I'm pregnant, best friend is TTC, help please.

[Mumlife5922]

Hi all, thanks for reply in advance but need some guidance preferably from someone who is trying to concieve or struggling with infertility.
I have found out I am pregnant and my friend has been distant and is clearly struggling mentally and I do not know how to support her.
I am doing my best to understand how she is feeling but she has been quite rude and its almost as if she is trying to make me feel guilty for being pregnant.
I am not taking this personally, she is feeling how she is feeling but is there anything I can do to help this situation?
I should be happy but i'm consumed by feeling guilty as I feel I have caused her pain and upset and don't know how to put this right. I'm worried our friendship will end because although I love her I'm constantly worried will she take offence will I upset her if she's around me or if we are in group settings and someone mentions something it causes me anxiety and I should be happy for me, but am extremely worried about her mentally.

I had been ttc for 5 years and had so many people around me fall pregnant and each time it was a kick to the heart. I’m sorry you’re having to go through this, it’s shit for both of you & no one is at fault. you have to think about yourself and your health, your friend will be ok.

I don’t know how your friend is feeling but for me, when someone close to me was pregnant, I found the pregnancy part the hardest. Once the baby was here it was much easier and I was able to shake off the reminder that I wasn’t pregnant & truly enjoy the new baby.

have you told your friend how you feel? It might be good to communicate to her that you miss her and your friendship & it might give her the opportunity to explain how she’s feeling in a safe and open space? It takes time but she will come round once she’s got used to how she’s feeling.

not sure if that helps but I didn’t want to read and not say something. Good luck and congratulations on your pregnancy. ❤️

When I found out a friend was pregnant and I was going through another brutal round of ivf - she wrote me a beautiful message offering space, hugs or cake . It allowed me to feel comfortable saying what I needed and being there for her when I could - and felt ok stepping away when I needed to

It’s difficult because when you are struggling to TTc- pregnancy intrudes into the space - literally in terms of the bump! - but also little things like suddenly having decaf or needing to disappear off for a wee for the eight millionth time- so even if you are willing to keep pregnancy conversation at bay to protect her feelings, it’s going to be there.

At the same time, it’s completely understandable you’ll want to be celebrating your pregnancy / can’t help the eight million wees so it’s such a balancing act.

I echo PP. I was TTC for about 7 months and getting stressed and upset about it. My bff announced her was pregnant to our friendship FB messenger group. She didn't know I was TTC at the time so it came as a blunt surprise (not her fault). My instinctive reaction was to cry. However, as time went on (usually some weeks after the announcement), I found it easier and actually enjoyed talking to her about her plans, how she was feeling etc.

Now I am pregnant and working out how to tell my other friend who is TTC. Basically, avoid saying insensitive things like "relax" or "you'll get there one day", or moan (to her) about being nauseous, having symptoms, etc. Say you may not understand how she is feeling but you want her to be comfortable with you. You're perfectly able to feel happy for yourself and celebrate your pregnancy but as you know your friend is a TTC, it seems appropriate to ask her what her boundaries are i.e. is she comfortable with you talking about your pregnancy or would she like to avoid it for a while. You then have two options:

1. Be a good friend, honour her wishes and try to support her. She will come round.
2. Choose to opt for your own needs and talk about what you want but be prepared, she may distance herself from you.

You already sound like a supportive friend by the fact your seeking advice and thinking about her. All the best x

Thanks for your replies, at the moment I think she is needed space so I'm going to let her lead on things, I'm not going to mention anything or bring it up, only if she asks me how I'm feeling or brings it up herself.
I have sent her a message saying I'm still always here for her ect and I understand.
It's a hard situation, it's hard to know what is right to do when your on the other side.