Childcare for when I go into labour

[butterfly245]

I’m due in Jan 2025, and we don’t have any family nearby-nearest is 2.5 hours away. We are just wondering what to do with DC1 when I go into labour and wondered if anyone had any similar experiences and what you did?

If it happens to be while DC is at nursery it won’t be a problem. If it’s outside of this, our options are:
-drop him off at a friend’s (but have never done this before, and feel like that’s a big ask if it’s the middle of the night)
-take him to hospital and DH stay with him until family arrive
-a c-section might also be on the cards for health reasons, but won’t know this for another couple of months. But I’m guessing that would also make arranging childcare easier.

would appreciate any thoughts or advice

Option 1. Don’t do 2. I know this from bitter experience.

Second babies are notorious for coming quickly. I went into labour with DC2 and called my sister early on to come. She was 2 hours away and left straight away. My labour ended up as an ambulance transfer to hospital because it progressed so quickly - DH couldn’t support me in the early stages as he was looking after DC1, then he had to follow behind in the car (and park etc so I was alone for a while), then he spent a lot of the pushing stage having to pop his head in between looking after DD in the hospital corridor. Thankfully my sister arrived to take over before the crucial moment, but it was not great.

Learn from my experience! I did, and for DC3 we had a WhatsApp group set up with multiple local friends who could be on-call for when I went into labour. When things kicked off, DH messaged the group and someone came to be with our older children while my mum travelled over - she was only about an hour away but it progressed quickly again and it was a godsend to have a friend be able to come over within 15 minutes or so so we could leave.

Would a home birth be an option for you?

I think you need to prepare for your DH to look after him and you give birth alone. Any other option will be better but not necessarily realistic.

I would tell husband to stay at home with him until family arrive. Hopefully you husband can get there in time but I wouldn't want/expect my son to see me giving birth.

My DM lived 3.5 hours away, and i called her to drive down at what I thought were the first signs of labour. Unfortunately, I was wrong, and DC2 finally arrived a week later.... My mum rearranged her work and stayed for the duration as she didn't want to have to do the drive again - sorry, Mum!

I did actually end up doing most of the labouring by myself, with DH only arriving for the final push and it was surprisingly great. I got really in to my zone with no distractions, and it was kind of empowering.

I'm in the same boat except I'm currently 36 weeks pregnant! My plan is:

1. Call MIL at the first sign of baby being potentially on its way (but she lives 4.5h away and my last labour was 2.5h from contraction to baby!!)

2. MIL is coming to stay with us from me being 38+4 onwards, she'll have to WFH while she's here though poor woman!!

3. Supposing baby arrives before 38+4, I have three friends on standby to look after DD1, two of which I've got categorised as 'if it happens in the daytime' friends (DD knows them and their children very well but they also have small children so my poor sleeping 3yo will make their life tricky!!) and one who is my 'if it happens at nighttime friend' (doesn't know DD very well but has no small children of her own so will be able to come over while DD is in bed).

And I'm also mentally prepared to do it alone if any of this falls through! It's a huge worry though, would be much easier with a planned section!!

Thank you so much for the replies. Love the idea of having a pool of potential friends, including “day” and “night” options!

I don’t mind being without DH in principle for a while, but not sure how I would get to the hospital? Home birth isn’t an option as I’m too high risk.

A C-section would make things more convenient (and I may end up needing one anyway), just not sure if it’s worth going through all of the recovery just for childcare reasons!

Taxi for the getting to hospital part? Separate 'giving a lift' friend?

You need plan a and b, c is he stays home and misses the birth (far from uncommon for 2nd or later children)

Can you use the next few months to get him used to going to friend's houses without you?

I caught a taxi to hospital as early hours of the morning and DH called a friend to arrange dropping off our older dc (pre arranged) as soon as it felt acceptable, maybe 6am? I was very well looked after by hospital staff (perhaps more so, as alone?). All family overseas so only alternative was someone staying with us for potentially weeks which I definitely didn't want.

Do drove me to hosp with ds in car this was late evening and ds was asleep, when he woke up dp walked around hosp with him, waited outside room when I gave birth and they met dd immediately. Dp then took ds home and dropped him to back up nursery care in the morning so he could stay with me in the day. Dd was hope that afternoon

The WhatsApp group suggested is a good idea. Unless your first was a very quick labour, you are still likely to have a good few hours notice before you have to go to hospital, so plenty of notice to call in family. Have a plan for all eventualities, including packing a bag for your first child. If you are prepared for everything you won't panic. A call in the middle of the night won't be a problem for a prewarned good friend or family member when a baby is in their way.

How close are you with family? Anyone who would come and stay with you from 39 weeks?

I'm in a similar situation, except I am 38 weeks.
Until school starts next week, both children are home, both our families are abroad, so it's just us. We have friends, but majority of them are working and with small children so not really flexible.
I've accepted that I might be by myself (unless a friend available), my husband can drop me to hospital if during the day and I have a few friends on stand by if he can't day or night...but it depends when it happens and who's available. A bit of a stress to be honest.
In the worst case scenario I can take a taxi. My midwife also said I can call an ambulance if things progress too quickly, although I hope I'd rather be earlier in hospital than need to call an ambulance.
I had a c section with my first as breech, and normally delivery with second but quite a bit of blood loss, so home birth is risky.
So... yeah, I would chat around and see who might be available to help in any way.

Drop him off at your friends I think...then maybe family can take over when they arrive. Childbirth is a one off, I'm sure your friends won't mind if it's late....

My friend had my oldest when dd2 was born. She arrived back with her at 10 am (dd2 had arrived at 7 10 am a home birth) I have this perfect memory of Nic sitting there cuddling dd2 and then she looked at me and said "This is only the 2nd time I've held a 3 hour old baby" she also had dd1 and 2 when ds was born. The bond I felt with her after these was incredible. She passed away last October and I love having this core memory that I know for her was a perfect memory too she often Mentioned it.

I'm writing this to show that some friends become close due to the experience of looking after your big baby when smaller baby comes along and they don't see it as a burden but a privilege to be a part of your life in that way.

We had a neighbour on stand by to be here. They were wonderful, came over early morning and stayed with our DC whilst MIL drove the 2hrs down to take over.

Have you a decent neighbour/friend to help?

We had a few good friends on standby who didn't mind what time of day or night we would call if needed. In the end it wasn't needed as i got to the last day I was allowed to get to before induction so inlaws came before labour started.

Thanks so much for the replies everyone. Family will be coming to stay but I don’t want them coming too early as I’d rather have them stay longer once baby is here.
I think friends is the best option, just need to bite the bullet and ask 😊