I met my boyfriend in 2023, after dealing with the sudden and unexplained departure of my ex following a 10-year relationship. I started dating my current boyfriend later that year, and after just one month, his dad passed away. He had to go to India, and neither of us knew if or when he would return. Despite the uncertainty, I decided to wait for him because I was truly happy with how things were progressing between us. Three months later, he returned to the UK, and our relationship has continued to grow. We have our differences and disagreements, but we always approach them in a healthy, kind, and open manner.
I am Portuguese and have been living in the UK for 10 years, while he is Indian (and Hindu) and also working in the UK. For many years, I believed I couldn’t get pregnant due to a health condition, and doctors had advised that I would need medication to conceive because of my high infertility. Against all odds—given my infertility, the fact that we only had sex twice that month, and using the pull-out method—I found out I was pregnant two weeks ago.
Was I terrified? Absolutely. But I was also happy. I’m 29 years old, with a good job, and have always wanted to be a mother. I knew I couldn’t go through with an abortion. I’m fortunate to have a small but amazing group of friends and a supportive family, but I knew this wouldn’t be good news for my boyfriend. I spoke with him, listened to his thoughts, and explained that I couldn’t go through with an abortion. I also told him that I respected him very much and would understand if he chose not to stay, even though that would break my heart. He asked for some time to think.
A few days later, he told me that he wanted to stay but would first like to introduce me to his mom and sister, and only after a month or so, reveal the pregnancy to them. At this point, they didn’t know we were dating because it had only been a year, and with his dad’s passing, many things were different. He was trying to muster the courage to tell his mom but was terrified she would stop speaking to him—he loves his mother and sister very much. The waiting period was extremely difficult for me, triggering severe anxiety, and I ended up having more panic attacks in three days than I had in the last three years. Finally, I told him I needed him to make a decision, and if he wanted to tell his mother about me, I couldn’t be left in suspense any longer.
So, yesterday, he spoke to her—and it went much worse than I ever imagined.
He is Hindu, loves his culture, and from what he has told me, his father was also quite progressive regarding cultural matters. I thought his mother might not be thrilled, but I believed she would support him because he is so good to them. When he told her that he had been in a serious relationship for a year, was very happy, and that I had supported him through his grief, he also mentioned that I am white. Her reaction was one of sadness, anger, frustration, and tears—because I am white.
At this point, my focus shifted from his mom to my boyfriend, who was devastated—and still is. He says he hates himself for putting his mother and sister through this, for putting me through this, and he cries nonstop. I try my best to support him, but my body sometimes doesn’t cooperate—whether it’s nausea, hunger, or back pain—but I sit with him in silence and let him cry.
I am so frustrated. I could accept his mother not liking me if it came to her meeting me, but I believe that as a mother, she should be supportive of her son. He was heartbroken that she didn’t even ask if he was happy with me. I even told my boyfriend that I wouldn’t hate him if he decided not to stay with me, but I cannot bear to see him suffer so much, constantly fearing he will lose his mother and sister’s support.
I was okay with the plan of hiding the pregnancy and baby from extended relatives—there are many things I am willing to accept that I never thought I would, including not publicly showing that I am carrying a baby. But this situation is breaking me. I’m feeling lost, sad, and unhappy while trying to juggle anxiety, financial concerns, bodily changes, sadness, and moments of happiness. I just want to tell his mom, "He is always so good to you, always puts you first, he is kind and considerate—please support him, give him some love." But I can’t. I’m also afraid he will grow to resent me and the child because of what he’s going through.
I’m trying so hard to find some peace, but this early pregnancy has been filled with tears every day, and I already feel like a terrible mother and girlfriend.
I’m sorry for unloading all of this, but I really needed to share it with someone. I can’t keep it all to myself anymore.