problem they said and I thought that was it.

1 week later I get a phone call from my old midwife asking why I wanted the switch, asking if her care wasn't good etc. Instantly making me feel uncomfortable.

Am I overreacting over this?

No, you're not overreacting. I can't believe she called to badger you about your decision!

I changed mine too as I didn't get on with her. I never had to see or speak to her ever again. If she'd have called me, I'd have been horrified.

Hope you told her why!

I would ring the manager and inform her of the phone calls. The midwife shouldn't be questioning you like that.

Absolutely.

I wish I did. Instead I was taken a back that she called me.
I was currently in triage at that time when she called me. I was having bad spotting with cramps and she still tried to tell me that this was completely normal in pregnancy and I shouldn't be worried. Im absolutely horrified.

Oh my goodness that’s appalling behaviour. I think it’s best to report this to her manager. I hope everything was ok at the hospital with your spotting. Sounds like your old midwife needs to work on her ego. Glad you’ve got a new one x

I’ve been considering changing my midwife and this kind of reaction is what’s stopping me!

my midwife is a very close friend of a family member I have a difficult relationship with, at my booking in appointment the midwife made massive assumptions based on what she “knew” about me and my life from this family member. I had to correct on a few things and I just felt really uncomfortable. She seems otherwise lovely and I know friends have had her as their midwife and how good she is, and she has been professional, mostly, I just don’t feel at ease. I’m guessing she won’t actually be there when I give birth so it won’t really matter?

She definitely shouldn't be badgering you about your decision to change midwife! That is wholly unprofessional. I would speak to her manager/practice manager and tell them you don't want her contacting you again. It's bordering on harassment.

That is over stepping her professional boundaries massively so I would report it!!

Yes she shouldn’t be contacting you, I mean maybe better still you didn’t get a chance to explain. She doesn’t deserve an explanation.
Tell her manager as others have suggested.

I always get someone different here in West London, my last one was so pushy to not let me have any pain relief in my birth plan. I said I had a 18 hour back to back labour with my first one who ended up being a ventouse delivery. I am up all night reading about how I am going to do this 5 years later, I need pain relief. She said it would be quick this time with such confidence. I said well what if it isn’t please can I have pain relief! She finally updated the birth plan.

Awful unprofessional behaviour. I would recommend putting everything from both pregnancies down in writing and sending that to the midwifery manager

Complain by email not by phone, list the reasons why you asked for the change to begin with, that she has now accessed your files to get your phone number to question you about the reason for your request, and when told you were in triage (ie it wasn't an appropriate time for you to talk!) she began commenting on your current pregnancy again dismissing your entirely warrented concerns and dismissing symptoms as she did in your first pregnancy

My midwife was like that it’s normal it’s because you are a geriatric mum so busy blaming me for being pregnant she missed severe eclampsia and we both nearly died so stick to your guns and report the follow up call as harassment

Wow, sounds like she’s unaware of GDPR and has blurred the lines already as she shouldn’t have introduced anything into the discussion that she’d picked up via gossip.

In your shoes I’d always be on edge worrying what gossip was being relayed back to the family member. For your own peace of mind, I really think you must request a change and tell the manager exactly why you want to change.

You need to report her for several things!!!!

Ask for a new midwife definitely. The midwife herself should have told her boss she can't work with you due to knowing you/your family socially, as soon as she saw your name on her client list. It's a breach of privacy or something like that.

I’m a 3rd year student nurse - but also work in the hospital as a nursing assistant too.

she should never have questioned that. In fact, pretty sure the manager should have handled that differently too, and just switched.

I would now put a formal complaint in for both the previous pregnancy and the phone call.

I would also - although depending on how the manager handles the phone call, complain higher up. Either to the trusts head of women and children and/or the trust or (it’s like a health council - not cqc.. it’s like health council something or other - it’s been a while 🫣)

Also, especially as English is not your first language, I hope it isn’t a racist/xenophobic issue.

Very unprofessional

But I would've told her exactly why.

Gosh I'd want to chance hospital
Do you have that choice?

You could ask for the swap, and if she says anything just say it feels a bit weird because of the mutual friend but it's nothing against her personally. I wouldn't like this either, it's quite a personal thing and if you're not comfortable then do what's best for you, you wouldn't be unreasonable in these circumstances .

I would definitely report her.

It's your right to choose, and you don't need to explain anything to her.

The midwife at the GP surgery was complaining to me because I wanted to switch hospitals.

@Sandandsea123 I would absolutely change if I were you.

I would tell her you prefer to keep your private life separate.

I saw the podiatrist in Sainsbury's and hid 😂. I'm sure he wouldn't remember my face, but I couldn't face seeing him in public when he'd seen the state of my hooves.